At the start of the year I ended an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. During the relationship I was constantly made to feel second best to other women which caused me to develop a pattern of thinking where I would constantly put myself down. I was in a bad place during the years I was in the relationship and ended up believing I would never be good enough and my confidence was extremely low. Once I ended the relationship I started to feel slightly better in some respects but I recently started a new relationship with a really great person but I can’t seem to stop bringing my confidence issues and painful past into the new relationship. I am starting to feel the way I used to feel, but now I am the one causing it (my partner does nothing but make me feel good about myself but I can’t seem to accept compliments etc). I just would love to know if anyone has any tips for getting over the past and building confidence.. thanks in advance.
I’m sorry to hear that you went through that other relationship, and now that is affecting this one. You see that some bevaviors jumped from that to this, and it’s not working for you. That is a positive point. Do you think you need some kind of recovery process? Would this straighten out your distorted thinking? Food for thought.
It takes time and commitment to yourself. Think of this as about you not the relationship. Talk to someone objective and make a list of all the things you can do now, you could not do in a relationship. Just my 3 cents.
Big Blue – yes I think some kind of recovery process would definitely help. I do try to tell myself that my doubts and anxieties are my ex’s problem, not mine. But sometimes it’s so easy to blame yourself, especially on a rough day!
Maureen -I think you’re right, listing those attributes (and perhaps looking at them during the tough times) sounds like a great idea!