Hello Anita

Indeed. That’s also why she needs solid proof. Without what I told you, it would not be such a problem despite her depression.
So you may perhaps understand what she means when she says  my changes are far from enough. She has pretty bad history. She need to see. She didn’t want to have further burden waiting so she took that decision. But I was hoping she would take her decision after seeing me..
She can’t be disappointed again. It would be drama and extremely harsh for her. She couldn’t stand it.

Of course now I can’t come straight away with that. But she need to feel I am ready. Or I don’t know maybe it would be a so great good surprise that she would accept. But risky, placing me in demand.. Before marriage she also need to see other changes. In some way it was also better we didn’t marry at that time. It would be very unhappy one. That’s why I keep telling to friends that covid was a chance for me. It gave me distance and time to improve on myself in all domains.

My idea if she accepts would be having a time talking. Maybe invited her walking or having something. Or even at home. I would talk about the past, my regrets, my awareness in what I failed and understood, speak about present, my changes, what I am now, how I now I changed. And make transition to future to speak about my plans, making a family..
If she doesn’t feel I am mature she won’t project. And if she feel ok, it could naturally lead to common projection.

Now I going to send a message after almost one month. I will ask her about her, how she is and her job. And that I thought about her.

Hello Anita.

Yes I am ready. It’s not necessary about marriage. If we would be in the same country, maybe we would’t yet.  But I am really ready this time for lifetime fullfilment and do what I fail in the past.

Hello anita.

In fact, I tried to explain that I had different issues. Because before I didn’t solve my problems, I couldn’t commit. We were talking about, wanted to doo it. But I always escaped or avoided. I think I wasn’t mature. Because my situation was not great.

Sorry I meant lifetime commitment. Yes I will do what is take in order to be able to live together. But as of now, it will be too early to offer her this right after. We’ll have to start over something new and she’ll have to trust me and see how I am.

I have ready to commit in order to live with her. We never really lived together. So I was saying that for us marriage is a must. If living in the same country, we would have already start it and marry later. What I am ready is to commit to live with her whatever it takes.

Hello anita

It’s not quite that. Regarding the situation we can’t jump to marriage now. That doesn’t mean I don’t want. But for now it’s too early. She didn’t leave because I didn’t want to marry but rather because there were many issue. I would like to marry to live together but I thing now I can’t come with that. She will have to feel comfortable that I changed enough to be in a relationship again. After indeed we’ll marry to live together. I think it’s a big risk if I talk about marriage regarding the other issue she need first to see.

Hello anita

I don’t know if you understand all aspects. My intend is to marry.  But if you see the relationship at the moment, it’s definitively not what she wants to hear. She must know I am open to it that’s true. But it is not her priority right now.  It’s too early in the sense that we first need to adopt each other again. We will do step by step. It’s very difficult to know the whole situation but I would tell it’s not by telling her it would change something for the moment. What is the most important is that she feels secure : the job, my changes etc. Then we will consider next steps together and we will.

But it’s true I may tell her this. Not that I am not ready. But all steps must be made before to achieve it. We will do fast anyway because we can’t do long distance anymore.  Some points can remain unclear for you. But the main issue was not to get marry. Yes at some point she wanted. But at the end she realized it wasn’t a good idea until I cleared the problems I had.

I just contaxcted her today. But it was still very distance. We need to take the temperature. I can’t return to her that fast we need to take our time. I was almost afraid to ask her to already come in 10 days.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by damien.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by damien.

Hello anita

It would be indeed interesting. And I would be definitively surprised. Because there are so much things I would like to know.
But I know I can’t just come like that after all this time. I can’t come straight with marriage. It’s what I intend. If discussion goes well and feels ok, I could go progressively with all the things. It could also be not confident enough to go on with all aspects. I learnt I should stay a bit in distance and not showing too much on trying to be back together. But still be interested. She will if she sees me a new person. Again it will depends how it goes. It will be necessary to speak a bit about the past. But it will be difficult she changes her mind. I will come in the excuse to come for stuff. It won’t be a date yet. I will have to see first how open she will be.
Could I take like past, present and futur ?

Now my first step would be to able to ask her I come. I already talked to her and she answered in 2 minutes which is already a good sign that we still have a connection..

Yes I hope. Even if I will have to refrain in the beginning like asking why she broke up.

It’s true. She wouldn’t like as such. If I were, she wouldn’t see as the person she loved. But making a better person.

Thank you for your advice.