Anjum do u have WhatsApp? If u can share with me that’s best pls

Hi Nikki,  Can i contact you by mail or number…

Regards,

ciara verma

Hello friends,

I am writing this because there are lots n lots of things going in my life. Its all messed up i am in love with a guy who belongs to muslim caste in the beginning it was like a fairy tale till date also its ok but now it’s the time where i have to decide whom do i choose whether its him or my family it never mattered to me that he is muslim & after 7 years i am facing lots of trouble because he is not at all understanding he never even tries to understand event though he loves me but love isn’t sufficient to complete whole life together sometimes in anger he use to abuse me which he is the thing he is changing but still sometimes he say some bad words which I don’t like i am completely depressed and i wanna run far away from this life where i can live peacefully where i can be i but today i am so confused that what should i do because i know that he loves me alot its just we belong to different caste i am tired of running i just want some solution

Dear Rasika:

You asked Nikki to help you. The last time Nikki posted here was on March 8, 2017, more than five years ago. There is little chance that she is still following this old thread, but it will be a nice surprise if she responds to you. If you would like, you can share more about your story, and I will be glad to reply to you and do my best to be of little help to you.

anita

Dear Kittu:

I want to summarize your story first: at about 19, a tomboyish girl, a giving person who lived for others and who- having grown up with lots of damaged relationships around her- “never believed in love, or dating or marriage”, met a boy.

He was your best friend for three years of college, giving you “respect, love, care, his everything”, and by the end of the three years- the man who was everything to you- proposed to you and you accepted.

In the following 5  years, the two of you graduated college, and settled into your respective careers: he in the government sector, and you in a leading private pharmaceutical company.

When he brought up the marriage proposal to his parents, they were “strictly against it” because, they said, your respective “castes are different (subcastes rather…both OBC Hindu)”.

In the recent two years he tried to change his parents’ minds. At the same time, his mother tried to change his mind. Finally, he told his parents that he’ll marry you and he promised you marriage this coming New Years Eve. You were so excited, dancing and so very happy!

But his mother was not happy and escalated her efforts to change her son’s mind by drinking poison. She was admitted to a hospital and he, her son, was blamed for it. Two days later she was discharged and threatened to drink the poison yet again if her son marries you. Her dramatic efforts to blackmail her own son succeeded, and he agreed to marry a woman of his mother’s choice, now engaged to her.

Your response: “I am shattered into pieces…. I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, my chest pains…  my head hurts ,my heart hurts, I’m crying every time, dealing with panic attacks every now and then feeling like choked, my eyes are swollen… There’s no job satisfaction, my family is highly dysfunctional… I feel everything is gone. I feel dying is the only answer. I don’t want to be part of such thing in this generation where family doesn’t care about their own child’s happiness. Yet again due to lack of education and stupid beliefs lives are ruined… I still wish if someone can make his family understand. I still wish everything gets sorted. I still wish everyday to see him. What should I do?” –

– When life is unfair and unjust, when people are selfish and cruel… what do you do?

Think of it this, if you will: if he succeeded and changed his mother’s mind, and she reluctantly accepted the marriage…she would still be in your life, likely living with her son (your husband) and with you, as tradition goes. What would your life be with her in your home every day, all day, year after year? A woman so selfish and cruel to blackmail her son to such an extent would not be a good mother-in-law to live with, would she?

I very much hope that you will be feeling much better soon enough. I would like to read more from you and to communicate with you further.

anita

Dear Kittu

I hope you are doing well.I am very much confused about from where to start.This does not only happen with boys.I am a girl,single child to my parents.I belong to so called upper caste and my boyfriend of 3 years belonged to low caste.My family is very much dysfunctional.Where i am constantly blamed by my father for being the reason of misery and no property given to him by my grandfather.  MY boyfriend and  I shared a beautiful relationship.Those 3 wonderful years.I would say that was the only part of my life where I had contentment. I am currently pursuing masters.I am 23 and my boyfriend (25) he is working in an MNC.Although it was not the right time for me to tell at home but it so happened i had to tell my parents about him.My parents otherwise would have been cool about it.But due to caste issue things went out of control.My boyfriend was not hopeful about our future.He was afraid both of us will not be able to move on and that i am so much attached to him I might do something to myself.And that he’ll not be able to take it.He wanted to part ways without me telling at home.But i was so Afraid of loosing him and I so firmly believe in fighting for Love.even when i am not settled in career yet there are so many issues going on with my family I told my parents.Its been 6 months.He has asked to not to fight for it.He is not ready to put me through this struggle.And also the shame or whatever it will bring to my family as per society.Also that his parents will not be comfortable because my parents will not treat his family as equal.He is financially far better than me. It’s been 6 months that we have talked only 2 3 times. I tried to talk to him and convince him to let me take a stand nd fight for it but he just asks me to focus on my career and that time will heal this.I was very much devasted or i still am maybe.I have left talking to my parents and my family.Sometimes my mother says that she will meet him and that her and my father are with me.But then next day she says this is not possible.you have brought shame to us.I am called shameless characterless and what not.That i was sent here to study and not to do such things. I have just lost that connection to anything.I was so suicidal at a point where I was continuously looking at the fan and wanted to take my life.but that too takes hell of a courage.My parents have stopped putting effort to talk to me.I am currently living far from them but in few days my masters will be completed and I have no idea if my parents are going to take me home or what they are going to do with me.my mother said other day that she is going to gather all relatives and get me beaten and that’ll fix my mind.And because she and my father who themselves had love marriage which has failed successfully she says there’s nothing like love all men are same.you’ll understand this in few months.How you’ll live in his family.he is low caste .from nikrist jaati and what not.Lines like mujhe shanka hoti hai.I don’t know whether I should fight for it or not.But either ways my relationship with my parents and family is doomed .In the name of family i only had my my mother and my maternal grandparents who have now stopped talking to me.

I feel so much void that is eating me continuously.its been more than 3 months I haven’t talked to my parents or him or anyone in the family.Just like a leaf in the ocean i feel lonely.I have exams going on .I have exam tomorrow too but here I am writing this.I was already carrying do much trauma from my parents who are constantly abusing each other and fighting and now this thing .It has left me in silence.I am afriad i will ever be able to do this again.I don’t trust my parents with my life.I don’t believe they can find me what i need in a man.And i am not even sure now that my boyfriend ex probably had that in him or not.Because he says things like things will get very dirty the more and more people will get involved in this and choose peace.

I am so lost in life.I barely can see anything ahead.i wanted to run away at a point but then here I am. cried to the point where my tears have dried now.Its so lonely.Like i don’t have anyone.My father even says that he’ll rather burn me if i die by suicide than consider this guy. So Idk.I saw that love in his eyes for me. and now ….

I would be glad if someone has something to say about this.

Thank you so much ma’am

No I have never mentioned suicide to my parents and him.I am going to live. It’s just i am finding it very hard to give up as I know at some point my parents would have agreed and he says that he’ll consider this in future if parents agree. Which confuses me. I ask him either to completely say no or atleast tell me he is with me or not.But he on the other hand runs away saying that this comfort is addicting and we can not talk till then.Just keep moving forward until these feelings end and if parents agree we’ll talk. How will parents agree if we are not even talking and not even trying?