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Alone Again, Naturally

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  • March 19, 2026 at 7:59 pm #456149
    anita
    Participant

    I am feeling Alone this Thursday evening. Been at the local taproom last evening, and none of the regulars were there (those who’ve been frequenting the place, like me, since 2017). It was boring. So, I wasn’t motivated to be there this evening (a visit there is not inexpensive).

    And here, on tiny buddha- this evening, like all of today- extremely SLOW. Only one person, other than me, submitted a post, and following me inquiring about members who haven’t posted for a while, only one member responded, and a very short reply.

    I just need a lot more social interaction, irl and here, on tb.

    For more than 4 years, I was very busy in a local farm- winery 🍷, but the place has been sold in Dec 2025. Next, the taproom will be closed in April this year.

    Got my first 🐕 Jan this year, and it’s wonderful having him, it’s just that I need more. I would like to work with, or volunteer to help people.

    To interact with people in a positive way- that’s a thirst of mine.

    🌙 👀 ✨️ Anita

    March 19, 2026 at 10:00 pm #456152
    anita
    Participant

    I am about posting one of these posts tonight that I’d feel strange about in the morning. Maybe.

    I’m listening to nostalgic Hebrew music while Bogart is lying comfortably on my lap and the laptop, the one of the two that survived Bogart, is in front of me. Only 2 sources of light in this Thurs night (computer in front of me and bathroom to my left).

    This song I’m listening to is about the passage of years, about childhood- beautiful Israeli music: “got old suddenly”- yes, HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

    “The paradise of childhood”- what paradise? Didn’t have that. My childhood totally skipped Paradise.

    Thing is- these very days- gone is the Shame and the Guilt that burdened me for 6 decades. I’m having the childhood I never got to have- one free of shame and guilt.

    And I mean, Shame and Guilt, big case letters.

    Wow- the one who birthed me- so much Shame (she said: “You are a big Zero”)- “YOU ARE A BIG ZERO” was her message. And it registered loud and clear.

    And she never retracted it, as in saying “I was wrong”. No, she never relaxed that “You’re a Zero” message.

    And so, that is her legacy in my life. That and nothing else. U’re 1 Big Zero: the legacy of a “mother”.

    Fast forward 6 decades, and I’m okay. My goodness, almost 10 pm here. Good night.

    Anita

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