January 1, 2021 at 9:21 am #372022
happy new year!
Being mindful everyday is a good practise, but at the moment I still have a hard time with this. Maybe I try to distract myself so much, because my thoughts can become overwhelming. At the moment there is also little opportunity to have more positive distractions. I am glad I can go back to work on monday and go to therapy next week as well.
I want to work on my inner critic becoming more of a guiding, helpful one. I would like to self-reflect and admit when I have done something wrong, but not completely tear myself down.
Sometimes the feelings of guilt and shame can become very overwhelming. I am trying to do the right thing, but sometimes I feel like everything I do is wrong.
During the last days I have also reflected on my relationships with people. Most of the time when things went wrong it was because I was not able to say no. I said yes to things I did not want and wasn’t able to set boundaries. Then I was feeling more and more uncomfortable, until I couldn’t take it any longer and distanced myself from the persons.
When someone asks me for help or for anything I feel a strong urge to not disappoint them. And I think sometimes I become very confused, then I make the wrong decision.
On a positive note, I have become more aware of how I am feeling and hopefully I can break this circle. Because nothing good comes out of it and I only hurt people and myself. I have learned to take things more slowly and to pause before making a decision.
I hope to make better decisions in this new year!January 1, 2021 at 9:33 am #372023
I am glad to read that you will be going back to work on Monday, three days from now. May we both make better decisions in this new year!
anitaJanuary 1, 2021 at 9:49 am #372024
thank you!January 1, 2021 at 9:54 am #372025
You are welcome, Lily!
anitaFebruary 3, 2021 at 12:40 pm #373986
in the last time, I have been obsessing again about everything I am doing wrong. It needs to stop. I am not getting anything done and I am just feeling more and more anxious. Instead of this, I would like to change something and take action. Because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being stuck and being a victim.
I finally want to leave my past mistakes behind me and forgive myself. I am sorry if I have hurt anyone in the past and I want to improve myself and work on myself. Become better.
So I am posting here, to motivate myself to do better tomorrow. My goals for tomorrow:
– Get up at 7
– Exercise / Go for a walk
– Work on uni projects in the morning and afternoon (at least for a few minutes, to start)
Maybe posting it here helps to motivate me! Actually, I will say: I will do it! I will post an update tomorrow for accountability.
Oh, I also want to post some things I am grateful for today. I really want to become a more optimistic person, instead of sabotaging myself…
– Grateful for having a roof over my head
– Grateful for a healthy meal that I cooked for myself
– Grateful to get along well with my flatmate
– Grateful we finally had a little bit of snow during the last days
How are you doing, anita? Hope all is well at your end!February 3, 2021 at 1:24 pm #373989
I am fine, thank you. You can use this thread any way you want to use it, as long as it is helpful to you, and for as long as it is not harmful to others. Motivating yourself to take action so to change your life for the better, and (gently) holding yourself accountable for those actions is an excellent use of your thread, so.. welcome back, Lily!
anitaFebruary 3, 2021 at 1:34 pm #373990
Hopefully it will help. I already felt a little better after posting my goals.
Do you think my thread has been harmful to others in the past? I really want to improve myself.February 3, 2021 at 1:45 pm #373992
No, your thread was not harmful to anyone. When I wrote to you in my recent post, “You can use this thread any way you want to use it”, I thought to myself that someone may be reading this sentence (in this public forum), and that someone may be thinking that they can start a thread and use it to spread hate for certain groups of people or whatnot, so I wanted to clarify to anyone who may be reading, that it will not be okay to post harmful material on one’s thread. So, I added “for as long as it is not harmful to others”.
anitaFebruary 3, 2021 at 1:53 pm #373994
Thank you for clarifying. You are right that one should consider that it is a public forum! I will be mindful of that!
Thanks for the reminder!
I will soon go to sleep. Goodnight anita.February 3, 2021 at 2:09 pm #373996
You are welcome. You have nothing to worry about: you never got close to being offensive to any person or group of people. Good night, Lily!
anitaFebruary 4, 2021 at 10:23 am #374037
so my plans for today went o.K. Only I still have to journal… The walk had calmed me a lot. But after a few hours, I am feeling anxious again. I am always ruminating and cannot stop.
For tomorrow, I am planning basically to do the same as today, but I will not have time for a walk.
Maybe tomorrow I will write a longer message!
Please take care!February 4, 2021 at 10:41 am #374039
You stated yesterday regarding your motivation in posting, “to motivate myself to do better tomorrow.. I will post an update tomorrow for accountability”-
– I read your update today and I will keep reading your posts and updates, letting you know that I have. If you need any specific input from me, something that I didn’t already offer you in the past, you are welcome to let me know what it is.
anitaFebruary 5, 2021 at 11:37 am #374106
thank you for taking the time to read my thread. Maybe I should start a new one, for a new beginning.
Today I went to work, but I was feeling very tense and anxious. And I probably made some of the clients uncomfortable because of that and maybe wasn’t patient enough. I need to try harder next time. It will probably help me to think more positive thoughts so as to not stress myself.
But after some hours of work, I started to feel less stressed. When I came home, I talked on the phone with my grandmother and drew for some minutes. Now I am really tired, too tired to write much more…
For tomorrow, I want to go for a walk again and also work for some hours.
Goodnight, anita!February 5, 2021 at 12:37 pm #374110
You are welcome. You can start a new thread if you want to, it’s fine with me either way (continuing here or starting a new thread). Good night to you too, Lily!
February 6, 2021 at 8:49 am #374184
- This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
I will still have to think of a name for the new thread.
The walk was nice, even if it was a gloomy day. Finally, I am starting to feel a little better! I should not forget how healing long walks in nature are for me.
During the walk, I thought about the future and I set a deadline for myself to finally finish my studies. This also made me feel more hopeful. After that maybe I could move away to a more rural area.
Later I managed to paint for a few hours! The idea with the accountability thread seems to work so far.
For tomorrow, I want to go for a walk again and paint and also clean the house. Maybe journal or read later.
Hope you have a good day!!