Dear Anita

Yup, I would do this even when the pulling isn’t painful. It is good to get him into the habit. He will start to get the message that pulling stops his fun. It doesn’t hurt to give a firm but gentle tug and a no too. And of course, a calm praise when he walks nicely. 🤍

Hmm well have a think for a bit and see if a tattoo is something you want to do. My adopted mum got a tattoo on her forearm when she was in her 60s. The tattooist was very gentle. They are aware that they need to be very delicate with fine skin. It’s a lovely idea ALULA, such a beautiful memory. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sure she will understand if you change your mind. 🤍

You have always been worthy of love. There is so much more to you than your trauma. I’m so sorry that your mother taught you to believe otherwise. 🤍

I hope that things change for you and your sister when your mom dies. It would be nice to be able to talk to her without the presence of your mother looming. 🤍

Hmm well my bio mum and I both put in effort to avoid each other a lot, so the complaining wasn’t constant. And I was too independent, taking care of her and my brother from a young age.

She told me that her father raped her and that she used to exchange sex for stuff because she was very poor. She told me that people promised her things and she had sex and they wouldn’t keep their promise after.

I know she moved away from her family because she didn’t want to deal with them. But she would visit them once a year because they would give her money.

I got burned out from caring. The suicide attempts and cutting were getting worse as I got older.

I feel like for abusive parents it is very inconvenient for them when children are their own people, which they are from an early age. It was very common to abuse children to shut them up for a long time.

My son tries to let his desires be known and he’s 2. He doesn’t want a nappy change. He doesn’t want to wear his clothes sometimes. He doesn’t want that food. He doesn’t want me putting his toys away to clean or go to bed. He wants what he’s not allowed and is disappointed when he is stopped. It is much easier for a child to express what they don’t want than what they do want. I think it’s just a bit complicated of a thought process imagining something that isn’t directly in front of them.

Even now, it is common for people to describe behaviour as tantrums. I don’t really believe that. Difficulties happen when children desperately need something.

Yes, but I mean that my internal resources are a bit weak. I’m trying to practice comforting myself every day at the moment. I write down the times I feel anxious in a day and I try to comfort myself at the end of the day.