Yes i can relate, i think im not good at confrontation and that’s why I try to be that zen person that knows how to act and how to discuss at any time, but I also feel tired because I really want to be that person that I disguise as, I want to be strong and fun, I want to be serene and wise, but inside I’m just afraid and childish, and people just see that childish side because some of them tell me all the time at work, but with my friends I’m like the more mature and knowledgeable, it’s like I change the way people see me depending  on who I am with. I’ve always thought that if I keep faking it it will happen but now that the break up is forcing me to think about myself, I’m discovering all the cracks In the fake view I have of myself. How to become your true self? when will I merge the quiet me with the crazy me and the mature me? I feel that when I’m finally comfortable with myself ill be able to finally step out and start dating people and not just wait for mr right to fall on my lap, clearly that didn’t  work out even when I waited for someone to notice me, he clearly also didn’t know what he wanted, we were doomed to fail, the long distance relationship just made it faster.

True, but it is just so hard because i dont feel comfortable letting people see my insecurities, what people think I’m insecure about is what I let them see. I guess I’ve curated my life to let everyone see just the parts of  me that I want them too and when that doesn’t happen I retreat, I don’t go forward and just let the insecurity be seen and move on, I start overthinking it. And with my ex, he was the first person I ever let all my insecurities out and maybe that’s why I’m feeling restless, I let him see it all and he left, he didn’t  want to try and salvage the relationship, even when the conditions got better and he moved a city closer to mine, he still didn’t want to try. I know it’s not me, I can’t blame me for being me and he not being okay with it, but still it’s not letting me move forward, I opened up to him and let it all out and now that he left everything stayed outside for me to see and I’m just struggling to fix it all and go back to my fragile past state, I don’t know how to find this new me that will be over him and confident about being alone.

thank you for telling me that, thats what i mean with overthinking, of course i cant control what people think about me, you are so right. Im just gonna have to relax on the analyzing myself and just do what I want when I want it and see what happenes next. I am all of these insecurities and I have to own them so I don’t crumble when people stumble upon them.

hi anita, I keep coming  back to you for solace. This weekend I went on a trip with some friends, I thought it was gonna be the trip where I would let go and not think about him, but turned out I thought about him more than the past days, I was almost crushed by thoughts of him, most of them hurtful of course, him being with someone  else, me not finding  love and so on. I even teared up sometimes because of those thoughts and because I couldn’t stop them. When I let the thoughts go around  my head freely ir was worst, so in the end I didnt  know how to act around them and my trip became some  kind of nostalgic trip even though I never went there with him. It scares me that when I’m not working my thoughts just go back to him because I don’t want to think more about it, I’m tired of this, I’m not patient enough and maybe that’s what doesn’t  let me move on. I just want someone to tell me that I’m not obsessed, that it’s normal to be feeling  this way, it’s almost been 4 months since the break up and he is already over me but I’m still thinking about him, that also makes me so anxious, why am still having so many downs when I’m alone or not working? I really want to let him go, I know we won’t be together again, I have to get used to it because he is no good to me, I really want to forget these feelings I have and time just never moves fast enough.