I think it’s just “me”…Should I ask him for the last time or wait till I fix  my career and then talk to my parents and him.But keeping this hope when the other person is not giving me commitment it will not let me be at peace for a long time. We had parted ways in the very beginning in the first week of talking . I had told him about this at that very time. And then within a week he came saying that if this is in Destiny i am not afraid to fight for it.And also that we’ll see later. I knew it will be hard for me but i knew I am going to try my best to convince my parents and I know they will be happy if i am Happy in the end. There were lot many things like this which he said that are completely different now. Like my family will trust my choice he even told his mother that he will consider me when it comes to marrige.Buf then idk what conversation he had with her made him so much reluctant and he started to push me away.I want to atleast remind him of this  and ask if these were his only intentions.I have never done anything wrong throughout with him and with my parents as well. I wanted both of these people to be on the same page where we all can be at peace. I gave both of them time and waited. I am tired of this. He then says things like no one will fit into my family more than you.. you have a very poise nature everyone in my family is like that… No one will love me more than you….I am so happy that I am afraid I will not be able  to move on from this if i have to do it if your family doesn’t agree.  Then he says i have my brother’s marriage and no time to think about this right now.And also that I have stopped myself from loving you which idk how do he has on and off switch.

All I want to know is whether I should remind and ask him of what we started with or just let it be

How do I find peace with all these questions in my mind. How do people let go of people they once loved so easily?

Thank you so much❤️

I am grateful.Thank you for the clarity.Sometimes it’s hard to accept things.Will take me time but eventually I am going to get better.I hope I succeed.I am gonna try my best.

Hi there again

I am trying to be at peace with my parents.Although I calm on the outside I talk to them but things have changed.Yes there are things in our family,my parents do have issues. It’s 24/7 of fighting and blaming each other, using abusive words. But in all this chaos me and my mother we were close I have been listening to her stories all over again and again whole my life. After 5th standard i was sent to live with my maternal grandparents. I completed my studies there. Because my father was working in some far away place where he couldn’t take me and for my mother it was difficult to take care of me with work as there was no good school nearby. Still I was close to them. But now after this incident even when i talk it has left this void that doesn’t feel like it’ll be filled ever again. I don’t have anyone. No one except my parents in the name of family.And with them too it feels so superficial not to them but to me. I feel so lonely.My throat is hurting even writing this but i am finding it very hard. I know I am not going to have fights or discussion about this now but i haven’t been able to hug them or call them maa papa after the incident. Everyone says don’t spoil your relationship with your parents atleast. I try. I try and try but then I fail. I have become indifferent towards their emotions as they have become towards mine. And this indifference has left me lonely kind off. I have no sibling . I have friends but how many you can tell someone same thing again and again. I have lost interest in the things I used to like. It’s just like I am carrying myself and dragging myself with no sense of connection to anything. I even considered a doctor because I was finding even getting up from the bed very hard. She said I had symptoms of depression.And gave me prescription. I didn’t take the medicines as I don’t wanted to suppress my emotions and sadness as it was there for a reason. Friends say eventually things will sort out work on your career.I am capable of things But my mind it just keeps me in this state of confusion that I don’t know what i want to do further. Then it feels like i want to sleep atleast for a month. Earlier i used to meditate and loved  gardening but it’s not same anymore. I find it very hard to concentrate on one thing. It just feels like having a body with no sense of self and connection to God to anyone around.

Sometimes my father says things like this that are very mean and hurts me so much then in the next moment he is completely opposite.He himself have struggled with same issues with his parents.And my father doesn’t talk to my grandfather for more than 20 years now.History is repeating itself and my father doesn’t seem to correct it.He is doing the same things I guess what my grandfather used to do.or to some extent.I don’t know where to start from to atleast not ruin this more.Many times previously before this incident i tried to sort things out between me and my father.it so happened that for a week things would be okay but then one fine day we’ll end up in a heated debate then only when we stopped talking to each other there was peace in the house.I feel shattered. Don’t know what i wrong with me as well. Why can’t I be at peace even after accepting that this is how it is. Why do I feel I’ll never end up with a good person and peaceful life. And so much burdened by the pressure of taking care of my parents as I have no sibling. And that too with so much of indifference towards them.

Can’t thank you enough ma’am.

Thank you 🥺❤️🌺

My parents are coming to see in two days…..I feel it’s hard for them but they do love me……I tell myself again and again not to talk about this to them.But still giving up isn’t in me or what idk.My mother has said one two times that we are with you.My physical health has also deteriorated over this period.will seeing me like this make them change their mind.I am sorry if I am being too adamant or selfish.I just can’t see anything beyond him ..like my brain has shut down on so many things. I am forcing it too much. I feel like discussing it with him if there’s any possible way. His family has only one concern as far as I know that is my family’s acceptance. my mother sometimes says she and my father we are with you focus on your career then if you want to get married to him marry him. I relax and start focusing on career but then next day she says again she can’t do it and I hate them more for manipulating me or what. I guess nobody can help me. There’s no hope. No one of them is understanding what i am going through. HE on the other hand tells me time tells me time will heal this and then wears the watch I gave him everywhere. Even in his brothers wedding he wore that watch and does stupid things like putting my hair in his wallet when i said I am having lot of hair fall. It’s making me feel more idiot as I am writing this. BUT everyday is hard. I feel like talking it out with him and my parents who say focus on the career which is very hard in this fear he’ll get married to someone else.

When i ask for my certificates they don’t give me my certificates …i don’t know what i want to do in career.i am so confused

Dear Sushmita:

“My mother sometimes says she and my father we are with you focus on your career then if you want to get married to him marry him. I relax and start focusing on career but then next day she says again she can’t do it and I hate them more for manipulating me“- appears like your mother lied to you so that you start focusing on your studies. This is dishonest manipulation because when she told you “if you want to get married to him, marry him”, she didn’t mean it. It was a lie.

“My physical health has also deteriorated over this period. will seeing me like this make them change their mind“- on your end, you are trying to manipulate your parents to agree that you marry this man. If you will be exaggerating your physical unwellness or adding symptoms that you are not experiencing, that will be dishonest manipulation as well.

“HE on the other hand tells me time tells me time will heal this… and does stupid things like putting my hair in his wallet when I said I am having lot of hair fall“- I am guessing that you told him about your hair falling out partly because you wanted him to know how you are suffering without him. His solution to your falling hair and to your suffering is not to take action toward a  marriage.. but to carry your hair in his wallet, a symbolic act.

“I feel like talking it out with him and my parents who say focus on the career which is very hard in this fear he’ll get married to someone else“- this may not be a bad idea: why don’t you arrange a meeting between the four of you: your parents, yourself and the man, have a group discussion on what matters to you so very much (marriage with this man)? A meeting like this may be very revealing as to what everyone really thinks and feels on the matter.

anita