July 16, 2014 at 4:07 am #61027
I have been sharing lots of thing here lately . I find it so soothing that most of the replied help me . But I have been thinking about my problem and now everytime I think ,I find a new mistake that I have done . I had gone for forgiveness for something and I had this thing that I am goona say so everything will be alright but then things turnout the other way , which I can’t accept , so I said no . Then things got really ugly instead I made him more angry . I just couldn’t say yes , because that’s more than I can afford to invest . Now I made the whole thing bad it’s bad then earlier . Now I really can’t figure out , sometimes I think I should surrender and accept what he told me . Now I’m such a position that I can’t accept what he told me nor can I move forward . Am I a bad person that I am asking for forgiveness and I couldnot accept what he asked me to ? It’s just so hard I keep saying myself that I am wrong but I can’t make myself accept , cause if I do then I know what’s goona happen, more frustration ,more anxiety . God I wish if only I haven’t been him for forgiveness . God , help to see new light in the midst of all this mess.July 16, 2014 at 4:41 am #61030
“God” has shown you the light few times but if you keep your eyes closed then no light is gonna reach yah woman !!
Wake up and smell some roses. It aint the end of the world. However, if you keep repeating these sorrows few more times, then I remain pretty confident that your powerful mind will create more mess for you. The choice is in your hands.
WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK ABOUT ALL DAY LONG.
No one can cause grief in our lives until we give them the permission. You are giving yourself the permission to stay in the rut.
May a kind soul come and instill some sense in to you before it is too late.
JJuly 16, 2014 at 7:11 am #61037MattParticipant
There happened in time a bird that landed on the windowsill of a teacher. The bird whined to him that she was sorry that her wings demanded her to fly. Instead of comforting the bird, which wasn’t needed in that moment, he shooed her away. Regret your wings? Fly, you fool! Because he was angry, the bird flew instead of begging some more.
Said differently, you’re caught in delusions, as though you needed forgiveness from him, which he denied you, thankfully. Do you create your guru’s karma? Where does his apparent anger come from? You? You know better, stop whining! Set down his words, they’re empty. Said differently, the illusory Rewa-self is clinging still to the guru, believing she gives people their karma, believing the gurus words are closer to truth than your own senses. Time to grow up, let go, stop crying and weeping that you’re a bad person for having wings, and needing to flap them… you’re free, sister, is this what you want to be doing with your time? Cycling needlessly? Pressing your face into a thorn bush?
MattJuly 16, 2014 at 11:02 am #61047NatashaParticipant
Love it MattJuly 16, 2014 at 7:15 pm #61101
Hi jasmine or Matt
I really need some advice .tonight I woke up at the middle of night and I had this panic attack .i was so restless . I want you give me honest answers for this question , if I leave a nun life now where I have created so much drama , where considering , I promised him which I don’t why I did, where my parents are not in healthy state . Will I be a bad person ? Cause I want to leave very badly , I don’t know how to come forward . Our society is very conservative which gonna crush my family .good god help me .now I think I m really falling into depression .July 16, 2014 at 8:11 pm #61103
Thanks Matt and Natasha.
REWA, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON but if you do not leave your nunhood behind, you will definitely create a lot of bad karmas for yourself and family.
RUN WOMAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know which part of the world you live in and which society will crush you. When that happens, we will deal with it. Until then RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
JasmineJuly 16, 2014 at 8:35 pm #61104
I live in Nepal . I can’t leave my nun hood while I m still here . My parents will never allow me to. I have nothing with me to leave my country. I’m so messed up right now .thanx for keeping in touch .its such a relief I really don’t have anyone to talk to. I m so miserable .July 16, 2014 at 8:37 pm #61105
Please don’t get irritated by me . I just can’t seem to figure out . Why I did , what I have done . What I m gonna do with my life . It’s just a big hole for me right now .July 17, 2014 at 2:07 am #61116
Wowo Nepal, eh ! What a beautiful country. You are blessed 🙂
Rewa, I am not irritated. If I was, I wouldn’t be banging my head with you on TB 🙂
I strongly desire for you to come out of this hole but I am not sure how much I can help if you are not willing to help yourself. You seem to be attention seeking and need so much validation for the same things. I cant offer that online. If you were here with me, I would have sent you for an adjustment counselling and given you 2 tight slaps on each side to wake you up.
Hey, why don’t you just keep going deeper into the hole ? We don’t have many other options to trial so you might as well continue falling. I am sure when you have had enough, you will either say – I have had enough and runnnn or you will succumb to the societal pressures and go back to being a miserable nun.
Either way, please know that you are in my prayers and I know you will be fine. Give us a shout if you need more attention.
JasmineJuly 17, 2014 at 3:24 am #61117
I don’t know why I’m like this . Nothing like this happened to me , I don’t know how to deal with this thing . By the way where r u from .July 17, 2014 at 3:25 am #61118The RuminantParticipant
I am a bit confused about what your expectations are. Has someone always told you what you have to do? Perhaps told you that if you do certain things you are good, and if you do other things you are bad? Such moral guidelines are cultural, and those who do not share your culture, may not understand your peril.
It is not completely clear to me, but it looks like you have now gone against the cultural expectations, or at least you desire to do so? There really isn’t an easy way through such a situation. Either you will submit to the cultural expectations or you will hold onto your own integrity. Wishing that things were different isn’t going to make them different. None of us can bend the reality to make it easier for you.
What ever you decide to do, it has to be your choice, and you carry the responsibility of that choice. It may sound daunting, but it’s not. Right now you are neither making choices nor taking responsibility, and it’s killing you. You have no control over your own life, and you are asking others to control it for you. That can not happen.
Be honest with yourself and what it is that you want. Or what it is that you don’t want. Express those needs clearly to the people in your life. They might be more understanding than you think. If they are not, then you have to ask yourself, which is more important to you: to be true to your own integrity or to please others. There is no right or wrong answer, but you can’t be wishy washy and carry on in the state that you are in right now.
If you want things to go the way you want them to go, then you have to take the responsibility that comes with free will. If you are not ready to take the responsibility, then you will need to let go of the free will. Both ways are fine and can lead to happiness, but you do have to choose. Whether or not you are seen as a bad person by others regardless of what you choose is cultural and not some ultimate truth.July 17, 2014 at 3:38 am #61119
Can you go to my earlier post stuck in regret and help me in tough times . Because I haven’t been able to do anything , i know I’m bad no matter what I do . I really need to know what you think ? Please help me . Any thing that you think will be welcome .July 17, 2014 at 3:47 am #61120The RuminantParticipant
OK, I read it. I also read the responses from others. As well as the responses given to you after that throughout different threads.
What is it that you want? You ask for help, people try to offer advice, but you deflect it all and remain in your stance that you are bad no matter what you do. You welcome help, but don’t actually do anything about it. Why?July 17, 2014 at 3:51 am #61121
Ha Ha The Ruminant. Your last reply made me smile 🙂 I am so glad that you have gone through the earlier posts to make sense of this situation.
Dear Stubborn Rewa
I am from Australia.
JJuly 17, 2014 at 4:02 am #61122InkyParticipant
If you are having this state, then 100 other people are living it or have lived it.
Seek out the other nuns who want to leave. There might be more than you think!
Or, in town (can you leave?) find ex-nuns. They will share their stories and perhaps give you a place to stay.
Your weakness is you believe you are alone. But I promise you there are others who have been there and will help.
You need a support group in real life. Then the culture won’t seem so daunting.