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Am I too sensitive? Being blocked on Facebook?

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This topic contains 50 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Brandy 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 46 through 51 (of 51 total)
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  • #337154

    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi Janine,

    Thanks for answering my questions. You are very good at explaining things through your writing.  I’ll have some time tomorrow (Sunday) to write back. 🙂

    Do you know exactly what you said to him that made him feel hurt and mistrust you?

    I agree with Lara that you’ve been so brave and open here, and she’s so right about that job, and also that you need someone in your corner to support you, and I love what Anita is saying about first trusting yourself and then finding the motivation to develop your life.

    I’m proud of you for reaching out here.

    B

    #337208

    ninibee
    Participant

    antia,

    I have read your replies and I can do what you said and create a more fitting thread. You have said a lot, and I have looked over it a few times and am still looking over it. I can create a new thread with a collection of my thoughts on what you said here.

    #337210

    ninibee
    Participant

    anita & Lara,

    About being fired, I did know even beforehand that it was not a job for everyone and I was worried I wasn’t a good fit, so in some ways I am not surprised (and somewhere inside I might feel relieved as well).. but the difficulty about this situation for me is the powerlessness I feel. I felt identical when my landlord evicted me, even though I was already looking at other places to live anyway. In both this situations (and sometimes in my relationships) I felt like I was standing up for myself, and in both these situations the response was the other person completely cutting off my power. I essentially feel like my voice was taken away from me. With my ex-landlord I had spoken up about the black mold in the bathroom and the broken dyer, then the next day she gave me a eviction notice, and kept $1,700 of my money and just refused to talk to me about any of it.

    I speak up for myself and people just throw me out?

    #337214

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Janine:

    You did very well speaking up for yourself, it was the right thing for you to do and I hope you continue to do so. If an employer or a landlord punishes you for speaking up in illegal ways, such as withholding your $1700 illegally, you should take legal action against that person.

    Thing is, when you speak up, it doesn’t mean that you get your way. It means that you have a much greater chance of getting your way in life if you do speak up for yourself than if you don’t. If the employer didn’t have under candidates willing to take on the 12 hours shifts, they would have accommodated you and reduced your shift let’s say to 6 hours, giving the other six hours to another person.

    Speaking up for yourself, being assertive does work and it will work for you.

    I am looking forward to you starting a thread regarding the core beliefs, what I brought up in my recent two posts to you. I will now leave this thread for you to hopefully continue to communicate here with other members.

    (I will be back to the computer in about 12 hours).

    anita

    #337228

    ninibee
    Participant

    Brandy,

    Do you know exactly what you said to him that made him feel hurt and mistrust you?

    There was a discussion we were having about why I am not as vulnerable in the friendship as he felt like he was being. He was saying he felt like there was a discrepancy in how open he was versus how open I was, and he was upset about me not being comfortable around him yet. And I said that firstly, it takes time for me to open up, and I also gave him some ideas to “open me up” if he wanted to make me feel more comfortable in the friendship. I also said that I usually spend time observing people before I open up to them, so I have a lesser chance of making a mistake in some way. I said that I had observed things in him that made me less likely to feel entirely comfortable around him or interested being more open around him. He asked what I was taking about, and example I gave was one comment he made about one of his sexual partners, where he said he would like to get to know her better but when they are together “her mouth is too full for her to speak”… I think as a joke, but a joke I don’t necessarily care for. Speaking generally, I said “many people would find a comment like that appalling” and tried to explain it that a comment like that does not make me feel safe or comfortable opening up… and that was just the truth of the situation for me.

    His response was hurt because I called his comment appalling and he felt like I was secretly judging him and holding it against him. This was complicated for me because I think that judgement is immediate and natural. The joke did not make me dislike him as a person, but just made me think “well now I know I don’t want to ever be sexual with this person if he talks about his partners that way”. But nonetheless, he felt betrayed that I was simultaneously being his friend and also finding his humor of bad taste.

    #337234

    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi Janine,

    I act in some pretty strange ways sometimes that would give people reason to fire me and also block me.

    Well, let me just say that after he made his “joke”, I don’t find the way you acted to be strange at all. I don’t care for that kind of joke either, and like you, I also would not want to be sexually intimate with someone who makes inappropriate jokes like that about his partners. So your reaction makes sense to me.

    And he feels hurt and betrayed that you find his humor to be in bad taste? Well, his humor IS in bad taste! Maybe he will learn to keep those kinds of jokes to himself next time.

    So when you say “I act in some pretty strange ways sometimes” please explain because I don’t see anything strange in your behavior in the above situation. Can you give me a couple examples of you acting strange in situations?

    What I was saying earlier about making progress each day toward your goals, let’s say one of your goals is to completely organize your living space. Depending on the state of your apartment, this task may become totally overwhelming and you may not know where to even start. What I like to do is divide large overwhelming tasks into small, doable chunks, and complete one small chunk each day. So before I get out of bed in the morning I’ll decide exactly which chunk I’m going to accomplish that day. Maybe it’s to get through the mound of paperwork on my desk. So I’ll turn on some music while I’m sorting through my paperwork, and what usually happens is I become so pleased with my clean, organized desk that I’m suddenly inspired to make more progress in other areas on the following days. The more progress I make the more motivated I become to continue. But you need to be disciplined about it, committed to making a little progress day. It’s a great feeling to come home to a tidy, organized living space.

    You can also use this type of practice to get to where you want to be in your career. Maybe you see yourself working as a seamstress. So you collect information on how to get there and you then make a plan. If your plan seems overwhelming you can break it into small chunks and complete one chunk each day. Some days don’t work out as expected, but that’s okay because the next day may be better so you accept that it was a bad day and then you get right back on track. Keep at it. Keep moving forward by completing small, doable chunks. It feels good to make progress toward a goal, even when the progress is slow. The more progress you make, the more motivated you’ll become.

    B

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