Exactly two years ago, June 29, 2018, you posted regarding a CBT situation/ emotion/ thoughts log and an Activity Diary you were working on. Regarding finances, you worked out a strict budget, planning on extending your overdraft at the time till July, and then saving with a budget plan for the next few months, so to pay off all your debt. You also shopped for food the other day, planning on eating healthier.
You described at the time nightmares you were having: “I am prone to getting severe nightmares… The nightmares always revolve around something that’s happened in the past, but it happens again in the dream, but differently.. After I’ve had the nightmares, my mind feels so trapped, taken back to the past and a bad place, and sometimes it can take me all day to get back to my present reality”.
Two years later, June 28, 2020, you wrote: “I’ve recently found myself reflecting on my own guilt, and my own background of where I came for. I think this is a massive reason why I hide away from the world. I don’t feel normal or human, and I feel like if everyone knew everything about me then they would see me as a walking freak show…
“I come from generations of close/ breeding and sometimes distanced incest. This is horrible. I wish I had a heritage that I was interested and proud of, but I don’t. I don’t feel like a normal or deserving person”-
You are not defined by your heritage, Cat. You are not defined by any incest that may have occurred in your family. We humans have so much in common with each other as strangers, and often we have more in common with strangers than we have with family.
Our families do not define us. Let our humanity define us, not our families. As I say from time to time: sometimes Family is just another f word. Look at yourself in the mirror, see your humanity which makes you and me so very similar.
I too felt like a freak. I felt that way most of my life. What a surprise it was when I discovered that I was not and am not a freak! A great surprise, I had no idea. I want you too to discover that you are not at all a freak.