How to let go of jealousy?

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    I am unsure as to why, but I have recently found myself in a glum sort of mood. I am a pretty positive person for the most part and I also try my best to stay that way but sometimes it slips away. I have been together with my boyfriend for three years now and he has always had his full attention on me and still does. It was nice to know that we truly only want each other and no one else. There was no other “crush” we had or whatever you want to call it.

    This is going to sound so silly, but he has recently fallen in love with Jennifer Lawrence. Whenever he sees her he always say how amazing she is and how she is his favorite, etc. I can’t even help but let it get to me and I really wish it wouldn’t because it is so silly. What comes to my mind is that 1) I don’t look like her even though I love how I look for the most part, 2) our personalities are completely different (and I don’t even know her) and 3) if she is amazing then does he still think I am amazing? I try to be confident in myself but sometimes I don’t feel that way. I also recently saw that he liked a photo of this girl he went to school with and he said she was prettiest girl in school. I have never noticed that he has even liked a photo of another girl so I don’t know why he did now and I couldn’t help but over think it. Once again, I look nothing like her and I have never met her, but I find it challenging to deal with this silly stuff and I would really like to discover a way to learn to let it go. If anyone could give me some kind advice I would greatly appreciate it, thank you 🙂


    Dear Caitlyn,
    How he is treating you and relating to you is what matters. I love and get fascinated about so many things, it doesn’t mean I appreciate my partner any less. It just means that a person can have multiple interests. I don’t see any harm here. Keep being the person that you are, the person he felt in love with. The question of whether your guy will continue to think you are amazing is up to you. If you keep being who you truly are, he’d most likely find you amazing just as the day you met. Don’t let this get to you sweetheart. Stay amazing! Hugs!

    The Ruminant

    Hello Caitlyn!

    Something that’s good to remember is that there is no stagnant state in this world, where everything would always stay the same. It’s scary, so we don’t like to admit that and would prefer a more predictable state of things, but that’s just not possible. So, you can be a positive person in general, and still have periods of negativity. You can also be totally in love with one person, and still feel appreciation or love for someone else. That’s going to happen at some point regardless of what you do. Mind you, feelings aren’t the same as actions, so you both can choose how you act upon your feelings. You’re allowed to feel insecure, and you don’t have to suppress that feeling, but it’s not a good idea to act upon those insecurities. In the same way, he’s allowed to feel appreciation towards other people, even women, but it’s not a good idea to stray from a mutual agreement (your relationship) just because of that appreciation.

    Since these are things that will happen, then why not just allow them to happen and instead of trying to control it, just put your energy into something else, like focusing on how great you are! You and Jennifer Lawrence can both be great in the same time in this world 🙂 You can even find joy in seeing other people be wonderful if you’re feeling good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll know you are unique and special and other people’s uniqueness and specialness will just add to the wonderful experience that is life, and not take away from it. How to feel good about yourself is probably one of those personal journeys that is different to everyone. Mine has been long and winding, and I do know that even feeling good about yourself isn’t something that’s a constant. There are days when I feel terribly insecure, but then I listen to myself and why exactly am I feeling so insecure, and try to solve those issues. I try to be genuine, I try to keep choosing myself as my most important relationship, I try to focus on things that make me happy and are interesting to me, I try to make room for myself to grow and express myself without fear, and so on.

    Be compassionate towards yourself. We all feel insecure from time to time. The important thing is to deal with it with compassion and in a healthy way and not allow it to take over.


    This person has some issues regarding the idealization of things and how things would be ideally- there is definitely an aspect of reality missing while he re-creates these Platonic situations.

    How strong is your connection in real terms? is your eye contact meaningful?, because the eyes really say it all. Have you stated that you need to feel that you are number one in his life or that you feel left out?have you had any other interest in someone else or do you think that he feels he could not be meeting your expectations somehow?, since this may be a reaction to some feelings of inadequacy on his part?I say this because you might think he is comparing you to these pictures while in fact he might be doubting if you fully feel the same way and if not he will look for something to make him feel as if he is desired.

    If you were not in a relationship I would say that this is a bit tricky but being in a relationship you should be able to feel completely honest and open and tell him so in a loving way- You may find that after your reassurance that he forgets these things.

    the other question is are you really jealous of the pictures? if you ventured out a suggestion of another new girl in picture format and ask his opinion he might actually play along and begin to see you again.A lot of women do allow a certain freedom for the men in their lives to admire other women or state that they find these women to be beautiful-it could be a way of letting go.I would not try to compare my self to these women as after all they are only pictures while you are real, he has no means of being with them and you should remind him of that in a loving way.I hope it helps somehow


    BRUNO, where do you get the idea HE needs reassurance? Clearly SHE is the one who needs reassurance, you’re making this way too complicated.

    Caitlyn, you already know this is silly. You’ve already told yourself it means nothing, that he’s not doing anything wrong, that Jennifer Lawrence is just a picture. And it hasn’t helped.

    Jealousy, whether reasonable or un-, is much easier to let go of when you’ve got your partner on your side. You can explain to him that you feel this way (and make sure to stress you know it’s unreasonable, and he’s not done anything wrong) and ask him the questions you’re asking. Does he think you are amazing? Does he think you’re pretty, even though you look completely different from this other person he thinks is pretty?

    Expressing your feelings, exposing your insecurity and vulnerability and asking for reasonable reassurances will help you guys be closer. If you keep telling yourself it’s silly and you should just get over it already, it may fester inside you. And if this is how you feel when he gives somebody’s picture a thumbs-up, I hate to think what you’ll be dealing with if he ACTUALLY develops an interest in someone else. And he probably will at some point, if your relationship lasts. And if he chooses you despite that interest, and you can handle this without going crazy, your relationship has a good chance to last.

    Be careful not to blame him for what you’re going through. So not like this: “I don’t like it when you talk about Jennifer Lawrence that way. It makes me jealous.” But more like this: “I know this is really dumb, but I’m having a little insecurity, can I talk to you about that? Can you tell me that I’m amazing too, and you don’t like Jennifer Lawrence more than me? I know you don’t, but I’d just like to hear it.”

    Jealousy is poisonous to relationships. Work on it together.

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