Dear Noor:

I read through our communication since June 30, 2020, the day of your original post on this thread. I will now re-read and reply (for the first time) to your Aug 1, 2023 post:

“Dear Anita, I really hope to hear back from you!“- you are hearing back from me, and thank you for the  (a big smile on my face).

“How have you been?? I hope things are well on your end. I occasionally think of our conversations on here and how much of an impact you made in my life“- I am fine, thank you! It feels good to read that I had an impact on your life, in a positive way, that is.

“I am officially married now“- (belated) C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S !!!

“It is still feels unreal knowing that I am now a wife when just yesterday I was so anxious about dating, meeting someone etc. Married life has only been for about a month now and everything has been going great so far“- notice how the anxious mind works: (things have been going great so far), but what’s next, will things continue to be going great? Or not. The anxious mind fears the future.

“Our wedding was a lot of fun, filled with so much love and happiness. We are still feeling the wedding blues of missing our special day since it was just everything we wanted–but it is now exciting to plan for our future. We are growing in our careers and constantly trying to plan our next vacation!“- good to read!

“I still get anxious about things here and there, for example, lately just anxiety about how married life will be“– the anxious mind worries about the future, overthinking the future, forgetting to experience the present. You wrote about it in your other thread (“Overthinking has replaced my present“) back on July 3, 2020: “Usually when anything negative happens in my life then my anxiety gets worse. My worst habit is overthinking and creating countless ‘what if’ scenarios,… I am always thinking about the future or the past and it has taken away my ability to enjoy my life for what it is right now… lately, I feel all I do is worry about future problems that may not even happen“-

– because negative things often happen, Notice whenever you perceive that something negative has just happened, and the resulting anxiety and overthinking that just started, and Pause. Next,  Address the situation (is the thing that happened really negative? Is there something I can say or do to make it better?). Next,  Respond (say or do something is likely to be helpful )- or not (say/ do nothing when that’s wise), and then Redirect (examples: take a cold/ hot shower, go for a walk). I call this strategy NPARR (Notice, Pause, Address,  Respond-or-not, Redirect).

“I am confident in my partner, and in myself, but the anxiety side of me can often take over in a way that can make me feel a bit down. So I am finding ways to still navigate this. I think a great part of it stems from not seeing the best relationships growing up and unconsciously fearing that what I have does not ever get jeopardized“- afraid that what you experienced in the past (witnessing bad relationships growing up) will be what you will experience in the future (maybe later in the day, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year…).

When we experienced in the past (particularly in childhood) something significantly negative, our brain naturally remembers it and is alert to the possibility- however unlikely- that the significantly negative event will happen again and whenever something negative happens, we get alarmed, anxious.

I re-read some of our communication, but if you shared about those bad relationships that you experienced growing up, you didn’t share much, did you?

anita

Dear Caroline:

You are very welcome. “My husband (that still feels strange to say lol!) is supportive and understanding when I do get anxious, however, I do not think it is fair for me to just put the burden of my anxiety on him, so I want to ensure I learn better how to independently cope“- your husband (!) is fortunate to have a conscientious, self-aware and responsible woman for a wife!

“If I make a new account though how would you know it is me if my username is different?“- I will know!

anita