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Bottom of the Food Chain.

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  • #200425
    Justin
    Participant

    I honestly don’t know what to do with my life right now.

    To start off, my name’s Justin. I’m a dishwasher at a seafood restaraunt, and I’m a couple of years into college with no set major. I have very low self esteem, suffer depression, social anxiety, ADHD, all that good stuff. For years I’ve been depressed, not motivated or feel like I’m good enough. Due to my lack of energy and motivation, and crippled focus, I stay comfortable at my dishwashing job. I’ve asked for promotions, but it doesn’t seem like that’ll be happening anytime soon. I’m 20 years old. My thoughts are super negative, I’m not very connected to my family, and I feel pretty alone in the sense I’m not experienced enough in my life to have a girlfriend. Who wants to sleep with a dishwasher let alone hVe respect for? I feel like I’m at the bottom of the food chain. On the bright side, I’ve been eating right, working out, sleeping best i can, meditating sometimes… I’ve probably got imposter syndrome. Everything I feel like I enjoy feels like its allto support an ego that doesnt exist. I try to think otherwise, but it comes crawling back. I don’t know my purpose,probably along with a lot of people. I don’t know who to go to, what to do anymore. Say if i were to go job searching. I genuinely feel defective, and like i wont do a good jobor have the right amount of focus andenergy to maintain and improve. I’m a real psych junkie, knowing tons of stuff about all that fun to stuff, for self help reasons. Recently, my ex broke up with me. She cant see herself marrying me, because of where im at. Im really sick of this, not knowing what to do, where to go. I feel lost inside and out in my life, and I hardly see a speck of light, a mile above me. Stuck in a deep, dark, hole ive dug since I was younger, not knowing I was doing so. I need help, therapy. I’m attempting “NoFap”, trying to quit smoking marijuana, and anything else for instant gratification. All i want to do is relax and chill out and stay comfy with where im at in my life, but ikeep thinking of all the time im wasting. I compare myself to others. I know I’ve written a lot here… I really just want a solution. Please help.

    #200475
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Justin:

    Working as a dishwasher is not shameful. It is not considered a prestigious job, doesn’t look attractive on an imaginary relationship resume, but then, lots of jobs don’t look attractive on an imaginary relationship resume.

    I didn’t understand this part of your share: “I’ve probably got imposter syndrome. Everything I feel like I enjoy feels like it’s all to support an ego that doesn’t exist.” Can you explain it to me (without using the word ego, if you can)?

    anita

    #200529
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Justin

    You noted that you have a tendency to compare yourself with others. This is a good place to start working on in a mindfulness practice. How is the habit of comparing yourself to others working for you? Are there any payoffs you get from comparing yourself to others, even negative payoffs that might reinforce the behavior? Where did the habit come from?

    The site has allot of articles associated with this habit of comparison which might help you get started in your practice.

    13 Things to Do Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others

    #200531
    Peter
    Participant
    #200575
    Mark
    Participant

    Justin,

    1. Your thoughts are super negative

    2. You feel pretty alone

    3. You are taking care of yourself by eating right, working out, sleeping and meditating

    You said that everything you enjoy supports your ego, that you just want to relax and stay comfortable in your current life.

    You also said you want to do something more, that you are sick of “this,” etc.

    I am confused.  If you have super negative thoughts and feeling alone then how are you comfortable in your current life?

    What do you enjoy?

    What are you sick of?  What makes you believe that you are not in the right place?

    Mark

    #200655
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi Justin,

    Use your job that you don’t like as your path to mindfulness.

    Will sum up everything in quick pointers.

    Dish washing is considered as an excellent technique for mindfulness. An approach that will lead you to peace and bliss.

    Check out the instructions in this link. It has a pdf version to download too.

    (www.huffingtonpost.com/patrick-groneman/mindfulness-tips_b_3484380.html)

    Check this one too..

    “There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes. . . .”

    (www.zenwahm.com/mindfulness-practice)

     Mindfulness will get rid of the troublesome thoughts that are going on in your head (everything that you mentioned in your original post above), you will start enjoying your job, you will start enjoying life in general, nowhere to go, nobody needed to fulfill you, your entire consciousness will change, you will feel peaceful and joyful about life.

    – Once your inner consciousness is changed, things, places, people, situations, circumstances will begin to change.

    Even if they do not change you are still enjoying your life after starting this practice. So either way you are internally free and peaceful.

     

    #203261
    Bun
    Participant

    Hey Justin,

    I know you feel lack of motivation to switch jobs, but if you can’t feel better about your job title, maybe you should find excitement(motivation) in thinking of a new job position. I once stayed in toxic roommate situation because I felt too crippled by being overwhelmed/depression. Eventually, I had no choice but to go. Looking back I realize though it felt nearly impossible to make a change, when the time came when I had no choice, I did make that change and things improved. My point is…I feel you would feel so much happier and lighter to pursue something new, with a title that you respect. It may be hard with no motivation, but just force yourself(if you do want to switch jobs) because in the end it will be worth it and I feel you may be motivated as you see that you can and are moving into a job position that you respect. The minute you start comparing yourself to others you need to stop and be compassionate to yourself. We all have been dealt different cards so to compare “progress” is unfair to you and your life story. Admire those you wish to be like, but try to keep it positive by constantly watching the pesky thoughts.

    Example:

    Bad: “He has so much more than me”

    Good: “Wow, I like what he has. And I will be able to reach that level one day, for now I will take whatever step is next needed”

    One step at a time?

    No idea if that helped. Sending you light and love brotha 🙂

    #205179
    Justin
    Participant

    Thank you to everyone for the wonderful tips and advice. I hadnt checked until now.

    I took up meditating everyday, and I’m about a month in. I feel more calm in general and more free and less reactive. I went off my ADHD meds recently and despite how I feel I’m still doing what I need to do, mostly. I’ll take a look at those articles, I do enjoy a good knowledge binge.

    #205207
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Justin.  Post  again anytime.

    anita

    #205397
    jellybean
    Participant

    Dear Justin

    What things interests you? Perhaps painting? Something related to IT programming? You could take some time to think about it and do some research how you could further pursue those interest? My sister was diagnosed with ADHD. It is not easy for learning development but I do know a guy who successfully became a fitness instructor. These days you can further develop this career – become a youtube fitness instructor, volunteer to teach self defence to those who were abused etc. You are a wonderful human and there are many things you could contribute which someone else would find difficulty in.

    You mentioned through meditation you could ‘wean off’ ADHA meds. That is  FANTASTIC! My sister might have great difficulty to do that. Basically she doesnt like religion nor meditation. You could become a great inspiration to people who are struggling with some kind of difficulty.

    I wish you much success.

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