Dear Blazkowich:

From what you already shared, you feel “really pissed“, really angry with her, because you feel betrayed and thrown away by her breaking up with you: “I felt really betrayed and I never expected her to do this to me…  there’s a part of me which hates her for throwing me away“.

I know that you feel thrown away, but in reality, you were not thrown away: you are living in the same physical circumstances in which you lived before you knew her, same circumstances in which you lived during the short-term relationship. Maybe you have been unhappy with your living circumstances for a long time and the relationship with her was a way for you to distract yourself from this unhappiness. And now that the relationship has ended, you lost that distraction. Any truth to this?

Also, I know that you feel betrayed, but I don’t see the betrayal. You only met her in-person 3 times. Never got engaged or married, didn’t have children together… You lived separately and she is only 19, a student.

It reads like she was honest with you when she told you that the way or ways you cared for her were hurting her: “Her exact words before leaving me was that the fact that I am there caring for her is hurting her“.

On your part, supporting her made you happy (“supporting her made me happy“), on her part, it made her unhappy. This means that what you considered supportive of her, she considered hurtful, which is not supportive.

In your original post 17 days ago, you wrote in regard to your ex girlfriend: “She was also offended over the fact that I advised her to visit a therapist“- is it possible for you to visit a therapist?

I am asking because I would like you to look deeper into what is happening in your mind and heart, heal and get stronger and wiser from this relationship experience. And to do that, you need support and guidance.

anita

Dear Blazkowich:

“I am currently seeing a therapist but not offline“- and the online therapist has not been helpful so far?

“the way she disrespected me“- in what words said and actions done, did she disrespect you?

anita

Dear Blazkowich:

“She disrespected me by breaking up over a phone call“- but the great majority of your long- distance relationship took place over the phone (you saw her in-person only 3 times), therefore, it was appropriate for her to break up with you over the phone.

“She disrespected me by.. not respecting all my efforts“- I think that she appreciated your efforts, it’s just that she didn’t want your efforts because your efforts were hurting her (she told you so).

From personal experience, I too didn’t want the efforts of help of a certain person because (this is my personal experience, not saying it’s hers) this person heavily guilt-tripped me, using their efforts to make me feel indebted. Therefore, their efforts hurt me and I definitely didn’t want any such effort to “help” aka hurt me.

“I have had a long history of anxiety related issues but I fixed them, but now they have returned after the breakup I don’t know how“- a long history of anxiety related issues does not get fixed and done with. Anxiety never disappears for good, not as long as we’re alive. There are better and worse days, and currently you are at a worse time.

“I hate it that I am still attached to her and I have feelings for her, it’s just hurting me in the end“- I understand. This relationship and breakup has hurt you in the end, but you can look forward to a better time, and continue the slow, patient process of promoting and improving your mental health, starting with not hating your feelings, but accepting your feelings as they are, without judgment.

anita