July 12, 2016 at 9:36 am #109476keineParticipant
Hello Mr. Ritz
I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with you, except that you seem to be suffering from a severe case of burnout. You strike me as someone who is willing to work hard and do the best job he can for whatever employer, and takes pride in a job well done.
Nope, nothing wrong with you—the people you had to deal with at work SUCKED!!
I would second Anita’s observation that you mainly have problems with coworkers and not with the jobs themselves. I’ve had that problem most of my working life. I can’t count the number of times that well-meaning but clueless people have told me, “Just learn to have fun with the people you work with.” No, no, no!! If you are like me, you are an introvert who needs a more quiet environment than most people, and you feel drained after having to deal with other humans all day (even if it’s a small group of them.)
Self-employment could be what you’re looking for–I don’t know anything much about CAD-type jobs, but it sounds like you enjoyed doing that. I wonder if you could hire yourself out as an independent contractor?
Another suggestion would be to try temp services, and tell them you are interested in making a career change. See what else is out there–usually these places have career advisors who can help with that decision.
You will make the right company a great employee–even if it’s yourself!July 13, 2016 at 4:21 am #109541
Thanks again everyone for the input.
A bit of better news. I believe I figured out the cause of my work anxiety. Seems it was the memory of a very upsetting incident while working for my father around 20 years ago.
We got into a huge argument and at one point he said either get back to work or get out. I had a family to support, it was a hard decision, but I could take no more and left. I did not speak to my father for a year!
I was reading somewhere that you should recall painful incidents in the past, think about them then, address your feelings and move on. Amazingly that seemed to work.
That being said, I still have most of my original problem of not liking work, and yes it’s a lot to do with my co workers and my feeling that I don’t have control of my situation. Elizabeth, you’re right, I am burned out and tired.
I would love to have my own business, but there are many issues I have with that. Maybe if I could be mentored through the process it would help?
I’m scared to borrow any money. To me, that feels like committing myself to many more years of work (because I lack confidence my business would succeed?) I don’t know how to “run” a business when it comes to things like taxes, becoming an LLC, insurance, etc… And I don’t know what type of business to start.July 13, 2016 at 5:33 am #109544keineParticipant
I’m sure you could find someone to mentor you through the process of getting your own business started. Like any major endeavor, it’s damn scary, and you will need someone not only to guide you through the process, but to provide moral support. (I don’t know much about the process, but I think there are ways to start up a business that don’t involve borrowing money…like finding investors to put up the capital you need. Yeah, that takes confidence to self-promote–but again, you can probably find people to assist you there.)
I think once you get the technicalities straightened out (like what exactly you want to be doing) things will fall into place for you. All the best!July 13, 2016 at 7:45 am #109547
Dear Mr Ritz:
I re-read all your posts on this thread and some of mine corresponding with you and these are my thoughts:
Borrowing money- bad idea because you’ve been working on eliminating the debts you already have. Having no debt is important to you. Therefore not getting into new debt is the right thing for you. No one (almost) likes debt, but some people dislike it more than others and debt is very distressing to me as well as it is to you. So logically, no more debts.
Starting a business- other than the debt involved, lots of anxiety in it. Like I wrote to you before, the aim should be for you to experience well being, for you to be as comfortable as possible. A small business would entail learning a lot, taking risks, interacting with people.. doesn’t seem to me like a good idea at all.
Let’s say you are able, financially to stay home while your wife is still working. You expressed discomfort about staying home while she works. Well, there is no solution that will feel perfect. Compare the distress of X with the distress of Y and figure which is better. If you talk with your wife about staying home, maybe she will support you in such choice (after all your hard work to support your family, I think you deserve this…luxury!) – and maybe you can figure out how to communicate with people about it (none of their business since they don’t pay your bills!)
Regarding your current job- to keep going or quit? Again, it is the choice between two discomforts: the friction with co workers/ supervisors OR the distress about quitting a good paying job.
Please do post again.
anitaJuly 16, 2016 at 4:31 am #109788
Maybe once I’m old enough to draw from SSI and my retirement funds I’ll have the confidence to be self employed (I’ll still need to do something with my time. I’m not good at sitting still).
The fear of being broke is huge. I didn’t work during most of 2010 after the financial crash & burn and it was extremely stressful even though I was able to draw unemployment. This is why getting debit free is really important to me now.
As much as I should be patient and ride this out, I feel like these are also wasted years as I’m not enjoying life like I feel like should.
Guess I need to make sure and keep buying those lottery tickets:-)July 16, 2016 at 8:56 am #109791
Dear Mr. Ritz:
I disagree with your (humorous) solution: buying lottery tickets. Correct me if I am wrong, but so far what damaged and distressed you throughout your life has not been lack of money but your distress over the idea of lack of money.
So you think the problem is lack of money, but have you ever been hungry or homeless for lack of money- or- has it been only a worry all these years?
anitaJuly 16, 2016 at 5:59 pm #109808
Anita, It’s been both really.
We were never homeless or hungry, but it was way too close for comfort.
It was the early 90’s. My wife was still trying to finish school, we had twin toddlers and I was hardly making any money when I was working. There were frequent layoffs and we literally were raiding the kids piggy bank for gas money. A $50 car repair may as well be $5000, I just didn’t have it.
Since these were pre-internet days, finding a job consisted of you looking for ads in the paper then actually driving to a place to apply (we live in a mostly rural area, no public transportation). Needless to say it was very difficult.
There were also a few times when I was totally blindsided by a job loss.
Seriously, no clue, no warnings, you came to work one day and were told you no longer had a job. During the last crash I ended up selling a lot of things, including my car (that only had 1 more year of payments left) just to stay afloat. I damm near broke out in tears right in front of everyone as I handed the dealer my keys.
This is another factor in my desire for self employment, a lack of trust in employers. Things are better now, but I will never forget those times and feel like it could happen again at any time.July 16, 2016 at 6:01 pm #109809
BTW, thanks everyone for the input. I’ve gotten further here than I have by talking to numerous councilors over the years,July 16, 2016 at 8:17 pm #109811
Dear Mr. Ritz:
You are very welcome. Then it is two problems: finances AND worrying about finances. Except that your kids are grown and independent as I remember (may be wrong?). It is just you and your wife. You mentioned living on less, a low cost life, so it is not the same as the nineties for you, when you were a parent to minor kids, isn’t it?
I think lowering your anxiety/ distress level is most important. Figure out the numbers and calculate, make a plan that includes you being occupied (you said you dislike not being occupied), but in something that does not inquire getting into debt and is not high stress.
anitaJuly 17, 2016 at 7:19 am #109832
One of the kids is out of the house and self sufficient (serving in the USAF) the other one just graduated college but still lives at home. The car he drives just broke down last week and the repair will be expensive. We will be covering the cost for that since he just started working and does not have any money yet.
Can’t start coasting yet. Things like this pop up.July 17, 2016 at 7:43 am #109833
Dear Mr. Ritz:
One kid is in the USAF- definitely self sufficient and the other graduated college (good) and already started working (even better). Your legal financial responsibilities for both kids are over. In a bit, the second will be on his feet. It is just you and your wife.
I think you suffered enough in your life, lived under a lot of pressure- placed on you by your disapproving father, and then by your own self. Got to let go of this self inflicted pressure. You have serious arthritis- could be from this pressure. Take care of your health first, reduce the pressure and significantly. It is not necessary, is not warranted anymore by real life circumstances as I see them. Do you agree? And if you do, such reduction of pressure/ drive will need to be done slowly, gradually- it is not easy to change such a thing.
anitaJuly 17, 2016 at 10:18 am #109849
I agree on some points. We will always be here for the kids when they need us, and they will I’m sure even after they’ve been on their own.
I still have the stress of thinking/knowing I don’t have enough for a comfortable retirement and want to hoard as much money as possible till I feel comfortable.
Will the comfortable point ever come? Probably not.
I have some friends who are few years older than me. Both are very highly paid professionals with over a million in retirement accounts and generous pensions to boot (both of them). They don’t live extravagantly but they feel like THEY cannot afford to retire! I would have retired years ago if I had that kind of money.
I guess it’s a matter of perspective.July 17, 2016 at 8:32 pm #109902
Dear Mr. Ritz:
Yes, I guess too that it is a matter of perspective. So work on both issues: money and perspective. Here on tiny Buddha we can only work on the Perspective Factor…
anitaOctober 28, 2016 at 5:13 pm #119109Vesta HeraParticipant
Hi, I am late to the conversation but I am in a similar situation. I am almost 40 years old. After working as a teacher for 10 years, I burned out. I went back to grad school, got my PhD and now I work in corporate America. I’ve been working here for 2 years and I absolutely hate it. I’ve hated every job I’ve had. I hated teaching, then in grad school I hated research and now I hate my corporate America job. I am thinking about giving teaching another go.
Counseling doesn’t work. I’m in counseling right now. I feel so depressed. A few months ago I was feeling that I would be better off dead. I should consider myself lucky that I have a job while people out there are struggling looking for one. Why can’t I be more grateful? Why can’t I just be happy?October 28, 2016 at 5:24 pm #119111
* Dear pallasathena:
Would you like to share what you hated about teaching? About your current job? Other jobs?
Was there any part of any job that you liked at one time or another?
And, last question: what do you enjoy doing?