Being mindful everyday is a good practise, but at the moment I still have a hard time with this. Maybe I try to distract myself so much, because my thoughts can become overwhelming. At the moment there is also little opportunity to have more positive distractions. I am glad I can go back to work on monday and go to therapy next week as well.
I want to work on my inner critic becoming more of a guiding, helpful one. I would like to self-reflect and admit when I have done something wrong, but not completely tear myself down.
Sometimes the feelings of guilt and shame can become very overwhelming. I am trying to do the right thing, but sometimes I feel like everything I do is wrong.
During the last days I have also reflected on my relationships with people. Most of the time when things went wrong it was because I was not able to say no. I said yes to things I did not want and wasn’t able to set boundaries. Then I was feeling more and more uncomfortable, until I couldn’t take it any longer and distanced myself from the persons.
When someone asks me for help or for anything I feel a strong urge to not disappoint them. And I think sometimes I become very confused, then I make the wrong decision.
On a positive note, I have become more aware of how I am feeling and hopefully I can break this circle. Because nothing good comes out of it and I only hurt people and myself. I have learned to take things more slowly and to pause before making a decision.