Hi sonja, i sort of new this wud happen, this guys mind works only at the extreme ends like some bipolar,but more than tht he is not true not even to himself. im very angry for wat he has done. he does feel guilty but he is uncontrollable.you dont desere to be treated like this.you know, im very very broken in life right now,mentally…but you are more important…please take care…and please dont cry ,now , consciously start accepting the realities.you are very wise. dont fear wat will happen tomorrow.stay calm and strong.

You are not cursed, you are blessed. We all are.

Different shades of gray, but the story is the same. I cried for 14 years. The last eighteen months have been hell on earth.

I finally stopped looking for reasons. I finally stopped thinking there had to be something I could do or say that would change all of it. I drove myself mad asking “why” and trying to make sense of it all.

The message from the Cosmos, that I had long ignored, finally got through. There was NOTHING I could do. It wasn’t about what I deserved. It wasn’t about what I gave. My feelings, emotions or thoughts had no place in the matter. It was, has always been, all about him.

Love yourself Sonja, love others and the peace you seek will find you. This horrible ending is the beginning of something wonderful. Go enjoy it.

There is nothing to think about other than once you have moved on you will find someone else who will love you and put you first and wont put you through something like this. Just keep thinking how amazing that will be.

and finding love again is possible…and its going to be the best thing…but its not so easy…i know even if the greatest love comes to u on its own tomorrow…u will not accept it so easily…but waiting for something to happen is not good…it creates a void untill tht thing happens..so you yourself must fill tht void or not let it happens..one shud be fulfilled with wat they have ..not wait for something…else it will create imbalance in mental strenght..the best way one can stay fulfilled it,,giving out selflessly…i mean helping others,charity ,social work etc..i work for animals..so even though i go thru emotional tornados,my love for animals is greater than my life so i keep going..thts the purpose of my life..

Sonja, I have been thinking about you.

Your strong reaction to watching your spouse trample on his vows to you is not taking life too seriously. I think you are reacting perfectly normal. His asking “what the big deal is” is a way to deflect from what he has done and to remove his responsibility in it. If the tables had of been turned and he was in your place he would not be asking what the big deal is. He would be feeling it.

I disagree that he was not like this when you two were dating and engaged. Of course he was, you just didn’t get a chance to see it or you chose not to. How successful would he have been in marrying you if he had of shown his true self? How open were you to really seeing him? Perhaps you were his attempt to do things right? In my case, I thought I was the exception to the rule. I was not and when that became apparent, the suffering was overwhelming. I nearly died under the “whys” of it all.

Good people do bad things. We all make mistakes, sometimes huge mistakes such as his. A huge mistake should be isolated though. If this was a mistake on his part, you wouldn’t be here. He would have straightened his act up, thanked the Cosmos for your forgiving nature and that you took him back. Every day you would have seen his remorse and his desire to see you healed from what he had done. That is not the case. He apologizes and does it again. This is a song as old as rhyme to me. If someone has truly made a mistake, it should not happen again. If someone has made a mistake, it does not become a pattern of behavior.

Be thankful you are at home with people who love you. Be glad you aren’t sitting there with two small children. Be glad you aren’t fifty hears old and having to deal with this. It may not feel like it, but time is on your side. So is the Cosmos.

I have a gift for you but you may not see it as that. It took me a long time to understand how powerful a gift it was when I first received it. I have your answer to the “why”. Really. Why did he do this? Why did this happen to you? Because he chose for it to happen. There is nothing more. No grand reason, no mental illness or personality disorder. It all happened because he valued want he wanted over everything else, including you.

I know it seems so very senseless. It is to you, as it should be. I know you are driving yourself crazy over all the possibilities about what was, what is and what it could have been. Do you realize you had no control in this? That his actions are his actions and have nothing to do with you? I have three bits of great wisdom that I would like to ask you to ponder over.

“Do not let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams”. – Unknown

“How people treat you is their karma: how you react is yours.” – Wayne Dyer

“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves”. – Don Miguel Ruiz

It took me well over a year of meditation and self reflection to finally realize that my husband’s behavior was not a reflection of me. His behavior should not determine my self worth. That there was literally nothing I could do or say that would change anything as it was not mine to change to begin with. Most importantly, and I really want you to hear t his, the only person who could bring happiness to me was me. My happiness has never been in another person’s hand. It was in mine the entire time.

I am not going to tell you to stop driving yourself crazy. My road of insanity led me to a road of understanding and self love. More importantly, it led me to a place where the anger disappeared. I would not deny you that as I found it to be one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

You are so worried over the past (what else did he do) and the future (how will I ever find someone to love me) that you are ignoring the only thing you truly can change and impact…the present. It really is a gift.

I send to you my love and the hope you can gain acceptance of what has happened to you. Remember, we need to accept what has happened but that does not mean we need to agree with it. I pray that you come out on the other end of this free of hatred and full of love. You deserve nothing less. Choose love and not hate.

Hi Sonja,
I am very sorry to read about what happened to you. I know how you feel because something similar happened to me too. Know that you are not alone. Take some time to be by yourself to think through what you want, and take some time to also be with people who love and cherish you. I think no-one can tell you what the right answer is as to what you should do: the answer will come when you’ve had some time to work through your thoughts and emotions. It WILL come out right in the end: have faith and know that you are deserving of love, respect and happiness.

Wishing you much peace & strength,
JaniceCee