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Am I codependent? I feel awful

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  • #395982
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    The vacation was amazing-so much fun” – I am glad it was fun because you deserve to have fun!

    On a positive note, I think that my anxiety attachment is improving” – this is a very positive note!

    I am continuing to reduce how I respond to my ex because I am limiting conversations- my brain is relearning to not keep the same patterns” – yet another very, very positive note!

    I am exhausted, and my gas tank is not filling up.  This happens during trips. Maybe it is because I’m not at home in my bed and not on my schedule?” – as an anxious person, I know that I need my daily routine to keep me grounded, so maybe it’s the same for you: routine calms you and things outside your routine disrupt your calmness, maybe?

    He can tell right away when I’m off. He senses so much so quickly” – this is one of the big reasons why this relationship is as healthy as it is.

    I feel crowded. I am watching his dog until Monday because he went to Colorado to ski until Monday… I am 75% sure that he goes on more than 1 trip a year by himself (less than family trips) which could cause issues… I feel like I am being negative when I have positive things going on” – if you love to ski or you’d love to have a vacation in Colorado, but can’t afford it, then I can see how you’d feel resentful for dog sitting for him (free of charge I imagine) while he is doing what you can’t afford doing. Is this how you feel?

    Since we have started texting, I have wanted to be in a happy and healthy relationship and here it is” – since you and I started communicating, this really is the first healthy relationship I’ve been reading about. Doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges in it, of course.

    anita

    #395984
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    “If you love to ski or you’d love to have a vacation in Colorado, but can’t afford it, then I can see how you’d feel resentful for dog sitting for him (free of charge I imagine) while he is doing what you can’t afford doing. Is this how you feel?

    I don’t like to ski so definitely not resentful about that-however if he were going to the beach I would say yes.  I am resentful because I am watching his dog and probably saving him at least $300. He would have to kennel his dog from Wednesday to Monday-that’s at least $50 a day.  I think in his mind all he was thinking is that it will save him money and I really like his dog.  Lets not forget him asking for half on our vacation-weird to me.

    I cannot put all of the blame on him with the dog sitting situation.  I automatically said yes because I love dogs and want to help him in general.  Next time I will tell him I can watch Eva for 2 days max when my kids are not at home. I will have the kiids Saturday until Monday morning school drop off and I live in a small Condo.

    Lindsey

    #395985
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Please, please tell me that at the least he left you a big box of kibble and treats for his dog, so you don’t have to feed his dog at your expense?

    anita

    #395986
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    LOL.  Yes he brought food, her kennel and a few other things for her.

    Lindsey

    #395987
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Then “Next time I will tell him I can watch Eva for 2 days max when my kids are not at home“, is a good idea (unless 2 days is too much). Wait, if you travel someplace, will he dog sit for you?

    anita

    #395997
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    That is a great idea!  I’m definitely going to ask him in the future. My dog Bugs is a bit much because he constantly wants to play (Australian Laberdoodle) and only a year old. But he loves kids and Jason has a large home.

    Lindsey

    #395998
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I figure, if he is all about equality in a relationship (Lindsey’s duties = bf’s duties), better you see to it that the equality is maintained.

    anita

    #396112
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes I agree with your message.  I do think that the duties can be addressed and fixed if needed based on our ability to communicate with each other.

    I don’t know if I told you prior but I was on 2 medications- 1 for depression called Vibryd. I have been on this medication for at least 10 years.  I was previously diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

    About 4-5 years ago my psychiatrist diagnosed me with a Mood Disorder and 2 years ago I was perscribed Lamotrigene. This medication and greatly improved my life.  I stopped taking the Vibryd about 1 month ago per the approval from my Dr. due to side effects in the bedroom.   However the side effects have not improved-not at all.

    For about 2 weeks I have felt a change with classic depression symptoms. I am going to restart the medication tonight. My Dr. instructed me to do that if I started to have symptoms. You probably have not noticed any changes because I have been in denial for about 2 weeks.

    I feel like I do not have the energy to do anything ( including maintain a relationship) along with  work, children, and my ex.  I did send a message to Jason that I am starting back the medication.

    I just do not feel happy at all and I am hoping I do not screw up anything.  This is the worst timing really. I’m dog sitting and he is gone until Monday.

    Lindsey

    #396118
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You shared that you were on Vibryd, an antidepressant, for at least 10 years following having been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. About 5 years ago, you were diagnosed with a mood disorder, and for the last 2 years, you’ve been taking Lamotrigine, a medication prescribed to “prevent the extreme mood swings of bipolar disorder in adults” (online). The latter greatly improved your life.

    Because Vibryd had negative sexual side effects, you stopped taking it about a month ago, following getting your doctor’s approval. But in the last month, the sexual side effects have not improved at all, and in the last 2 weeks, you’ve been experiencing “a change with classic depression symptoms… I feel like I do not have the energy to do anything (including maintain a relationship) along with work, children, and my ex“, and therefore, you decided to restart Vibryd tonight, in accordance with your doctor’s instructions.

    My input: I think that it’s a good choice to restart the antidepressant medication tonight because (1) your children, your work and your need to manage your ex successfully, are all of higher priority than sexual pleasure, says I, (2) if you don’t have energy for the relationship, the sexual side effects issue is mute, I think, isn’t it?

    I did send a message to Jason that I am starting back the medication. I just do not feel happy at all, and I am hoping I do not screw up anything.  This is the worst timing really. I’m dog sitting and he is gone until Monday” – it is not your fault that you suffer from a mood disorder and need medications for it, neither is it your fault that psychiatric medications have sexual side effects, so please, be empathetic toward yourself, not judgmental and harsh! Also, you did not screw up anything, on the contrary: you are on top of things. I’ve been witnessing you making many good choices, for a long time. It’s admirable to see how well you take care of things and make good choices, again and again. I am impressed!

    Monday will be here sooner than you feel, you’ll see. It will be okay!

    anita

    • This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #396522
    lindsey
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Thank you very much for your support!  I am on the mend getting back on my medication.  As usual my overthinking gets in the way but everything is going good so far.

    Busy week- we are slammed at work but it makes the weeks go fast.  My son’s traveling baseball games start next month.  I continue to have communication issues with the ex but what else is new.  I honestly do not have the energy to engage even if I wanted to.  Everyday I have a to do list.

    I continue to have anxiety with Jason (probably normal for me) at times.  Mostly how far this will go and what will happen in the future – all things that you have to just wait and see what happens.

    I do wish to be more confident in my relationship especially with body image.  That’s a work in progress.  I just wish I felt more….grounded with it.  In my brain the relationship is like a kite flying in the wind.  Who knows when the wind will turn and how fast or slow it will go.

    Lindsey

    #396607
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You are welcome! You’ll probably feel better once your body gets used to the re-introduction of Vibryd.

    I just wish I felt more grounded with it. In my brain the relationship is like a kite flying in the wind. Who knows when the wind will turn” – instead of focusing on a kite that moves widely with the wind, try to focus on the fluffy white clouds hanging in the big blue sky; they are more stable than a kite, less reactive to wind. It will be more grounding to focus on something more stable.

    We are both talking figuratively here, but maybe you can interpret this into something literal/ practical.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 6 months ago by anita.
    #396642
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think what you mean is stay positive and focus more on the beautiful things (the clouds).  The clouds may also be a bit more stable than the wind?

    Red Flag Alert (I’m so tired Anita and really bad at ignoring red flags)

    1. Tuesday night (3/28/22 )

    Jason:  I’m so tired from all the drugs  we did on vacation.”

    Lindsey: Ummm What kind of drugs did you do on vacation?? ”

    Jason: Nothing just marjuana and xanax” (I think he is lying there)

    Today, 3/31/22

    Jason. “I hate attorneys”

    Me: why? what happened?

    Jason” My lawyer threatened me. She said if this is not resolved she is going to quit. I also rented a Rav4- I’ll have to tell you about it.”

    Me: “Ok sounds good. Do you want to talk on the phone about it?”

    Jason: “I could maybe use a talk later. Maybe”

    Lindsey

     

    #396643
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Before talking further about the sky, clouds and wind, I have questions:

    1) “Jason:  I’m so tired from all the drugs we did on vacation, Lindsey: Ummm What kind of drugs did you do on vacation??, Jason: Nothing just marjuana and xanax” (I think he is lying there)” –

    – did the two of you do drugs or just him? What did you observe him do as far as drugs during the vacation?

    “Jason: My lawyer threatened me. She said if this is not resolved she is going to quit” – what needs to be resolved between him and his ex?

    anita

    #396644
    anita
    Participant

    * Oooops, I confused vacations, you were referring to his vacation, the one he took without you, right after the vacation you had together, right? So, when he said “the drugs we did” he meant he and his sky buddies?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 6 months ago by anita.
    #396646
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    He went on vacation to Colorado with his male friend last week. (Wednesday to Sunday) I was messaging with him on and off during that time.  He mentioned they ate marijuana gummies and he took Xanax with him on vacation.  This was prior to the statement “all the drugs we did.”  He is perscribed Xanax for general anxiety.

    I have no idea what needs to be resolved with him and his ex and I personally feel like this is something I should know more in detail.  He once said that his ex wife’s anger had been building for a few years but did not elaborate.  He did say that she has disagreed with everything and they keep going back and forth regarding how they are splitting up household items.

    I feel like I am missing important information and I want to ask him why he thinks his wife’s anger had been building for a few years before they split up.  I think that is appropriate.

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 256 through 270 (of 427 total)

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