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    Do you think people change over time on a superficial level only? Or can it be from a much deeper place, depending on what past issues are addressed from within that person? Sometimes I really feel like it is not possible really to change who you are at the core, your soul, etc. However, I have been thinking lately that many other facets of who we are can be modified based on how you unpack and address past things that have happened and what you choose to learn from those experiences.  Is it just the ego that changes, and the deep part of our minds and souls is what stays constant and is just repressed and dormant unless tapped into correctly? Any thoughts and feedback are welcome! Thank you.


    Hi K,

    I think we have a tendency to identify with our personalities so much that we forget that our personality is not our soul. Our soul is who we are at our core, our highest most in tune, tapped in self.

    I won’t get into the dance between the conscious and unconscious mind, nor will i get into how the conscious mind’s role is to act as a gatekeeper (identifying constructive & destructive thoughts and monitoring what is allowed in and what isn’t).

    We actually have many behaviors that create many different personalities or egos- these are influenced by our upbringing, environment, & experiences. So let’s say, someone develops a behavior around a negative experience, like dating. This person has many terrible dating experiences and now this person thinks “all men/women are cheaters.” Something like that, and so these experiences impact this person negatively & now, they are closed off and not trusting. These reactions & behaviors, this is now apart of their “personality.” Maybe they become deep rooted patterns over time if this person neglects to do self development work.

    Now personally, do I think people can change? Yes.

    Can you change?

    I ask this because I once thought people couldn’t change. But I thought that I could change. I realized that was problematic. Like am I special? Not really. If I can change, others can change.

    Like the example above, this person has adopted behaviors to protect themselves. That is a change.

    My bigger question then is- is it so much about changing, Or is it about becoming our true selves? This is under the idea that our true self is our best self. Understanding that experiences outside of us impact us like shades on glasses. Adding layers and layers of shades, making it harder to see clearly our true selves.

    I would say one simple way to navigate this, with the example in mind, have a value & integrity system. With a value system, we can solidify these personalities & develop a character. A strong healthy, constructive, harmonious (harmonious as in aligned with our soul) self.

    But if you are asking this because you have some people in mind who behave disruptively/negatively.. And you want to know can they change? In short, yes. But no one can make that decision but them. All we can do on the outside is observe patterns and behaviors.

    Good luck.



    Hi K- looking back on my own life I can say that we can have many lives lived in one, and these new lives change our behaviours and our reactions to situations, sometimes as the natural process of physical ageing, and sometimes as a result of things happening to us.

    Whether we change in our core being ie that person we were born as, and was given a destiny, I don’t know. I think the best thing is to value who we are at any given moment in time because life is a process of growth- think of the plant and how that changes and adapts and seems very different at different stages yet remains the same plant that sprung from that individual seed.

    When you sense yourself changing and others not, or seeing others change and you are standing still, then maybe it is time to just look at where you are- and not think too much of others-is it time for yourself to make changes, or is it time to stay the same? Only you know the answer…


    I think you might benefit from reading Ekhart Tolle – “The Power of Now” … he has a lot to say about your question .. in fact almost the entire book … There is also a smaller and more consise version called “Practising the Power of Now” which is an easier read for some …

    Love and Light



    Hi K,

    I don’t believe that we can change at our core.  I think the person we were meant to be resides at our core.  The way our core self is nurtured through parenting, schooling, friendships etc. may not always be appropriate for our inner needs.  There may come a point in our lives when we want to undo the effect that the wrong ‘programming’ has had on us.  This is all the times that we haven’t been accepted for who we are, that we may have been ridiculed, bullied, had other people’s expectations forced upon us and so on.  We can change this faulty programming.  The difficulty is that the people around us, family and so on may resist any changes they see happening.  When you stop responding in your normal manner because of the changes you are making within yourself, their responses will have to change also.  Does that make sense to you?

    There is learning in every experience – you choose what to take from your experiences.  We are all a work in progress.  Just when we think we’ve got it worked out, along comes life throwing up new challenges.


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