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Viewing 6 posts - 136 through 141 (of 141 total)
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  • #367174
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daniel:

    I am glad to read that you made up your mind and that overall, you feel confident about the future. It certainly feels better to having reached a decision than to struggle with indecision.

    I agree that “if someone lives in an unpleasant and unhealthy environment, it’s understandable that it won’t help in getting better”, and that learning to cook will will help you when you live on your own again, in two years. Make your life in these two years as easy as possible, so  that you can focus on completing your education and certification as a medical doctor!

    anita

    #368111
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    It’s been a while. I hope you are fine !

    I’m overall in a good mood and I don’t regret going back to my parents. I struggle with anxiety maybe more than last year because of my studies but somehow I manage to study almost everyday so I’m rather proud of me.

    I realized that I have an issue about people. I am not satisfied with the people around me and that makes me obssessed about the idea of meeting new people until I meet someone I’d feel confortable with (a friend or a lover, it does not matter). But the truth is that I will probably never meet someone like that, it’s an illusion I think, an unreachable goal that makes me suffer every day and angry when I see people who seem happier than me. That’s why I try to focus on the relationships I already have and maybe make them grow. But it may be a waste of time.

    Daniel

    #368118
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daniel:

    I am looking forward to read and reply to your recent post when I am back to your thread, in about 16 hours from now.

    anita

    #368135
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daniel:

    Good to read that overall you are in a good mood, that you don’t regret moving back to your parents’ home, that you managed to study almost every day, and the best part to read is that you are rather proud of yourself!

    Regarding you having “an issue about people.. not satisfied with the people around me”, not feeling comfortable with people, and having little hope that you will ever meet a friend or a lover with whom you will feel comfortable, and therefore you “suffer every day and angry when I see people who seem happier than me”-

    – this is the same emotional experience you had as a child, feeling uncomfortable much of the time with your father, and with your mother. When we get emotionally injured in childhood, we continue to experience that injury as adults, unless we take on the very slow healing process. Significant emotional injuries do not heal by themselves, they don’t disappear by themselves, because of the passage of time, or because of career accomplishments and material success.

    Here is some of what you shared about the nature of your emotional injury in childhood: “He (your biological father) was violent… he could get angry at any moment for no apparent reason.. My mom is rather calm but often stressful… She worries about everything (May 18-19).

    “When I began living with my mom, everything revolved around surviving.. we had nowhere to go. So for a few years, we traveled from place to place in order to eventually find a place to stay. I must have been 6 when we found that place… She (your mother) wanted to protect me from anything that could hurt me.. I was sad when she was sad (August 15-17).

    As a child you suffered from your father’s undisciplined anger. Every animal that is able to sense anger gets scared when sensing anger, because anger is a threat of violence, it precedes violence. Of course, children are especially afraid of anger, particularly adults’ anger because children are small and weak and physically depend on the care of the adults in their lives.

    Your mother did not express anger, but she expressed anxiety, and just like you were “sad when she was sad”, you were also anxious when she was anxious; she was “often stressful.. worries about everything”=> you were often stressful and worried about everything.

    Your mother was overprotective of you, you wrote a few times, but of course, she didn’t protect you from her anxiety, from her worries, so those.. became your own. You are not comfortable with people now because you were not comfortable with an unpredictably angry father or with an often anxious mother.

    There really is a way, Daniel, to experience a different kind of emotional experience than the one you had in childhood and ever since, but it takes the ongoing dedication to the process of healing. I understand that you are busy with your schooling, and it indeed should be your first priority, as well as taking care of yourself best you can. But keep in mind that the healing work will need to be done sometime in the future, hopefully in the next few years.

    anita

    #368413
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for your answer. I’ve been thinking about it for a moment.

    I really think that you’ve managed to understand me in a way that I couldn’t do myself. Your words make so much sense !

    I’ve just written my “letter” to my father. Writing it made me cry. I don’t think I’m going to send it to him but I want to keep it safe. I may write again in the next few days and I’m starting to consider writing everyday about anything. For the sake of writing. Because I feel better afterwards.

    It’s been a while since I’ve been studying this hard but I’m happy to be able to use my time this way along with listening and playing a bit of music.

    I’m still obsessed at the idea of having a girlfriend because it’s like a quest that I need to fulfill in order to feel worthy of love and “like a man”. I’m conscious how foolish and harmful it is to think that way but it’s hard getting rid of them.

    Thank you again for being here,

    Daniel

    #368415
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daniel:

    You are welcome. I think that writing a letter to your father is a good exercise, and that “writing everyday about anything” is a good practice, it is a form of expression (ex-pression) that make it possible for some of the intensity of deep, troubling emotions to exit (ex-it) the inside, where they are trapped.

    Good to read that you are studying hard. I understand your obsession with “the idea of having a girlfriend”- one day it will happen. I understand the deep frustration on the matter (something to write about..?), but one day, it will happen for you.

    anita

Viewing 6 posts - 136 through 141 (of 141 total)

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