Hi – I am sorry I have been offline for so long. I had a medical procedure with a lengthy recovery, and also waited to hear about my employment status until the last minute. I just passed the five-year anniversary of my spouse’s death. And then I got myself into some trouble with work issues, but I think I have found a resolution. It can be hard when you are working on yourself and a revelation arrives after you have made a verbal commitment. The five-year anniversary has been very hard. I found myself reflecting on my life and wept for several days, on and off. Now I feel much more at peace afterwards and am just trying to be happy with what I still have in my current life. I have been looking for new activities and new people and I neglected to sit still with where I am and who is there. I think it is going to be a lot better now, especially if I can resolve my dilemma.

Good vibes and peace to you!
Omyk

Thank you, Anita. My health is better – I just had post-surgical fatigue for quite some time and am having some minor problems with my respiratory system. I think everything will be okay.

my employer renewed my position for several years after I had started arranging for an alternate job. One thing led to another (so to speak), and the people involved with the other job announced my hiring. It is possible for me to do both jobs, so I am going to see how it goes – especially since one never knows how things are going to go in a new position.

In all of my mental gymnastics, I finally realized that the life I have been leading is fine. The only real change I needed to make was to allow people in, which is more difficult for me than it was when I was young. If no one new comes along, I am fine. If new people come along, even better. I think I was looking for something to fill a void – a job where I felt appreciated, a companion so that I would feel loved. Much of what I was looking for was already a part of my life. I did not need the second position. (Though, in my defense, three years of being told you are likely to be let go does motivate one to look for new opportunities).

I am concerned that maybe I have boxed myself in, but I do have time to see how it goes and evaluate everything before making related decisions (like relocating closer to the second job, which has fewer opportunities for remote work).

Staying in the present and resisting orchestrating the future is hard work.

Hope all is well!

Omyk

HI Anita –

Thank you for responding. I felt immediate relief when my term was renewed for several more years. But yes, I have some lingering anger. I am not convinced that all is well at the institution. I may eventually just blend into the new position. The dilemma is that it pays less and is in a considerably more expensive location. I guess time will tell.

It’s interesting, I am reading some spiritual literature for a seminar i am teaching and am finding that the author seems to be speaking directly to me today! 🙂

Omyk