Dear Eric:

You are welcome. “I don’t think I’ll go and see a professional in this near time“- I am sorry to read this. I wish you looked for, and found quality counseling, so that you suffer way less than you have suffered for so long!

“Even when u avoid answering my obsessions. And I thank you for that. Due to sometimes u avoid answering my obsessions, my mind felt that it ‘can’t be discussed with anyone’. so it stopped thinking and gets tired by itself“- you are welcome and I will continue then to avoid answering your obsessions.. because it works!

“I agree with you that I have obsessive thoughts, and sometimes it leads me to be mad at myself which could cause me to scream or hit the wall due to that anger“- this is what I mean by you suffering: suffering from obsessive thinking that leads you to get so frustrated!

“I’m surrounded by a quiet surroundings, but what can I do? I’ve been living in this type of surroundings all my life“- in the quietness of your home, the voices within your head, aka obsessions, are screaming at you… so much so, that sometimes you “scream or hit the wall” in anger.

“I have a very hard time trusting anyone, especially when they praise me“- you can trust me when I praise you!

“I can say that I improved from last year regarding this anxiety, maybe because I’m more mature“- I am praising you for improving and maturing!!

“Tbh every time I overthink, after a day it tends to get calmer, idk why, either because my head is getting tired or I’m already distracted with a new worries“- if you didn’t overthink, you’d be calmer every day.

“Sometimes she questions me in a friendly way, like why did I fall for her so fast, and she’s worried that sometimes boys tend to leave when they get bored already, and she doesn’t want to feel a heartbreak… she’s afraid of heartbreaks, while me myself are also afraid of it“- she is like you, she worries too. I hope that she doesn’t overthink as badly as you do.. but she worries.

* Notice how she shares her worries with you in a friendly way: do the same when you share your worries with her.

“My head is exhausted because every single day I did my best for her, to make her feel happy around me. But I’m exhausted because I keep pushing myself to have an idea to make her happy. So does this mean I really need to see a professional, instead of telling my stories here?“- you can tell your stories here, but you should also see a quality professional (not just any professional). You are trying too hard and too much, and that’s not good for you, or for her.

“Anita, I know that you suffered from OCD as well. I wanna recover with my obsession slowly by understanding more about myself“- why don’t you read about OCD (and about social anxiety disorder) from online sources, maybe it will help you..?

“How I wish this girl can understand my concerns and feelings as u do anita, as you’ve followed me throughout the years. But idk if she knows about all of these worries. Will she still love me?“- I think that she already knows quite a bit about you and your worries…  and she loves you anyway, don’t you think?

* Reading your words right above made me feel very good, thank you!

anita

Dear Eric:

I want to add to my point about thinking being beneficial vs overthinking being detrimental (the word “overthinking” is in the title of your thread, so it’s an important topic).

I read this morning an Aug 2021 article in a website called “Introvert, Dear”, it reads:

“The difference between thinking deeply and overthinking: Thinking deeply helps you move the needle forward in your decision-making. Overthinking, however, is about being stuck… The key difference between overthinking and thinking deeply is the way it makes you feel… When you are overthinking, you likely feel anxious. You may feel scared, shameful and scattered. It feels uncomfortable in your body, as if you’re a bit frantic and unable to breathe comfortably. On the other hand, thinking deeply is comfortable. You may feel calm, curious, and possibly even excited (depending on what you are thinking about).

Here’s an example… Let’s say you are planning a party… If you’re thinking deeply about the party, you may be considering the food choices that will work best for your guests… considering all your options in a logical and grounded way, you may even feel excited…

“Now, let’s say you are planning the same party, but you are overthinking. You keep worrying if the people you’ve invited will all get along with each other, if they’ll have fun, or if they’ll show up at all. You find yourself thinking about the worst possible outcome for this party, envisioning people being disappointed, or wanting to leave right away… In this scenario, you’re obsessing over what could possibly happen… you’re having trouble deciding what food to make for the party because you feel so frazzled and anxious. You keep ruminating on why it won’t be a good party, so you don’t have space in your mind to think about anything else…

“.. thinking deeply is more about quietly considering your options. It’s productive and can help you move the needle forward in your decision making. Overthinking, however, is about being stuck on a certain thought and continuing to obsess over it. It’s not productive, it prevents you from moving forward, and it usually makes you feel worse…

“Why do we overthink? … two primary reasons: * We’re stuck in fear, * We have a lack of trust in ourselves… When we are overthinking every tiny detail, we’re approaching the situation with fear. We’re trying to think about every possible outcome so that we can cover our bases in case the worst scenario happens. We’re just trying to protect ourselves, right? Right. But there are a couple of problems with this. First… we’re stuck in an anxious loop. We aren’t leaving space in our minds for creative solutions, or hope, or faith… Secondly, we can’t possibly think of every possible scenario. Sure, it’s great to have a game plan in case something goes wrong, but there’s no need for 489 different possible solutions. Instead, come up with 2-3 solutions to ease your mind, and then move on.

“A lack of self-trust is another key reason we get stuck in an overthinking loop… We don’t believe we are capable of making a solid decision. We’re constantly overthinking, asking for advice, and mulling over even the smallest decisions because we’re afraid we’ll make the wrong choices…

“How to overthink less and think deeply more?… * Meditate… Here’s a great meditation for overthinking (link provided) * Tell yourself a new story. When we’re overthinking, we’re usually just repeating a fearful story in our minds over and over again. Why not use the same brain power to imagine an outcome that you’d actually like to see happen? * Build your self-trust. One of the most simple ways to start building your self-trust is by keeping the promises you make to yourself. You have to show yourself that you are trustworthy, right? Start with something small, like committing to drinking 32 oz of water every day, and then make sure you actually do it. When you follow through on what you say you’re going to do, your self-trust grows, Try it!” (End of quotes from introvert dear. com).

anita

Dear Eric:

You are welcome!

“So last week me and that girl went on a self-photoshoot and we took lots of pictures together, there are pictures of … both of us staring at each other while touching each other’s waist“- congratulations for having these photos taken, a printed memory of … love, lovely!

“I hope she won’t be very judgmental, especially on my physical appearance“- nothing you can do about that, but notice that her sister (the girl you are dating) likes your physical appearance, and that is wonderful, isn’t it?

“I’m confused on how I should react when her sister asked questions to me,  if I act confidently she might think I’m ‘bad’ and experienced, but if I act shy she might think I’m not suitable for her sister“- try to act a bit more confident than you feel, but don’t try to act too confident. You have to act close to how you truly feel, because otherwise, the gap between how you truly feel and how you try to appear will be too evident.

“And also, she’s a year younger than me, it’ll be weird if I’m afraid of her“- prepare yourself, best you can, to look at her sister in the eye and in a friendly way, and with your head held high.

“That girl also told me her sister is really scary when she gets mad, like she once get angry at her ex in the car that the people inside the house can hear her screaming“- I imagine that her sister was embarrassed when she realized that people inside the house heard her screaming. She probably doesn’t want to earn the reputation of being a screaming mad woman.. so she is likely to try to control her temper.

“Thinking of her sister is making me exhausted“- when exhausted, relax. Maybe looking at the recent photos with your girlfriend will help you relax.

“I need to have a plan so that I can have a good first impression on that dinner and also on answering her sister’s questions“- I can put together a list of questions (or you can do it on your own) so that you can prepare your answers ahead of time.

“I feel this girl mostly doesn’t think a lot, like she never assists me in the communication while I’m having dinner with her parents…. Also she never suggested which place to eat, she just follows me“- you told me earlier that you are a follower. Seems like she is a follower too. You know how difficult it is to change in this regard, so please don’t get angry at her for being a follower and don’t demand that she changes.

“I feel like I’ll overthink if the relationship is being exposed in public. But her sister has sent that pic of me and her in the self-photo studio to her boyfriend and friends“- seems to me, that her sister approves of your physical looks and of your relationship with her sister; otherwise she wouldn’t send the photos to her friends, don’t you think?

“That girl told me she plans to show our relationship to public on my birthday next year, but she said if I’m not ready then she won’t do it“- and it very much seems to me that she is serious about you and that indeed, she is a gem!

anita