Dear Alisha:

Let’s see what is taking place in this “dealing with this guy on and off for the past 3 years”:

1. He tells you that he cares for you.

2. He tells you that he may have a relationship with you sometime in the future when he “gets himself together/heal from past relationships”.

3. He tells you that you are “the only girl in his life”.

4. He tells you that he is “not into all of that”, that is dating you but that he wants to date you… in the future.

5. He has sex  with you from time to time in the present (not in the future).

In other words, he tells you this and that (1-4) and does only one thing (#5), from time to time. He tells you things that he will do in the future, but does only one thing in the present.

My answer to your question: no, it is not reasonable to wait for him. Seems to me that all you are likely to get from him in the future is more words, more suggestions of what he will do in the future.

What do you think about what I wrote here?

anita

Dear Alisha:

You don’t have to let go of him, let go only of the part of sleeping with him. If there is anything other than that part- let it happen.

anita

I agree with Anita, and 3 years is quite a long time to “get yourself together and heal.”  Is he even actively working on it? Or is he young and just doesn’t want to be tied down?

Two things might happen here:

1. He might finally decide that he wants to be in a relationship with you…. which, after 3 years, probably isn’t likely unless something changes, like if you start dating other people and he realizes he’s afraid to lose you. Right now, he’s comfortable with things as they are and you’re just there waiting and there’s no real risk of losing you, so why change anything, right? You waiting around for him is keeping you in limbo.

2. He might find someone he really wants to be in a relationship with, will get into a relationship with that person right away, and you will be left there feeling stunned and rejected. And I know it probably sucks to even hear that, but if you wait and he doesn’t end up doing what he keeps telling you he will, it’s going to make rejection feel sooooo much worse.

So my advice is, like Anita said, definitely stop sleeping with him. Then go out and actively date other people or try to find someone else you connect with. You might find someone you like even better OR it could jolt him into committing because he’ll realize you’re not just going to wait around forever.

Hello Alisha,

I think you had got a bulky of ideas here and there for free.

My dear Alisha,  we men are funny at some point , when we are not call at wee hour , that in the middle of the night and tell out your feelings.

Please my dear,  taken our advice from the bottom of your heart and put them into good use in order to deal with this man.

I may not say that , the man is ready to marry you or leave you BUT,  he is unearthed of something !!! What you do is; Try to be brave and call him in your own house without anyone as they third party person between. Swollen your pride and let him know how care about him and his friends and family.

Let him try to bite the bullet and tell you the truth , how much he love you. You can mould each other and work hand in hand to achieve your target.

If he lie you then we shall also give other formula of how you find out the truth love from him or his plans.

If the guy was in different relationships and the broke up then I would advise you to give time to heal his heart.

As I speak with you here I am also in a terrible pain.  Check my article , that follow your article.

With this love is by standing together as a husband and wife period.

If you have some other issues you had not iron out then , try to sit down , file those unnecessary evil under the pillow.

All the best dear.

Gregory