Hey anita

Yes, this is exactly what i mean. My brain portays her as the “cause” of my emptiness and all the thoughts lead to “u have to get away”.
But that doesnt seem to be the case, because even if she’s not in the picture, i will still be not able to feel joy and content in anything. It’s like im dead inside

She is the best ive ever had actually, kind, loving and understanding even when she has her own issues to deal with. We laugh a lot most of the times, i love it when she plays “jealous” and stuff, but still that’s not enough for me, i think i’m chasing the 200% feeling.
Then i think during the day: “why dont i miss her? why am i not motivated to message her and see how she’s doing? why do i not feel the pull towards her? Those must mean that i dont want her, but how can i miss her if she’s all i occupy my brain with?” then proceed to save reels and photos that remind me of her to send her later, lol. Another thought is: “why was i feeling ecstatic while kissing her/holding her and i can’t even feel it right now? Why am i not craving her? Then this must mean that i dont want her”. Those are the thoughts running through my mind all day, consuming me 🙁

I used to feel amazing (before november) when she was loving/kind towards me, idk what changed after that night. It was like complete void swallowed me..

Hmm, u think this is why it happens? But i can’t feel anything for anyone or any activity. Food has lost its taste, i no longer enjoy my days-off, i feel robotic, like a shell of my former self. I dont wanna do things i might regret later on and the urge to end things feels off to me.

Oh, and yes, I believe that my theory is true and that you not feeling anything for anyone is evidence of the disappearance I mentioned right above.