I don’t just recognize her positives, she has negatives as well, but she did show me love and her intentions were pure and i liked it very much, was one of the things that made me like her so much.

Well, i returned from the doctor and he diagnosed me within 20 minutes, i was shocked. I told him 3-4 things and he described my situation (and my past behaviors) spot on. He said i went through dissociation/DP/DR and right now i dont just ruminate, i am in the middle of a psychotic episode, not OCD/rOCD, its a delirium of sorts and if i leave it untreated it will only get worse, ending things with the girl won’t help because it’s not the cause, it will just attach on something else. He said it’s good that i spotted it early (because it’s in the beginning stages, but he thinks i’ve always been prone to that). I also told him i relate to many ADHD symptoms and he said that ADHD is in fact kinda in the bipolar spectrum. From what i described to him, he said that i was manic (euphoric) when things were good and then it came to a crash suddenly (the morning i woke up and felt “off”, like i didn’t know who i was talking to), which is now an emotional flatline phase and it i don’t treat it with meds it will only get worse. He also said that talk therapy alone will only make it worse because this has not much to do with attachment styles and traumas the way i was looking at it. He prescribed me 10mg of Lapozan Oro every night and he guaranteed that i will see difference immediately and i will find my feelings again (i’m starting tonight but im kinda anxious). He believes i’m composed and smart so i’m gonna get through this quite quickly. He also suggested that the other psychotherapist isn’t helping because she is focusing on the wrong things (which i was feeling too, since she was focusing on relationship and my issue is general) and she’s too young (she is 26) to be experienced in psychotic situations and maybe i don’t need her. He said i really need meds and perhaps some therapy once or twice a month.

Any of it sounds familiar, anita? 🙂