Also her sister’s boyfriend’s friend is mostly boys who like to “have fun”…. like drinking, playing golf… and other stuffs that alpha male does…..

But for me it’s the complete opposite… i cant be those kind of people….. i just dont want to get teased that i cant be like that when i get to know her sister and her sister’s boyfriend…..

Even after her sister’s boyfriend birthday party, her sister ask her to join and drink with her and her boyfriend, and her boyfriend’s friends…. but luckily that girl refuses as she has to submit her assignment deadline…… This situation is making me in a tough spot……

Dear anita,

I hope that indeed you do not expect her to pretend to always feel the same. About her not asking you questions and not telling you what kind of food she wants to eat, letting you decide: she doesn’t like to initiate/ to lead. But like you said yourself: better look at the bigger picture. In the bigger picture you like much of who she is, including that she does not seek attention.

No one can find a perfect partner, there is no such thing… so, in regard to this gem of a girl, look at the bigger picture and focus on what you do like about her.

= I’m just hoping that it wont be a sign that she is slowly losing interest…. Cause in relationships, after the honeymoon period (1-3 months) ends everything will become more boring right, and soon problems will arise…

In my experience communicating with you, I was never bored with you, but I did get frustrated from reading about the same itches/ worries over and over.. and over again for 3.5 years. It feels crazy-making at times. So, if I was you, I’d do my best to not frustrate this gem of a girl (let’s call her Gem, to make it simple, okay?) by presenting her with your itches, wanting her to scratch them/ to reassure you.

= i also hope that is the case with her, that she wont get bored of me….

It feels so hard to maintain a relationship, if we texts too frequently she might get bored, whereas if we dont show attention it could cause problems…. As the more and more we continue the relationship, there isnt much topic to discuss and it gets boring very easily….

Also i believe in relationship we cant have too much expectations, because it could lead to disappointments (mostly i felt this way) and it hurts a lot….

I thought to myself earlier today before turning on the computer (or maybe it was yesterday): I imagine that people who know how Eric lives (not working hard, not working physically hard, living at home, being physically taken care of), they probably think that his life is easy and comfortable; they don’t know how not-at-all-easy and how very painful it is to worry and overthink and feel badly as much and as often as Eric feels.

= it’s really painful, sometimes i could wake up due to overthinking and cant continue to sleep as i still feel anxious….
tbh these past few days it has been that way, but im trying to calm myself with several ways…

Dear anita,

I think my honeymoon period is the first few months when i chase her, trying to get to know her, before confession and a few weeks after confession…. As everything still seems new…

I’m not sure right now is still considered as honeymoon period or not… As the duration i know her hasnt reached 6 months yet….

Dear anita,

I thought a honeymoon period means a time (regardless of the duration in number of months) when you’re in-love and happy, not in-love and anxious and worried. So, according to my definition, you didn’t yet have a honeymoon period.

= yes, even the first few months when im trying to get to know her, im also in an anxious and worried state which leads me into planning everything on the date to not make mistakes at all….

I really want to experience it being “in-love and happy” with full of trust, without worrying at all….

It makes me sad because I would very much like you to be happy and worry-free for at least a while, so that you can taste a different kind of life and want more of it.

= Thank you, it always makes me feel emotional whenever someone said these kind of words to me…. Because sometimes i also pity my own self, that i’ve been suffering for so long and rarely feel loved…. I also want to feel loved just like anyone else… this is why whenever i feel like im interacting in a good environment that doesnt drain my energy, i feel happy already…. Even when i’m not interacting, just being in that environment is already a happy thing for me….

A worry-free mind is always what i wanted, but most situation always makes it hard for me to achieve that… i’m trying to look things in a more bigger picture and trying to dwell less, i think this method has a positive impact on me…

and as you say it’s my own responsibility to find ways for myself, and im trying my best for it… i really am….

Dear anita,

I can see/ feel your pure heart: you are a good, loving young person, and it is a great shame that, like you wrote, you’ve been suffering for so long and rarely felt loved.

= If i really care about someone, i’ll genuinely love them, but sometime that’s not the case…. Just like how i love my previous crush, my genuine love doesnt reciprocate….

I also feel that i need to learn how to lower my expectations… because if i care about someone i’ll have certain expectations on their behaviours towards me….

You deserve to be loved, but when living so long without feeling loved, it is difficult to accept love, even when it’s there (Gem’s love). It is difficult to believe that it’s really there and more so, that it’s going to stay!

= I really hope that gem’s love is really a loving love towards me… and she intends to stay with me….

Yes, its very hard for me to accept love, like it’s hard for me to trust if that certain someone genuinely loves me, because i rarely felt that…. The most common thing that i felt are loneliness, overthinking and insecurity….

Sometimes i feel envy seeing my friends who are surrounded by loving family, like they’d less likely to suffer from loneliness….

But i guess it’s also due to that im still young, i have matured yet…, there’s a lot for me to learn….