Dear Alessa,
I thank you for your friendship. I do not believe I am a good influence. No matter how I try, I still shoot my mouth off. Not remembering where I am and how I should behave. And, I do not need to end another friendship with anger towards me. Too much bad Karma. I have no friends only hobbies, now. And apparently, memories of my worse behavior still remain large in the minds of those I have offended here. So, I need to just find a different place where I can start fresh. Will miss you.

Tommy

Note: I wish you all the best, too.

Dear Tommy and Alessa:

I want to address this post to both of you because I deeply appreciate Alessa’s heartfelt support of you, Tommy, and I hope you’ll feel supported by her in this conversation. My reason for writing is for me to learn and grow into a wiser and better person, both in these forums and in real life. As I write, I am reflecting deeply, and in some ways, I may not be the same person who finishes this post as the one who started it.

First, Tommy, I realize now that I misunderstood something you wrote yesterday. I didn’t know you were referring to Tara, someone with whom you recently had a fallout. I mistakenly thought you were talking about Lily-Mae from last August. This misunderstanding led me to focus on the past in ways that might have felt unfair or unhelpful.

Alessa, I noticed you wrote to Tommy: “I don’t judge you for what happened in the past. I’m actually sorry it was brought up.” I want to clarify that I brought it up because I mistakenly believed Tommy was speaking about Lily-Mae. When I thought about his words from the context of Lily-Mae, I became concerned that similar feelings of blame could affect others Tommy might interact with in the future.

Tommy, I sincerely apologize for misunderstanding your words.

That said, I want to share my thoughts about what you wrote yesterday regarding Lily-Mae: “Unfortunately, she had created her own issues and does need to move on.” This statement feels as though you’re still assigning blame to Lily-Mae, which could unintentionally minimize the complexity of her struggles. Mental health challenges, particularly depression and suicidal thoughts, are not something people “create” or simply “move on” from. These struggles are deeply rooted and often require empathy and support.

Your reflections show that you’ve acknowledged past mistakes, and I admire your willingness to grow. I noticed you wrote, “I think it best I don’t express myself anymore. Don’t know who I might offend next… I do not believe I am a good influence.” It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden of guilt, and I truly believe this guilt might still be influencing how you see yourself and others.

If it’s okay with you, I’d like to explore this idea further—because I’ve struggled with unresolved guilt myself, and I know how painful and overwhelming it can be. Letting go of false guilt and the shame that comes with it has been a long journey for me, and I believe it might be for you as well. If you’re open to it, we can talk about this together, as two people learning from one another.

I hope you know that my intention in this post is not to overwhelm or criticize but to hold space for understanding and growth—for both of us. I truly believe in the possibility of fresh starts, not by running from the past, but by healing what holds us back.

Thank you for wishing me (and everyone here) the best. If you choose not to respond, I’ll understand and respect that. But if you’re open to this conversation, I think it could be an opportunity for both of us to take another step toward growth and healing.

anita

Dear Tommy:

I don’t remember ever reading a post by you that feels so honest, heartfelt, and genuine. I was in awe of your words as I read them. I want to quote from this meaningful post and respond to a few parts:

“You did what you thought was right.”- This is so kind and generous of you to say—thank you!

“And I admit I was pompous when commenting on Lily-Mae.”- I, too, have been pompous at times when commenting in the forums, without realizing it in the moment. Reflecting now, I see it was my way of overcompensating for feeling “less than” much of my life— projecting superiority by being overly critical and unforgiving.

These behaviors—being overly critical and non-forgiving— are how I’ve treated myself for too long. My own internal harshness was mirrored outwardly in my interactions with others. I realize now that when I focused on your tone in the forums, I was deflecting— avoiding the need to confront my own critical tone toward others. It’s humbling to see how much we mirror each other in this regard.

I need to forgive myself for my past mistakes and extend that forgiveness to others. “We all create our own situations. And when they are self-defeating, we need to get out from under it…” You said this so perfectly—I couldn’t agree more.

“I am not a very compassionate person. So, you were right. I got angry for being told the truth about myself. And, with time and some space I can see I was wrong.”- I wasn’t a compassionate person myself. I think I lost much of my compassion for others when my mother abused my compassion for her through her histrionics (“Poor me…”). It took me a long time to separate my compassion from her manipulation, but I feel I’m becoming more compassionate now— and this recent communication with you is helping me grow.

“Staying here would bring Karma around to kick my butt.”- You speak of letting go of the balloon, and I wonder what a fresh start might look like for you. Is there a way to rejoin the community with a renewed perspective, free of the weight of past karma?

“The king asked his advisors to help him remember that happiness and sadness are temporary events…”- Personally, Tommy, you’ve made a positive difference in my life— most recently, in just the past day or two. You’ve helped me realize that my harshness toward you and others stemmed from my own harshness toward myself. I suspect the same is true for you.

What if we made a vow to ourselves: This Internal Harshness Shall Pass? Replacing it with softness and kindness could change not just how we treat others, but how we see ourselves. Thank you, Tommy, for inspiring this reflection—it’s a gift I didn’t expect.

anita