Hi Anita

Well done on sticking with the conversation even though it is very hard and you want to run away. ❤️

I remember that you have difficulties with your memory Anita and it helps you to write things down. ❤️

Thank you for seeing me.

What I’m hearing from you Anita is that gestures of goodwill help you to see the good intentions of people despite difficulties and this is really helpful for you in conflict.

I also understand that you are feeling blamed and hurt too. ❤️

I have been thinking about something and it might be sensitive. ❤️

I have Autism and for people with Autism there are specific difficulties that they can have when they feel overwhelmed. They have tendencies to either have outbursts or shut down. Personally, I tend to shut down. But if pressed beyond what I can cope with I do have outbursts. Medication helps me when I’m really stressed to manage this in a healthy way. It has been really hard for me being a parent because I have a much higher base stress level than I used to because I don’t have as much time to practice self-care.

Outbursts and shutting down can be mistaken for abuse by people who are not familiar with the condition. It is regretful when I lose control. But it is not my fault that I have the conditions and obviously C-PTSD makes things that much harder. I empathise that it is difficult and hurtful for people to be on the receiving end of these things.

Do I remember correctly that you have Tourette’s, C-PTSD and ADHD? ❤️

I have a question Anita and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. ❤️

I wondered if there are any difficulties that these conditions might cause especially during conflict? ❤️

I can understand the fears of bullying, but I think there are lots of good people here and I don’t think that anyone wants to bully anyone.

I have similar concerns about bullying online, because this is a public space, criticism can feel like public shaming. ❤️

I’m going to set a boundary for talking to both you and Tee individually. I’m not going to talk negatively about the other person whilst discussing your feelings. ❤️

Hi Tee

What I’m hearing from you Tee is that you feel very unseen, blamed and that the situation is unfair. ❤️

Do you feel like it helps you to see others good intentions when they make efforts to show that they see the difficulties that you are experiencing during conflict? ❤️

I have faith. I hope that making an effort to deescalate will be seen and that things will work out in the end. I believe that trying my best is good enough.

As I said to Anita, I’m going to set a boundary with both of you. I’m going to talk to you both individually about your feelings and I won’t talk negatively about the other person. ❤️

I see that you are deeply hurt Tee. I see that you are trying your best and that everyone has a need to protect themselves in conflict. ❤️

Dear Brandy:

Thank you for your care and for naming your fondness for me. I receive that. I also want to name what’s difficult in your message—not to reject your goodwill, but to protect my clarity.

You describe my boundary with Tee as an “overreaction,” and suggest that my emotional sensitivity may be accommodated too much. You say you want to stand up for me, but that doing so “would not benefit me.” That framing—however gently offered—positions me as someone whose discernment is distorted by trauma, and whose boundaries are excessive or punitive. That’s a reversal I’ve lived through many times, and I won’t internalize it here.

I didn’t cut Tee off. I closed a loop. I named my limit. I did so without accusation, without spectacle, and without asking anyone to take sides. That’s not punishment—it’s self-protection. You say Tee apologized and clarified, and that it “didn’t resolve anything.” But resolution isn’t owed when harm is named. Sometimes clarity is the resolution.

You also mention that unnamed references “don’t fool anyone.” That line implies manipulation, and I reject that. I’ve been precise in my language, and intentional in what I’ve chosen not to name. That’s not evasion—it’s discernment.

I understand your longing for a space where people don’t tiptoe. I share that longing. But I also know that emotional safety isn’t created by asking the most wounded to be more resilient—it’s created by honoring their boundaries without pathologizing them.

I’m not asking the world to adapt to me. I’m refusing to adapt to harm. That’s a different thing.

Thank you for your wish for healing. I wish the same for you.

—Anita

Of course it’s okay for you to share what you learned, Alessa ❤️

Hi everyone,

I’d like to share my perspective of what happened in the last few days.

Anita rejoined the discussion on this thread, with this stated intention:

I’m sharing this not to reopen conflict, but to reclaim truth.

However, her “reclaiming truth” consisted of insisting on her version of events, in which she was the only victim – the party that was harmed – and hasn’t done anything wrong.

Some of the members responded with general openness and a call for a mutually respectful dialogue, and lessening of the tensions, I assume. Anita appreciated that:

Following my return to this thread yesterday, the first time I addressed the conflict, Peter expressed goodwill: “We all come from the same place: wanting to help and wanting to be seen. I hope we can continue our dialogue from that space… In a World where you can be anything, Be Kind.”

So did Jana: “I’ll let you explain the conflict to each other… I just needed to remind us… we all need the same, love, feeling of security, understanding.”

And so did Alessa: “I appreciate the gesture of goodwill that you are trying to soften things with some positivity… I appreciate that you have done your best to talk about these things despite it being difficult for you. I appreciate you being respectful and understanding. I can see that you are trying your best.”

Since I on the other hand insisted that true conflict resolution cannot happen without all parties taking responsibility for their part of the problem, and I couldn’t accept that Anita refuses any accountability for her actions – I was accused of having no empathy or goodwill, and of remaining in a battle mindset:

But no empathy and no goodwill from you, Tee—only accusation, repeated accusation. Not even once did you give me any credit for returning to this thread and addressing the conflict as best I can.

It feels like you’re locked in a battle mindset, Tee—focused on winning, not understanding.

Anita re-evaluated her previous judgments about several members. Those members who haven’t challenged her since her return, now returned to her good graces, and she apologized for being judgmental towards them:

I was wrong in regard to Alessa and Jana.. and Peter. I was judgmental, I realize now, looking back.. I interpreted some of your imperfections through a lens of judgment, rather than understanding. That showed itself in my silence, if not otherwise. I regret that.

I on the other hand was confirmed as a villain and a pariah, and indeed, resembling her mother:

I would say that your anger, Tee—the way you go after me, the way you don’t let go, while having absolutely no empathy for me—does remind me of my mother.

In short, I remained the bad guy, while others, who haven’t challenged her, returned to her good graces.

When Alessa accommodated her even more, wanting to protect her from discomfort and taking into account Anita’s possible sensitivity to conflict due to her past trauma and her mental health problems, past and present, Anita was overjoyed:

I am so positively impressed with you, Alessa.. so… grateful to you being you! This boundary is more than fair!!! And it’s a relief, for me. It makes me feel safer here.

Thank you so much, Alessa, for making this thread, this space, feels like less like an enemy territory!

So now, this became a “safe space” for her, because she isn’t required to have any accountability for her actions and can continue business-as-usual.

She got her narrative confirmed: she is the victim, and those who dare to oppose her or express anything displeasing to her, are the villains.

Of course she was overjoyed…

But, where does this leave this forum? Perhaps in the category of those “safe spaces” which are not really safe, which Peter was talking about. Where people are walking on eggshells around a certain “very sensitive” individual. Where all dissenting voiced are silenced.

And Brandy, I’m so grateful to you for speaking out, both now and before, during the original conflict. I would like to quote what you said back then about a certain pattern repeating with Anita (you posted this on August 9):

I still struggle with how things played out between you and other members here on this forum over the past couple weeks. As an outside observer, what occurred seemed hurtful and unfair. And this has happened before…and the hurtful posts get deleted, Tiny Buddha loses caring, well-meaning, helpful contributors, and things go on as if nothing happened, that is, you move on to the next member who is looking for advice. And I do recognize that you yourself are a caring, well-meaning, and very helpful contributor, and that you’ve done a lot of good here.

It seems that we’re on the path of this scenario happening again. My hope for this forum is similar to yours:

I hope these forums don’t become a place where members are constantly tiptoeing around each other in fear of being humiliated or rejected.

But it doesn’t seem to be going in this direction, so far.

I am sad about it, but also willing to accept it and move on.

Tee, I hear your pain and your perspective. What I won’t accept is the reframing of my boundaries and truth-telling as manipulation or favoritism. I’ve named harm with clarity, offered repair where I saw fit, and refused to collapse into emotional labor for those who bypass accountability. That’s not a lack of empathy—it’s emotional sovereignty.

I won’t engage in a dynamic where my refusal to self-indict is cast as villainy, nor will I accept comparisons that pathologize my boundaries. If this space feels unsafe to you because I won’t perform care on demand, then perhaps what’s needed is not less truth—but more capacity to hold it.

Anita