Dear Agathe:

Your situation involves a sudden and unexplained change in your feelings toward your partner, which is causing you significant distress. I’m sorry to read that you’re going through this difficult time. Emotional changes like the one you’re describing can be incredibly unsettling and painful, especially when they happen so suddenly and without a clear reason.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there might be a few possible reasons behind these feelings:

* Emotional Burnout: Sometimes, when we’re intensely attached to someone, we can become emotionally overwhelmed, leading to a sense of numbness as a way to cope.

* Underlying Stress: Stress can linger even after the stressor is gone. Residual stress or anxiety can still impact your feelings and emotional responses.

* Shift in Relationship Dynamics: As relationships develop, initial intense feelings can evolve into a different, calmer, form of attachment. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve fallen out of love, but rather that your feelings are maturing.

Here are some things that might help you navigate through this:

* Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the relationship. Journaling your thoughts and emotions can sometimes bring clarity (you are welcome to do it here, on this thread, or one you may choose to start).

* Self-Care: Make sure you’re taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Sometimes, focusing on your own well-being can help in understanding your emotions better.

* Open Communication: If you feel comfortable, consider having an open and honest conversation with your partner about what you’re experiencing. They might offer support and understanding, and it could strengthen your connection.

* Engage in Activities You Love: Reconnecting with hobbies or activities that you enjoy can help reignite your passion and might even give you new perspectives on your relationship.

*** I want to elaborate on Roberta’s sentence: “Grasping & attachment bring suffering & so does aversion”- When we become overly attached to something or someone, we start to cling to them tightly. This clinging, or grasping, often leads to suffering because it creates fear of loss, and anxiety about the future. Too much attachment can be harmful to our emotional well-being.

On the flip side, aversion refers to a strong dislike or avoidance of something. Emotions like sadness, anger, or fear can be difficult to experience, so we might try to suppress or ignore them. However, ignored emotions (emotions that are not acknowledged and processed) linger and resurface in more intense ways (so to get our attention).

When we fight against our emotions (emotions about the people and situations in our lives), instead of accepting them, we create internal conflict. Embracing an accepting attitude will eventually reduce this tension and promote a sense of inner peace.

It’s about allowing life within you to flow naturally rather than constantly trying to control/ suppress/ avoid it.

Sometimes, Agathe, our emotions need space and time to be acknowledged and processed before they can settle. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out for support is a courageous and important step.

Sending you strength and hoping you find some clarity and peace soon.

anita