Dear Lindsey:

Welcome back from sunny Florida! Good to read that your level of anxiety is a 2 out of 10, that you and had a fun trip, that things are great with Jason and that you’ll be having a no-kids weekend together.

“My thoughts are on what I am doing in the moment“- isn’t it amazing how with no/ little anxiety, there’s nothing to throw our attention to the future or to the past, so it stays where it’s supposed to be: in the moment?!

“I am keeping no contact with my ex as much as possible… best to avoid as much as possible.. Will not ask for assistance“- it is very important that you keep this going: having the absolute minimal contact with him, whatever it takes. His “assistance” is not worth the hassle, does it.

anita

Dear Lindsey:

My goodness, reads like you are feeling better and maybe even calmer than if you were at work? Chalk painting sounds like fun. I am fine, thank you: I am enjoying the mild summer here (so far) but I wish everyone was enjoying a mild summer. When are you going back to work and when will you be able to be with your kids and with Jason?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

About 81 degrees where you’re at, 86 degrees where I am. Congrats for finishing your dresser and for painting your wall! Giving Jason Covid is evidence of the two of you being… close. Glad your kids were safe in Florida when it happened. I don’t blame you for wanting to tell your ex off, he’s been on your very-annoying list for a long, long… long time.

anita

Anita,

He did test positive LOL.  We were able to spend  time with each other last week.  It was a very busy week with the kids & work-  Jason and I went on an overnight trip Friday – Sunday in Wisconsin.  It was kind of a last minute planned trip.  We went hiking all day Saturday and walked around with the dogs and went in the lake- Bugs actually swam! It was his first time in a lake but he has been in knee deep water before.

I was kind of happy to get away and it was nice of him to have planned but there are a few things I was not overly excited about. First (while this was not anyone’s fault) the room was not that great- at all. It was a cottage type of place on the lake.  Anita- we hiked 7 miles all day long with 2 dogs. It was hot and at one point we had to climb steep rock steps up a mountain.  He took a pot gummy during the beginning of the hike. I’ve learned he likes to do drugs when he goes on vacation- and more than just pot.

Also Aiden had a game Sunday for a baseball tournament last minute- Aiden was an extra on another team that needed a player about 30 minutes away from us. When I said something he was like yes lets go no problem.  I interpreted that as he possibly wanted to meet the kids. In my head it felt good but I wanted to talk with him later about meeting the kids. It ended up him saying he would walk around with the dogs while I watched the game- They ended up losing on Saturday so Aiden had no games on Sunday to watch.

Last- I had to ask if I could post a picture or 2 on facebook and he said sure.  I haven’t yet and notice he didn’t post anything.  I feel I should not have to ask a question like that and we should post pictures occasionally already as we have been together “a long time” he stated this in the past. 8 months so far.

I feel frustrated and because I am on the Lexapro I really do not have the anxious attachment issued- it has gone down from a 10 to a 2 or 3.  I’m not in love and it has been 8 months.  Basically should I waste my time with someone when I could be doing other things I enjoy like horseback riding- it is expensive for the lessons and I do not have lots of time now- I spend a good amount of money dating Jason with food etc. In fact after he planned the trip he asked me for $250 for my half.

I just don’t know if this relationship is worth my time and energy.  I don’t know for sure that I am interested in just spending time with someone that I like for a long period of time (a year or more) and it never moving forward.

Lindsey

Dear Anita

I am seeing Jason tonight at his home. I am not sure what to say about these issues. Knowing his personality he will listen but I think his thoughts are “I like things how they currently are.” We do show pictures of our kids to each other and talk about them. His facebook contains pictures of him and his family only.  He shared that he has never posted a picture of himself and someone else he is dating (he did post 1 picture of us on a hike in May but I brought it up).  He is more of a private person.

I agree with you about the billing for half of the dating expenses but I’m not sure how that works or how much/when I should pay.  He did not press for the $250 yesterday when I asked about it- he may not at all.  I think he knew the cottage was not great.

I do have a problem with him taking pot gummies during the hiking trip.  He pressed me to take one and I said no.  When he asked multiple times my answer of no was assertive and probably annoyed sounding and he didn’t ask again.

In addition – i guess this would be a side note not related- I have serious body image issues.  We were at the lake during and after the hike on Saturday and there were a few women that looked really good in bathing suits.  While I didn’t think about him looking at the women or being jealous that he was looking I continued to feel bad about myself. I typically do not study my body in the mirror and  avoid the mirror if I am not wearing clothes.  This has always been an issue of mine and has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and had children- I’m 43.  There are all those self-help and self-esteems books etc on that everywhere and they don’t make a difference.

Lindsey

Dear Lindsey:

“I think his thoughts are ‘I like things how they currently are‘”- he is interested in keeping things as they are.

“I agree with you about the billing for half of the dating expenses but I’m not sure how that works or how much/when I should pay“- depends on his income and expenses vs yours. Let’s say he makes twice the money that you make and has half your expenses: in this case, I’d say you shouldn’t pay more than 25% of the dating expenses.

“I do have a problem with him taking pot gummies during the hiking trip.  He pressed me to take one and I said no.  When he asked multiple times my answer of no was assertive and probably annoyed sounding and he didn’t ask again“- I don’t know which of the following bothers you: (1) that he chewed it himself, (2) that he asked you to take one, or (3) that he repeatedly asked you?

“I have serious body image issues…“- do your body image issues cause you to feel that you should be grateful for things as they are with Jason and that you shouldn’t rock the boat, so to speak?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I just read your recent second post: “He will… agree that we are not at place where we are in love“- did he tell you recently what it is that he does FEEL for you or about you? What do you think he feels for/ about you?

anita

Dear Lindsey:

I figure that if social media didn’t exist, and he didn’t introduce you to his friends and family irl, this (not making the relationship public) would still be an issue. I hope you rest and process this evening- night and to read from you am.

anita