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growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma

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  • February 28, 2026 at 4:47 am #455562
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    A quick update – in the meantime my girlfriend decided to come see me for a few days.. to figure things out she said. Well.. let’s see about that. Also yesterday I’ve been offered a job in Warsaw. I’ve had a couple interviews during the last 2 weeks and now they presented me with a contract. They want me to decide pretty quick.. until Monday end of the day. Well.. I’m considering asking them for more time to be honest.

    I find myself in a very confusing situation. I could take that job, move to Warsaw in March and ( if my girlfriend rents a flat ) live with her. She said she would rent that flat only if I have a work contract – which I didn’t like to be honest. It all feels like a transaction to me. Now… There are many questions. Actually no.. there are only a couple of questions:

    1) Do I want co continue this relationship? – this feels like 50/50.. Part of me wants to try and hopes things will change.. the other part is just tired of this circus – tired of her mother’s presence, of living in a country that I don’t like much.. being disconnected from the friends I have now here. There I have no friends at all.. I would have to really make an effort and find likeminded people, community.
    2) Do I want to work in a corporate structure? – this is something I don’t resonate with at all and it feels like I’m betraying myself.

    Going to Warsaw and working for Satan would help me get financially independent. Also I’ll be living with her.
    But I don’t know if I still want to…
    I don’t even know how to decide.

    It’s funny – she arrives on Monday. The same day I’m supposed to make up my mind about the job.

    Have a nice evening Anita!
    Robi

    February 28, 2026 at 10:56 am #455570
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    I appreciate it that you took the time to give me a quick update!

    Well, she’s arriving Monday. Here is my suggestion: have a conversation with AI (I use Copilot, as you know), and tell it the situation, just as you told me over time. Tell it the current circumstances and how you feel.

    It will probably give you worthwhile suggestions in regard to talking with her this Monday and how to plan the visit so that it could be fruitful, resulting in clarity and ability to make clear decisions, one way or the other.

    When it gives you suggestions that don’t sit well with you, tell it about it, present your thoughts, doubts, etc. Have a conversation.

    I’d say, prepare for the visit best you can, with AI”s help.

    🤍 Anita

    February 28, 2026 at 12:00 pm #455572
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Robi
    Putting aside the girlfriend & other issues. Have you ever felt a strong attraction to a place, somewhere that feels like home to your heart, where you feel safe but not suffocated, inspired instead of bored, this also goes with how you feel about work & the people in your life? To look at the big picture rather than the individual pixels.
    I wish that you find your joy
    Roberta

    March 1, 2026 at 4:07 am #455585
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Roberta,

    Good question. Yes, I’ve felt a strong attraction to a place. I’ve felt like that about Spain – and I’ve lived there for 5 years. I moved away form Spain after I met my girlfriend there. I often miss living there.. Sometimes I feel I’d like to be here in Romania.. living closer to nature. I’m not so sure about living in Poland though… The only good thing there would be my relationship but then again… I’m not sure that’s so good either…

    These days I’ll have to decide on something. Do I go back there and try again… or.. not. We’ll be spending 4 days together starting from tomorrow… and I hope I’ll manage to decide.

    Thank you,
    Have a nice day! 🙂
    Robi

    March 6, 2026 at 10:58 am #455726
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    Today is the day after the scheduled 4 days spent with her. I am very curious as to what transpired and hope it was clarity, at the least..?

    🤔🙏✨️ Anita

    March 8, 2026 at 11:34 am #455768
    Robi1992
    Participant

    Dear Anita,
    Happy Woman’s Day!!! I hope you’re having a nice one:)

    Yes I’ve come back 2 days ago – took me a while to get back to my normal mode. My body kinda gave up on Thursday. Sometimes it happens to me, when I’m processing too many things or after a big breakthrough my body needs a little time to integrate. Usually my nose gets jammed and I get headaches for a day or 2. Its interesting.. because I’m not getting a cold or a flu.. these are just symptoms that come after stressful periods – as if my body needs me to lay down a little so it can let go of something or let it integrate. Anyway, this time we’ve talked quite a lot about things and of course, my body reacted accordingly. Today I already resumed the workout routine 🙂 I really don’t feel good being back here.. I feel so trapped. After a while I get used to it.. and start feeling better. But still..

    It was good and intense. There was also a full moon and eclipse which usually feel quite draining to me but both of us managed to talk honestly without blaming each other. I went there thinking I didn’t really want to continue.. I thought its hopeless and I thought I’m wasting my time being with her. Sometimes I feel like that after being away for a while.. as u know already. After spending a little time together I again felt like this is good. I felt like we are good together. And we are. However, there are some things that need to transform. We talked about her relationship with her mother quite a lot.. I told her how I think this is making it impossible for us to be together as 2 adults. She said she’s been working on that and she understands that she needs to work on her attachment to her mother. She also said she understands that I felt unseen and like a visitor instead of a partner. I’d really like us to make this work..

    Now.. there was a job waiting for me. I got the job – so I’ve been told. But on Monday, after thinking about their offer I thought I’d ask them for a little more money. I sent the HR an e-mail and she replied she’d have to ask management. They didn’t get back to me since. Not sure I like that. If the job is still ON I’ll go and try.

    I lack a lot of flow and energy today so I won’t be writing more but I’ll be here more often.
    How are you doing? How is it going? We had 17 degrees here :). Its spring!

    Take care,
    Robi

    March 8, 2026 at 12:28 pm #455789
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Robi:

    Thank you for the update, especially for typing it out while low on energy.

    It feels like spring here too, although raining. The 🌞 is out right now and it feels nice!

    Reading your update I feel way more positive about the future of your relationship than I felt before ( generally, I tend to be pessimistic, need to work on that).

    Feels like it was an honest exchange. So, is she herself troubled in regard to her close/ too close relationship with her mother (beyond how it affects you)?

    Interesting how your body reacts to emotional stress and how you feel trapped upon return to Romania- your parents and then.. adapt.

    Had no idea it’s Women’s Day. Well, 😊 women day to me and to all women in the world! (I’ll 🍷 for it later).

    🤍 Anita

    March 16, 2026 at 8:46 pm #456053
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Robi:

    It’s exactly 10 days since you returned from the mini- vacation with her.

    I wonder if there’s any news regarding the job in Poland, for which you asked for more money?

    It’s seems to me that if you move back to Poland, it needs to be to a partnership with her, not to being a secondary figure in her life, second to her mother.

    🌙✨️✨️ Anita

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