Well, my idea of love (in the romantic situations) is the feeling of wanting to be with the other person 24/7 or missing them all the time, wanting to talk to them, be with them. If i don’t feel like this, it doesn’t gauge my interest, i feel fake, and i hate being fake.

On the other hand, i know consciously that love=empathy, caring, affectionate. But what good does that do if i can’t “feel the motivation” to do it? U feel what im saying?

No i don’t think so, in fact i believed that i am very lovable and capable of offering nice things in a relationship right before this happened to me. I don’t know if that thought crossed my mind, i think it didn’t. It was mostly “why dont i feel ecstatic right now?!” and then guilt followed that “i am a bad person because i don’t feel more”. Maybe that was the first moment that i realized things were getting more serious?

That you might hurt her? That you had to be careful not to hurt her?

Oh i forgot to mention, some days before that, i felt “overwhelmed” by something, like my body was full of it, i think it was feelings of love or close to that and i wanted to tell her but i didn’t because i thought she would think i’m weird.

Also in December 30th, i read her poem again and i cried deeply, felt the need to tell her how much this means to me and that perhaps i love her.

“that I hold something fragile”- I know the answer is right here, or should I say, the core of the answer.

What’s fragile in you, Confused? What are you afraid might break?

I now lost 2 posts I typed out for you, the second repeating the first. I’ll try the 3rd time: is it that you were afraid to hurt her (gf) the way your mother complained to you about your father hurting her (when you were only 11)?

A mother complaining to her child about the man in her life is so very inappropriate and harmful to the boy.

I’m about to retire 😪 for the night 🌙. Talk to you tomorrow?