Happy new year Anita. I hope 2020 brings you lots of happiness, success and luck. I thought of you earlier today as I spent Christmas alone and also new year on my own. I felt a bit sad yesterday but I’m ending the year in a good job. Personal life is non existent but I told someone that I didn’t want to meet as I’m not interested in anything casual. I’m able to take a stand and will look after myself in 2020 !

Thank you Anita and I’ll keep going. And feeling more worthy about myself. I thank you for helping me this year. I’m very grateful.

Hi Anita

I just wanted to write about how I was feeling somewhere and this post came to mind. I had a good day at work but I haven’t been well the last few days. My mate from Paris came to visit over the weekend and told me all about how happy she is with her husband and how he looks after her. Why do people hurt you like that? She knows I’ve been single for years. I am trying to date but I don’t want to set my standards short and have messy relationships again. People who I don’t want to chat to keep coming back while no one nice says hello. Are some people like me just unloveable? We just won’t see any love in this lifetime? Do I accept it and go on? I know you said that you’ve got to go on and live in hope but nothing changes. The same old awful people keep coming back coz they feel that they can use me. I’ll be 45 in April and want to go on a solo holiday. I always thought I would be with someone but that wasn’t meant to be. And then my mate says- oh what will happen if something happens to you? Who will come and rescue you? I wanted to say – who has looked after me when I was unwell since Sunday? I had to get up, cook and try and do some work as it’s relatively a new job. I don’t have those luxuries in life and I don’t complain. But why are people hurtful? Why do they come and thrust it in my face when I don’t ask for that information or invite them? The married man, the friend with benefits. My ex husband – these are the only people who want to chat with me. Obviously everyone who didn’t treat me well. I don’t want to meet any of them. Will my fate ever change? On days like today, I truly despair and had to write. I’m so sorry !

I’m not giving up hope Anita. But sometimes, I wonder why people are cruel when they know that I’ve been single since 2013. I don’t invite myself to any of their homes and mind my business here and only ever think of going on a solo holiday. It feels like people talk to me so that they feel better about their lives. Which is very sad. I don’t have many friends but most are married or with boyfriends. I hope they are happy – I don’t intrude and don’t want anything from them. I guess that is how the world is. Cruel towards someone who didn’t have the right opportunities in her personal life. I’ll accept it. Thank you for writing to me. It was a difficult day but I am growing and accepting. It’s all I can do.

I didn’t tell her that it bothers me. Her happiness doesn’t. I am happy for her. But I don’t need the details. She was with me at university. I haven’t seen her in over 2 years despite being best friends. But no need to gloat about her life. But it’s not just her. Everyone I know seems to do it and expects me to listen and be quiet.

I don’t know if it’s possible on my solo holiday but I’ll be positive and go on. I just know family and friends can be cruel. What can I expect from strangers then?? I’ve always known it but some days are just harder than others. Thank you so much for replying to my posts.

Anita, I can’t tell you the number of people tho gloat to me. Literally everyone. She has always told me about how she is so happy and then will say – I know you haven’t been lucky but you’ve done ok. As if that is consolation. My other friend asked me what I was doing this weekend. I said I was out with this mate from Paris. And she said – oh I was doing some home admin and lazy time with Mark. We’ve only been together since September but my weekends are so much better now. And I didn’t ask for that information or detail.
its the same way the Fwb would tell me about his holiday plans, his family knowing fully well that I am alone and haven’t been on a holiday in 5 years. People know. I don’t hide who I am or how I feel. But they still want to show me how amazing their life is. I have never shared details and never asked them about their life. They why do they? Cos they feel better gloating to someone who they know doesn’t have the ability to experience what they do. It’s always been that way. And they all know my life. Know what I’ve been through but they’ll still talk about themselves and their amazing lives. That is life.