How did you do it?

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    Looking for techniques to purge a man from my thoughts.

    My head knows the deal – we’ve broken up, which is a good thing for both of us, move on. My heart is dragging behind still carrying hope & a torch, checking for texts, thinking of how to fix it. ARRRRGH! The man was my kingpin for 3 years, even through our turbulent times. But it’s over, and I want to stop thinking about him.

    I have a full, happy & productive life with work, friends and a band. STILL he’s in my every breath. I went 2500 miles away for 3 months, and STILL.

    I’ve prayed, I’ve begged the universe! Help! If it were something physical, I’d cut it off! It feels like it is, right in the middle of my stomach – ache ache ache miss him miss him miss him. I’m tired of it.

    How did you get that person that you love out of your thoughts?

    Big blue

    Hi Sojourner,

    I think time is the best answer.

    You may also just accept the thought and let it go. “Oh there’s that thought again – ok – let it go.” Some say this little move takes it away from the emotional brain more into the more thinking brain. “Let it go.”

    Lastly, keep doing positive things for yourself.

    What do you think?

    Big blue



    I agree with Big Blue, though I’d put the last first. That ache in your tummy is perhaps missing the tenderness. You don’t need him for that, though, you just got used to him giving that to you. Perhaps if you were to spend time being kind and gentle with yourself, being tender, self nurturing, then your body would more easily remember “oh, right, I don’t neeeed him to be happy, warmed”.

    Sometimes when we’ve just broken up with a partner, we have all sorts of thoughts like “I miss him, I miss our connection, I miss what he did for me”, which are fueled by our body’s desire for kindness, warmth, companionship. As we self nurture, that need in us is fed, and the thoughts naturally fade away, become less demanding of us. The thirst is met, fades.

    With warmth,


    Matt – great answer. I will try that. Does laying in bed eating chocolate count? Because that’s what I’m doing right now 🙂 I actually miss HIM with all his amazing attributes.

    Big Blue – So, please expound – the thought of him comes, with the ache, with the wish things were like they were blah blah blah. So, I acknowledge the thought and the actually say to myself “there’s that thought, let it go”. This will in time manifest into actual letting go?

    Thanks to both of you, love and peace.

    Big blue

    Hi Sojo,

    This is a mindfulness thing. Google mindfulness and putting things on a leaf. It is s way to manage thoughts that just pop up and that don’t serve you well. When you think of him, picture him on a large leaf floating away. A counselor will help with mindfulness.

    Big blue

    PS: yes chocolate helps 🙂 I have a lot more experience with chocolatefullness than with mindfulness lol.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Big blue.

    Being out and about other people is the cure. Find someone you can help, above all do not isolate. being alone is perhaps the last thing I would do 🙂 My worst time is on long drives because I am alone… with my thoughts. I am creating visions and conversations in my mind, that are not reality, but my body feels as if they are. I can have a relationship with a person that is totally in my mind, it is NOT a relationship, it is not real. Any suffering I am causing myself.

    So I listen to audiobooks when I drive. When in bed I read or sleep. When I watch TV I watch with someone else. When alone (and not driving or engaged in a specific task) I meditate. I use mindfulness to put myself in the moment. In the moment there is no fear. The imaginary things with their suffering is not there.


    It’s perfectly normal to linger on after a breakup, have your thoughts consumed by your ex and cling onto whatever last shred of hope there is. Is it healthy? No, I wouldn’t say so, particularly if it becomes an unhealthy obsession. But this is a part of grieving, and sometimes this process can take awhile. Embrace this pain (I know that sounds a little weird), but you have every right to feel the way that you do. A lot of times when we go through emotional pain, we do anything we can to avoid it and that doesn’t allow us to fully heal the proper way. Take all the time you need to get him out of your system; whether it be crying, eating chocolate, venting to friends. It seriously helps when we can understand and feel this pain but acknowledge that it’s only temporary. When we feel emotionally and mentally stable again, that is when we learn to let go.

    Start doing yoga or meditation. This fosters mindfulness and helps us become in tune with our soul and inner needs. You’ll find that the things you were stressing about over your ex are becoming more insignificant as time goes by. Or perhaps write in a journal each day and thoroughly explain the emotions you are going through…write it all down and don’t skip a detail! While spending time with these journal entries, consider writing what you are grateful for, or what made you happy/smile that day. This will shift your attention to a more positive outlook on things.

    In the end, time is your only solution to moving on. Trust the journey you are going through and the emotional pain you are going through, and you will come out of it as a more evolved person who grew through the pain rather than avoiding it.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Kelsi.

    Hello, the best think to do is be far away from social networking..facebook etc It’s a practical way and i did it today,after one year of suffering i decided that this is the best think to do.Build up your life without worrying about nobody!
    Think about your goals, your life and don’t give time to your mind to think about a person WHOEVER is this.Nobody can steal your happiness.Nobody.Don’t let them.Get rid of these people.
    If someone makes you feel bad,get rid of him.It doesnt matter who he/she is.

    Have a great day.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by popi.
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