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I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love

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  • January 26, 2026 at 4:51 pm #454593
    anita
    Participant

    Disappointing, Engulfment, Responsibility

    RED 🌹

    Maybe it will help to write ✍️ one paragraph on each, whatever comes to mind (aka stream of consciousness writing (or typing)?

    January 26, 2026 at 4:53 pm #454594
    anita
    Participant

    * Responsibility, Engulfment, Disappointing. RED 🙂

    January 26, 2026 at 6:34 pm #454597
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jaz- the Original Poster of this longest-running tiny buddha 36-page long thread:

    You started this thread on Aug 26, 2015-

    This is exactly 10 years and 5 months ago, and yet, Jaz, you posted only once (your original post). Dozens of people responded to your thread.

    I wish you’d post again, a 2nd time.. in a decade and five months.

    🤍 Anita

    January 26, 2026 at 6:41 pm #454598
    anita
    Participant

    I was wrong, Jaz, you posted a second time on Aept 29, 2015, on a second thread you started, but didn’t post again on that second thread.

    January 26, 2026 at 6:42 pm #454599
    anita
    Participant

    * Sept. 29, 2015

    January 27, 2026 at 8:28 am #454614
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning, Confused:

    As I reread what you wrote yesterday on the topic of trust, I am curious about what you meant by “I think I only trust people in superficial things (like cheating, because I can’t control it)”???

    🤍 Anita

    January 27, 2026 at 3:57 pm #454633
    Confused
    Participant

    Hello anita

    I think my mind is off so i can’t think of anything about RED right now haha, but i will try later 🙂

    I mean, i can’t control if the other person will cheat, they can do that and i might never find out, so i don’t stress over it. But on deeper things (like sharing my fears, etc) i hesitate.

    January 27, 2026 at 4:58 pm #454638
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Confused:

    Sharing fears can be scary, isn’t it? You shared your fears with her, didn’t you?

    January 28, 2026 at 7:42 am #454665
    Confused
    Participant

    I did yeah and then i felt like leaving immediately. Today i feel completely empty/numb. Therapist asked me “why did i choose a girl that lives in different country to bond and be intimate on a deeper level, since i’ve never done that up close and as soon as it was about to get real, i pulled back”.
    She also asked me what the push-pull offers me.

    But i cant find any answers.

    January 28, 2026 at 8:27 am #454668
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning, Confused:

    It’s okay not to have the answers right away, Confused🙂. Those are big questions.

    It sounds like yesterday was overwhelming and today everything feels flat. It makes sense that those questions stirred something up for you.

    What part of what your therapist asked is sticking with you the most today?

    🤍 Anita

    January 28, 2026 at 2:02 pm #454688
    Confused
    Participant

    The one that i posted above with the “why did i choose a girl whos far away” but i told her it just happened, she ticked many of my boxes and i started bonding with her. She doesnt believe it, she thinks there is more under that.
    What i realized today though is that the therapist might have not taken into account (because i probably didnt focus on it enough) that when that happened, i didnt just shutdown for the girl, i was bedridden for 10 days, couldnt work/eat/clean my house, i was just showering/lying in bed/searching what happened to me.I also felt immense guilt for the girl because i couldnt be present for her.

    Instead she focused on attachment issues, which might have not been really the case in this dynamic, because my shutdown/dissociation covered all areas of my life, not just the romantic one. So i might have to focus somewhere else entirely.

    January 28, 2026 at 2:55 pm #454691
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Confused:

    I wish it was all much simpler to figure out. There’s a complexity. I remember when I first had therapy long ago, I think I was your age, it was my first therapy experience, I drew a huge diagram with the different aspects of my complexity at a time, a huge diagram with words and arrows.

    Looking back, it was a pretty accurate diagram, it had “Self-Denial” on one part, and Self Actualization on the other end.

    I wonder if something like that could be helpful to you..

    January 28, 2026 at 6:30 pm #454698
    Confused
    Participant

    I did something similar but with my thoughts and actions. Therapist said that i analyze too much instead of feeling my feelings and that i am trying to label/explain everything. I guess that’s intellectualizing the emotions.

    By the way, today i had a nightmare that felt like a flashback. It was very intense and real and i woke up in the middle of the night anxious/frozen. It was my parents arguing intensely and i was following them in order to “manage” the situation and prevent them from making it worse, like a supervisor. Weird that i dreamt something like this now, i’ve never seen anything like it before.

    January 28, 2026 at 7:42 pm #454699
    anita
    Participant

    Manager, Supervisor Confused, with parents arguing intensely-

    This is the trauma of young Confused: instead of resting in calm parents, parents focusing on their child-

    Child Confused had to manage/ supervise.. crazy adults who are not really adults.. ?

    My mother was exactly 20 years older than me but emotionally, behaviorally, just a child, and an intensely-arguing child.

    I tried to be the adult but couldn’t because I was not an adult. Functionally, no one was 😔

    🤍 Anita

    January 29, 2026 at 7:37 am #454719
    Confused
    Participant

    Yes thats how i was feeling too sometimes. My mother was also kinda like yours..
    Could that have anything to do with what i am going through now? With the girl, my feelings, numbness and stuff..?

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