Hello to everyone here. I thought I would surface and begin by wishing everyone well.

Life has been hectic. I have learned a lot about myself in the last several very intense months.

Today, I am honestly feeling very sad. I continue to struggle to find contentment.

I am convinced that I am a terrible parent. We had a rough summer – a failed overseas study abroad trip for my teen child. I had to bail them out. Multiple contributors to the request for SOS. I was glad to bring them home, and we bonded both before and after the trip. But I also sense them detaching from me, even pushing me away, snarling that I don’t understand and only talk about my own problems. (We are both in counseling and also on meds). Trying hard to be self-aware, to not talk about myself so much, but I just can’t break through. My head tells me that it “takes two.” It’s an instance where you have zero say in how they’re feeling. There was an event at the high school that led to a huge letdown for them and they’re refusing to talk to me. I’m just sad. I feel powerless.

Lots of self-doubt. I am still professionally successful, but care a lot less about this now than I had. My dive into ministry has been okay. I overdid it – I work way too much and am paying a price for it. My brother is very worried about me. I admit that I am, too.

And as hard as I tried, I still crave opposite-sex companionship. Someone from my past reached out and asked if we could be friends, and I agreed. The two meetings have been quite nice. Yesterday, she asked me if we could jump back into a full-blown relationship. I thought we were just friends. She said that she is disappointed and does not understand why I won’t pick up where we left off a year and a half ago. I said I don’t feel ready for it (despite some inner urges).

I feel stuck in this arena, too. I might not be able to find common ground with her. I have tried everything I can imagine. Anchoring in community is not working for me (because someone always has a question for the minister). Pretty much everyone else in my social circle is married and legitimately busy. Not giving up and I am aware that this is a common dilemma for people.

Feeling very lost in general and overtired as well. I am actually about to spend a couple of days alone in nature. Hope they might be restorative while this enormous war wages within my heart and soul.

I don’t expect responses – just want to thank you for listening and sending good vibes.

Omyk

Dear Anita-

Thank you for your positive wishes. I am grateful.

regards,

Omyk

Dear Anita –

Thank you so much for inquiring. I was determined to make this a strong year for me, but I am off to a rough start. I don’t know for sure, but I might be losing my job. I had my annual review and my boss refused to share my advisory committee’s feedback with me. He would only say that the decision on retaining me would be communicated in writing in one month. Very unusual and quite cold. To be honest – my ego is bruised and my feelings hurt.

I might have an opportunity for a full-time pastoral position. My superior has told me that he wants to place me in a community, but I am not familiar with the area and have no idea what the financial package will look like.

I am trying to take it a day at a time and see how it all unfolds. Maybe the situation will improve. But this last week was tough. I feel physically exhausted.

Thank you very much for inquiring. All of my best to you.

Omyk

Dear Anita –

I like emojis – it is a way I connect with my child. Fun has been in short supply. I like to take long walks in forest trails and alongside water. Not easy to do this in the winter – it has been cold and snowy in my region. My schedule has been unrelenting of late because my child is very active with extracurricular activities, so I have been driving quite a lot.

Later in the spring there will be some time to devote to more intentional activities. Maybe I can challenge myself to learn how to create fun in the darker, quieter, colder seasons of the year.

I hope you are well –

Omyk