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Am I living right?

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  • December 16, 2015 at 7:55 pm #89812
    Marcel
    Participant

    I’m starting to not worry at all to many things because I feel so hopeless about it.

    – I started to worry less about my daily outfit and my physical appearence, because: 1) i’m not going to get a girlfriend, i’ve tried and failed and i get anxious of not getting anyone; 2) the people of my job place doesn’t care about it (i’m the son of the boss, they’ll be nice to me no matter how I look); 3) i get mentally tired of constantly thinking if i’m looking good (i’m kind of perfectionist and obsessive about me), so i begin to not care.

    – I started to worry less about my friends and my family. Lately i’ve been away from my friends because i get bored with ’em sometimes, also, they’re kind of toxic people and since our friendship i haven’t grown myself. The situation with my family is more complicated: my relationship with my mom is tough cause of her verbal abuse towards me, my dad lives with me but is absent, my grandma is sick and his mind is not working well, my sister is abroad, my aunt is depressed and sort of bipolar and my uncles are as abusive as my mom. So i just don’t care about them, if they are mad, sad, ill or whatever.

    I think i’m a terrible person because of my selfishness, but i’ve doing good recently like never before: i do exercise and my body is in good shape, i sleep better, i regret less of my decisions, declutter my mind and finally i’m starting to think of my career consciously. I just dont understand what is happening and i’m beginnig to get anxious about if i’m doing right or not. thank you and i hope you understand the whole text, as you can see, my english is not very good.

    December 16, 2015 at 8:08 pm #89814
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Marcel:

    It is not selfish of you to not care for people who verbally abuse you: your mother and uncles. It is selfish of them to abuse you, to hurt you by saying what they feel like saying. You are not a terrible person; they are terrible people for abusing you!

    I think you are doing the right thing by not caring much about your physical appearance, by not being anxious about it. I think you are doing the right thing not caring for people who are mean to you. I think you are doing the right thing getting away from toxic friends, all the things you mentioned. And worrying less is a good thing.

    Good job then!
    anita

    P.S. I think you should get away, if you can, all the way, away from anyone who abuses you!

    December 17, 2015 at 2:49 am #89820
    vizual
    Participant

    You have to understand that you thinking not getting a girlfriend is your problem in not getting a girlfriend. If you have made up in your mind you are not worthy to spend your life someone, you will act that way outward.

    You should dress nice and properly groom yourself because it makes YOU feel good, not the people around you. You don’t have to constantly worry if you look good or not. In the morning you just have to fix your hair, put on some nice clothes and groom yourself. After that, it’s people’s opinion if they think you look good or not. All that matters is that YOU think it looks good or not.

    I think you should address the perfectionistic side of you. It’s good to have high standards, but when high standards start giving you anxiety it becomes a problem. It puts you into “all or nothing” mode, not a mode which is sustainable and will make you happy.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by vizual.
    December 17, 2015 at 4:29 am #89822
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Marcel,

    I think your ultimate goal is to get a job and an apartment AWAY from your family. It sounds like a toxic brew over there.

    Appearance: Praise God you aren’t a girl! All a man has to do to look good is put on a collared shirt.

    OK, you have different levels of looking good:

    1. Tee shirt and jeans.
    2. Collared shirt
    3. Button down collared shirt
    4. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket
    5. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket and tie
    6. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket, tie and nice pants
    7. Button down collared shirt with blazer/jacket, tie, nice pants and dress shoes

    I WISH I WERE A GUY!!

    What I would do is try those options, one for every day of the week and see what happens. As a social experiment!

    The ladies: I can’t help you unless there is a YouTube video of you or something. But don’t give up!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
    December 17, 2015 at 2:47 pm #89843
    Marcel
    Participant

    hi anita, thanks for answering.

    Sometimes i doubt myself of all this and I get nervous. I doubt if I really have to take what they say as an offense to me, i dont know if im just weak or dont understand what they’re trying to say to me. My mom says “there something inside yourself that is wrong, so thats why you get mad or sick when i talk to you, its your fault”, my uncles directly doesnt care. The same thing happens with my friends and my whole life: i don’t know if im just being lame, immature or i’m avoiding responsibilty with my life or am i right to feel bad about how some people treats me and direct my life. Its like i’ve always lifted the guilt of everything that i just cant handle it anymore.

    Have a nice day, anyway. Cheers.

    December 17, 2015 at 3:43 pm #89846
    Marcel
    Participant

    hi vizual, thanks.

    I think the people in my job, my house, my gym and my friends doesn’t care about how I look, so why bother? Also I wont meet a girlfriend here at home or there at my gym so i just stop caring, i dont have any sort of motivation to groom myself that much.

    Have a nice day, cheers.

    December 17, 2015 at 9:02 pm #89864
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Marcel:

    You wrote: “My mom says “there something inside yourself that is wrong”- what a cruel mother you have. I am so sorry. So very sorry. There is something wrong with her heart- she has no heart. How can she say something like that… And of course you doubt yourself… I wish you stopped all contact with her and found out, through good psychotherapy, that there is nothing wrong with you, nothing inherently wrong with you. Whatever troubles you have stem from your mother being so hurtful, so damaging to you. You are hurt because she hurt you. You are injured because she injured you.

    She injured you yet no one else can heal the wounds but you reaching out for help.

    anita

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