Menu

Everything.

HomeForumsShare Your TruthEverything.

New Reply
  • This topic has 255 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by anita.
Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 256 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #343002
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    Wikipedia’s entry on Psychological Trauma states: “Psychological trauma is damage to the mind that occurs as a result of a distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one’s ability to cope, or to integrate the emotions involved with that experience… The person may not remember what actually happened, while emotions experienced during the trauma may be re-experienced without the person understanding why… This can produce a pattern of prolonged periods of acute arousal punctuated by periods of physical and mental exhaustion… Emotional detachment, as well as disassociation or ‘numbing out’ can frequently occur.. Exposure to and re-experiencing trauma can cause neurophysiological changes like slowed myelination, abnormalities in synaptic pruning, shrinking of the hippocampus, cognitive and affective impairments”.

    You may want to read the part under Treatment, there is a list of “psychotherapy approaches .. designed with the treatment of trauma I mind- EMDR, progressive counting  (PC), somatic experiencing, biofeedback, Internal Family Systems Therapy and sensorimotor psychotherapy”- I don’t know what these are, but Wiki has an entry on each one.

    I hope you let me know how your search for trauma therapy goes. I hope “Everything” gets better soon!

    anita

    #343290
    Cat
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I started looking in to EMDR therapy last summer, although I didn’t feel strong enough to go through with it.

    I have sourced an EMDR therapist and I have an initial meeting with her next Saturday. Emotional times.

    Did I tell you that the care home want me back to work there full time?

    Cat

    #343306
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    I know of a young medical doctor living in New York City who thought highly enough of EMDR that she thought an EMDR therapist for her distress. I hope it works for you, let me know.

    No, I didn’t know the care home wants you full time. What kind of hours did you work so far there and how many more hours are in a full time position, and how do you feel about it?

    anita

    #343478
    Cat
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I hope you read this message before I get in to work tomorrow.
    At the moment I work at the arts place Mon, Tues, weds, Fri 9-5 and care home on Thursdays.
    Last week the care home said they wanted me back because I’m good with the residents and because all the staff know me and want to support me.
    I am inclined to go back to the care home for many reasons. Since starting my new job, I’ve found it hard to find time to play guitar and write songs for my band. And also time to read. If I go back to the care home, it means each day I will have either the morning or afternoon free to be at home doing just that.

    If I go back to the care home, then I will need to work every other weekend. I will be starting therapy on Saturdays at 2pm. So it may well be a I need to work a long day every other Sunday. This isn’t ideal, but at the moment it seems like the most viable option.

    Some people may see this as a step back, but I need to put myself first. Right now in life, I honestly just want to be at peace with myself and to create. In the care home I will be allowed to have breaks when feeling stressed. At the moment running sessions is a lot more stress and pressure and also alot more paperwork.</p>
    Ideally I’d love to be off of work, as my mind feels like it’s going to Crack under responsibility and control. I hate feeling trapped.

    Cat

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by Cat.
    #343482
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    I think it’s admirable, what a hard worker you are, but I  understand over working is not a good thing, and I understand your need for a long break from work altogether. (I remember you having a debt, I am not sure. that’s one thing to consider before taking a long break, to be debt free first, or to have a very small, manageable debt).

    Quitting the art place and working full time in the care home reads like the reasonable choice because you will have less paper work, less stress,  you have the staff’s support and the residents like you (and you like them back),  and every day you’ll have either the morning or afternoon to do what you want to do, which is to write songs, play the guitar, read and overall, “to be at peace with myself and create”.

    Down side is that you have therapy scheduled Saturdays at 2pm which means you’ll have to work in the care home Sundays, if I understand correctly.

    Overall reads like the care home is a better choice. Please keep me updated from time to time. I want to know how the therapy works, how work.. works, if you get the chance, when you do (I know you are busy).

    anita

    #344664
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    I am thinking about you, how you are doing, if you are working, if you are keeping yourself as safe as possible during this pandemic.

    anita

    #345302
    Cat
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I returned to work last week, but I felt too overwhelmed to make a decision about what to do with work. Especially with everything going on right now.

    I’m not too great. I found out on Monday that one of my old friends committed suicide :'( She was only 20. I met her when she was 17. She had such a big heart and was so smart. She took her life on the 17th, after 2 previous attempts. She hung herself in the woods :'(

    She was a trans woman. I met her as a boy, and watched her become Lucy. She fronted her own band, and her favourite band was Against Me.
    Yesterday I was empty and depressed and stayed inside. Last night I started crying.

    This morning I emailed all my memories to her Mum and family. And listened to Against Me and cried.
    This month has been the worst.

    Cat

    #345334
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    I am sorry for the pain that Lucy felt, the pain that led her to end that pain in the way that she chose to end it. And I am sorry for the pain and sadness that you feel, having her gone.

    A whole lot of things are added to “Everything”, the title of your thread. Keep yourself and others as safe as possible, and don’t lose hope for a better life.

    anita

     

    #345600
    Cat
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    How does anyone process a death like this? :'( She was SUCH a bright soul. So young, and sweet and pure. Not a bad bone in her body. SO passionate about music.

    Her Dad emailed me photo’s of the tree in London. Her friends there decorated it with guitar picks and other things she liked 🙁 That just made it feel too real. It’s awful. I think of her young sweet, smiling face, and I can’t believe I’ll never see or talk to her again :'( How does anyone get over that? It feels like she’s gone and there’s nothing we can do to save her.

    She was 1 in a million and I feel like we’ve missed out and lost so much. I still can’t believe it.

    Cat

    #345608
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    She was one in a million. And so are you, Cat- one in a million. She was “So young, and sweet and pure”- you may be not as young as she was, at this point in time,  but you were as young, and sweet and pure before, no less than her. I state this truth because I want you to see the bigger picture: the world is full of young, sweet and pure children who get hurt badly. I was one of those children, and so have you. She was too, and now she is gone.

    It is so very sad, yes, it is. So much innocence destroyed. People destroy people in our times more than viruses do, or at least, people are competitive when it comes to destruction.

    Her friends in London decorated a tree in her memory, honoring her. May you honor yourself today and every day while alive, same for everyone reading this.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #359855
    Cat
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It’s been a while since we last spoke – how are you?

    I’ve recently found myself reflecting on my own guilt, and my own background of where I came from. I think this is a massive reason why I hide away from the world. I don’t feel normal or human, and I feel like if everyone knew everything about me then they would see me as a walking freakshow.

    I say this because my family heritage isn’t interesting, and I come from generations of close/ breeding and sometimes distanced incest 🙁 This is horrible. I wish I had a heritage that I was interested and proud of, but I don’t. I don’t feel like a normal or deserving person.

    Cat

    #359857
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    It’s been just over 3 months since we last talked. You asked how I’m doing: well, quite upset that after more than 3 months lockdown (in the state where I live), elsewhere in the U.S., the infection rates are higher in the last three days than ever during the whole pandemic, but I am okay, as okay as can be under the circumstances.

    You “don’t feel like a normal or deserving person” but you are a normal and deserving person, from all that I know about you, 17 pages so far. What we feel about ourselves is often not true. In CBT language it is called “emotional reasoning”- we feel something is true so we believe it is true.

    I don’t remember you mentioning earlier “generations of close/ breeding and sometimes distanced incest” ?(Not that it would change my mind regarding what I just wrote above).

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by anita.
    #359865
    Stian
    Participant

    I believe your depression is trying to tell you something, if you have the opportunity open up your arms to you depression, feel it, try to communicate with it and see what comes up. I am so sorry to hear about your story, you come from a tough background, know that YOU are strong! you have endured this pain, and your soul has immensely strength and you can use this and grow even stronger from all of this! and it is also not easy to cope with life and what happens around you when your foundation as a child was as brutal as this. My experience is that trauma colours your daily interaction with people from the time the incident happened, and does something with your perception of other humans, and yourself as well. There is nothing wrong with you!

    Spirituality has been in many ways a saviour for me, and it opens up your energy so you attract likeminded people and situations so you can learn stuff, and sometimes life feels amazing when this happens, my take is that don´t get lost in this chapter of your life, it is temporary and a relief from the pain you have been carrying. The trauma you have experienced is still there in your roots and your upbringing. And seeing numbers like 11:11 can be a meaning for something but it is easy to get lost in it and thinking life will always go it´s way when you are in that experience, it is a temporary breathing space for us to fill up for our next encounters with darkness. Take what you learned with this guy and move on a always love yourself, cause this soulmate think is in my opinion just a temporary bliss.. A real relationship takes years to build and something one commits to together to get a stable foundation.

    Remember your life is a long slow journey, you have opened up your energy centres and have had intense spiritual lessons and experiences, take them as grist for your soul mill. I would advise you to lay of the drugs for a while, get into a healthy daily habit of exercise, sun exposure, healthy food, meditation and get to know all of the aspects of yourself. Love every bit of yourself that comes up (even though this is freaking hard sometimes) And be patient with yourself.

    And if you sometimes think that you need to know more about yourself, you can observe yourself when you are around your primary caregivers mom, dad, siblings and see how you behave.. that is your inner child which was abused, bullied and did not get the love which it needed, take those aspects of yourself and start loving every part of it.

    Much love to you, and wish you good luck.

     

     

    #359866
    Stian
    Participant

    I believe your depression is trying to tell you something, if you have the opportunity open up your arms to you depression, feel it, try to communicate with it and see what comes up. I am so sorry to hear about your story, you come from a tough background, know that YOU are strong! you have endured this pain, and your soul has immensely strength and you can use this and grow even stronger from all of this! and it is also not easy to cope with life and what happens around you when your foundation as a child was as brutal as this. My experience is that trauma colours your daily interaction with people from the time the incident happened, and does something with your perception of other humans, and yourself as well. There is nothing wrong with you!

    Spirituality has been in many ways a saviour for me, and it opens up your energy so you attract likeminded people and situations so you can learn stuff, and sometimes life feels amazing when this happens, my take is that don´t get lost in this chapter of your life, it is temporary and a relief from the pain you have been carrying. The trauma you have experienced is still there in your roots and your upbringing. And seeing numbers like 11:11 can be a meaning for something but it is easy to get lost in it and thinking life will always go it´s way when you are in that experience, it is a temporary breathing space for us to fill up for our next encounters with darkness. Take what you learned with this guy and move on a always love yourself, cause this soulmate think is in my opinion just a temporary bliss.. A real relationship takes years to build and something one commits to together to get a stable foundation.

    Remember your life is a long slow journey, you have opened up your energy centres and have had intense spiritual lessons and experiences, take them as grist for your soul mill. I would advise you to lay of the drugs for a while, get into a healthy daily habit of exercise, sun exposure, healthy food, meditation and get to know all of the aspects of yourself. Love every bit of yourself that comes up (even though this is freaking hard sometimes) And be patient with yourself.

    And if you sometimes think that you need to know more about yourself, you can observe yourself when you are around your primary caregivers mom, dad, siblings and see how you behave.. that is your inner child which was abused, bullied and did not get the love which it needed, take those aspects of yourself and start loving every part of it.

    Much love to you, and wish you good luck.

    #359918
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cat:

    I am concerned about you. Please reply soon.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 256 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.