December 15, 2014 at 4:06 pm #69299
I am finally willing to open up about my feelings about an incident that happened within the past month with my fiance.
I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 3 years, it is both our first real relationship so things are new and learning as we go along, we don’t live together yet but are planning on moving out and starting our life together. It has been going great or so it seemed..
This past month, I recently got back onto facebook and immediately noticed things weren’t right. My fiance was leaving comments on this one particular friends pictures. Saying she was pretty, beautiful and sexy. Which I thought was kind of strange as I believe you should only say those words to your significant other. I brought this up to him letting him know how I feel and this isn’t something you would say to a friend, she might get the wrong impression of you. He just told me he was simply complimenting her as a friend. I brushed it off as I am not the jealous type and I trusted him.
Things got even more strange as he was on facebook messenger quite a bit even when I was around and he wasn’t texting me or calling me much within the past few weeks like he normally would which I could understand as he works late hours. I finally had to ask him why he was on facebook so much and he said it was because of funny pictures. I just couldn’t believe him, I had this feeling something was wrong.
After a month of his weird behavior I asked to borrow his phone to put some music on and saw that he left a message chat open facebook messenger, he was flirting with this girl and she had sent him a naked picture which sent me over the edge. I found out he had been talking to her at night on the phone and texting her when I wasn’t around for the past month if not more. She lives in Colorado, but still why would he cheat on me when everything is going so well? I got into a fight with him over this and he apologized deleting this girl from his phone and facebook.
Even though it’s been a month, I still can’t completely forgive him, I just have this feeling he will continue to lie to me and flirt with girls behind my back. He has already moved on and still loves me, showing me how he has changed and giving me ways to earn back my trust. But I still can’t move forward. I love him but I still have doubts.
What can I do to move my heart forward, I don’t want to deal with this feeling of resentment anymore.
December 15, 2014 at 7:39 pm #69305AnonymousParticipant
- This topic was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Doreen Dawson.
So is he trying to get you back? Seems to me that you have completely lost your trust in him. Without trust, a relationship is very unstable.
Hm..if you decide not to give the relationship another chance and know very well that deep down you can never trust him again, i think the best way is to not have any form of contact with him. Just let him know how you feel and tell him not to contact you anymore. Yes it’s going to be hard since it’s your first relationship, but to really move on the first step is to cut ties with him for however long it takes you to forget him (this method is extremely useful for me since it has helped me tremendously in getting over my ex of 9yr). Try to engage in doing something fun like hanging out with your friends or anything that you enjoy doing. If you really want to move on you also have to believe in yourself that you can do it. Try not to think about him. And whenever you are ready, just make new friends and see where that will lead you.
Life is too short to dwell on sadness and negative thoughts.
Wish you best of luck!December 16, 2014 at 12:34 am #69325MayaParticipant
Trust is everything…invest in the right place…listen to your heart.December 16, 2014 at 1:17 am #69326MayaParticipant
His Loyalty Should not depend on your presence…even in your absence Loyalty is essential.December 16, 2014 at 7:50 am #69339InkyParticipant
He’s only as good as he thinks you’re not looking. That said, people can change, and it could be him virtually sowing his wild oats while he’s still technically single. Tell him you are going on vacation ~ alone ~ to a spa because, as he knows, you deserve it. While you’re gone, notice how much he texts you. Also have a trusted neighbor check up on him. If he’s gone all the time or if there’s strange people in your house, that’s all you need to know. The neighbor also might come over to a house in disarray and a depressed man. That’s a good sign, it means he misses you!
So that’s what I would do.
InkyDecember 16, 2014 at 8:01 am #69340InkyParticipant
Edit: Your house meaning his house. A neighbor could be a trusted friend, too.December 16, 2014 at 8:30 am #69341
Thank you so much for your responses. Deep down I love him and want this to work. I called off our engagement. I just need time to forgive and move on. Maybe this is a sign that we need to focus and work on our relationship more before we settle into marriage. I don’t want to test or trap him to see what happens. If he really loves me things will change and hopefully this is a wake up call to him. And if things don’t work out and this behavior continues I will need to let go and go forward solo. I deserve to be happy and value myself more than anything and anyone.
December 16, 2014 at 9:31 am #69349BarbaraParticipant
- This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Doreen Dawson.
In my experience, you will never get the trust back – as the break of trust is too betraying. Too many lies, too many forms of deciet. Even if you forgive – its the forgetting that is the problem. As much as you want to – it is very hard to do, unless you are a very very stoic and non emotional person. If you have a tendency to analyse, you will find it near impossible.
Cut your losses. He is immature and wanted silly fantasy nonsense instead of the woman beside him.
Maybe some will say im being harsh, but I wasted time on a guy, went to therapy – where he used the time to deny all wrongdoing. You may waste precious time. Even if he says the sun moon and stars – would you believe him ?
I feel your pain. I have been there, was engaged, broke it off – and I am very very thankful I did. Turned out I did the right thing.
Just dont waste your good years on an eejit who should have known a good thing when he had it. ( for the record i’m pretty hot – if I do say so myself – so none of it is ever to do with it – its about the thrill of being a sneaky little snake 🙂 ) Whatever you do – know it has zero to do with you, and all about his need for en ego boost.
As you can see – if I think of it I still get angry. I still feel like slapping his face ! But not worth our time. Be with someone who cares for you – he would do it to anyone, even the silly foolish virtual girl from Colorado. He would do the very same to her.
You are worth more…close the chapter.
Meditate, let go, he gas a journey and lessons to learn. He has a moral compass to grow, somehow, and some self control to cultivate. Believe me – dont wait for this doorknob to man up 🙂
Namaste, xxxx.December 16, 2014 at 11:41 am #69354
I can tell you have been in a situation before similar to mine. I understand your state of mind and where you are coming from. But I feel this is a bit extreme, I know my trust has been broken and time will pass. I just need to think things through more or I will have even more regret.December 16, 2014 at 12:13 pm #69357popiParticipant
I cant tell you how much i feel you.
You cant do anything about this.
Guys are immature and waant sex with other women and we lose their trust .
This is the game unfortunately.
The first option is that you maybe accept this fact in general..for example men arent perfect..people arent perfect and world is sometimes unfair.
We hve to accept this.
We take lessons from these experiences like this..that happened to you.
Maybe its a lesson you hve to learn from life.maybe something you didnt know until now.The second option is that is this you
accept your fiance’s behaviour..get a rce”December 16, 2014 at 12:16 pm #69358popiParticipant
***get a “divorce” and move on
searching for another man that can complete you .
This behaviour was conscious.you know that you cant change someone so anyone can chnge you.
If you cant forgive you hve to move on.
You must follow your will and your point of view
you must accept your needs and dont be afraid to leave him if that fact wounded you.December 16, 2014 at 1:42 pm #69362
Thank you so much for understanding, I feel like there isn’t anything I can do about his behavior. I am trying to accept it and move on. I am about ready to give up on him, since he gave up on me by choosing to do this. I know he knows right from wrong and acting this way towards me proves I am not giving him what he wants and needs. I am not blaming him at all. He might not just be ready for a relationship at this point in his life.
December 16, 2014 at 1:46 pm #69364
- This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Doreen Dawson.
Or if I decide to stay with him, it will make him realize how important he is to me and willing to make this work even if he made this mistake. I’m just on the fence about what I should do at this point.December 17, 2014 at 9:21 am #69404
I have decided to learn from this lesson and give our relationship another chance, I forgave him. It makes me a stronger person to forgive than to forget everything we have shared together. I appreciate everyone who responded to me and gave me hope to move forward.