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He does not want a commitment and not sure of a future

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Viewing 8 posts - 31 through 38 (of 38 total)
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  • #194757
    Mark
    Participant

    RoxySue

    He may be “honest” but it sounds like he really does not know what he wants or that he is honest with himself.

    His behavior is push-pull where he draws you in, keeps you hanging on and then pushes away and repeats this cycle.

    You are playing his game.   You are his comfort sex partner with the emotional support whenever he feels down.

    Mark

    #194759
    Mark
    Participant

    RoxySue

    He may be “honest” but it sounds like he really does not know what he wants or that he is honest with himself.

    His behavior is push-pull where he draws you in, keeps you hanging on and then pushes away and repeats this cycle.

    You are playing his game.   You are his comfort sex partner with the emotional support whenever he feels down.

    Mark

    #194865
    RoxySue
    Participant

    Yes, you are both spot on Mark and Anita. It has definitely been push-pull the entire time. And, I went along with it. I became attached.  The relationship propelled me to leave a marriage in which I was not happy. I had a tough time letting go of him for the two years and each time I was “waiting” for him to “hopefully” change his mind. That is what push-pull does unless  you are strong enough to stop it, which I was not.  So,  at some point, I had to have faith in the people who do love me, who have been telling me for two years this is not healthy and bad for my self-esteem, and I should leave him. So, this time, I told him not to contact me. And I know he will not. He is a passive guy. If he wants it over, then it needs to be over. And, he can’t contact me so I get my hopes up. So, I do miss him and am sad. Part of me wants to keep in touch with him, but I know if we do, the first time he reaches out to me, I will get my hopes up and then wonder when the next contact will come after that, which probably would only be around a few times per week and that will frustrate me. It is very hard to go backwards. Worse, we would end up sleeping with each other and the same cycle will happen again.

    All of that aside, what he said to me when he was leaving last weekend was to me cruel and he finally (believe it or not) crossed a boundary.

    #194867
    RoxySue
    Participant

    ….and Mark, you are right. I do not think he is honest with himself at all. I see a therapist and she said the same exact thing. That is so frustrating to me…how someone can lie to themselves and let something go like that. He told me he does not believe in following his heart at all. He has to follow with his head.

    #194873
    Mark
    Participant

    Take care RoxySue.

     

    Mark

    #194891
    RoxySue
    Participant

    Thank you Mark!  You too. Thanks for all of your wonderful insight. You definitely helped me take a stand with him.

    #194975
    anita
    Participant

    Dear RoxySue:

    I hope you do exit this push-pull loop, this is the best and most immediate thing, I believe, that you should do, for your well-being.

    I am curious about what your therapist told you, something you agree with, that “he is not honest with himself at all”- curious about what that means to you, that is, if he was honest with himself, what would he communicate to you?

    anita

    #194977
    Mark
    Participant

    I’m glad that I could help.  Let us know how things go RoxySue.

     

    Mark

Viewing 8 posts - 31 through 38 (of 38 total)

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