Hi Laura:

Welcome to the forums, I am glad you posted 🙂

A month is all it took him to figure that the two of you are going to have kids, travel the world and grow old together…?

Instead of getting to know you slowly, he’s imagining a whole future with someone he barely knows.

Well, his is not unusual that teens jump into “future fantasy mode” quickly — talking about marriage, kids, forever — because it feels exciting and romantic. It may be a combination of immaturity, idealization, inexperience and perhaps an anxious or clingy attachment style, on his part.

The way he talks about your future together can feel sweet at times, but it can also create pressure. Even if he doesn’t mean to, that kind of intensity so early on can make any person on the receiving end feel guilty or trapped, like you’re responsible for protecting his feelings. You’re not. His emotions are his to manage.

It makes total sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re not doing anything wrong by realizing your feelings have changed — What is important is being honest, because staying in a relationship you don’t want will only make you feel worse and will confuse him even more.

It also sounds like you two want very different things, and that’s okay. Liking different lifestyles, values, or even hair choices doesn’t make either of you bad people — it just means you’re not the right match. You don’t have to stay with someone just because he likes you a lot.

You don’t need a dramatic breakup speech. Something simple and kind is enough, like: “I realized my feelings have changed, and I don’t want to lead you on. You’re a good person, but I don’t think this relationship is right for me.”

It might feel scary, but being honest now is kinder than pretending. And your best friend dating his best friend doesn’t mean you’re trapped — their relationship isn’t your responsibility.

You’re allowed to choose what feels right for you.

🤍 Anita

Hi Laura

It’s no problem at all! 😊

I’m glad that you want to prioritise your feelings. What you want is important too! It is kind of you to be so considerate of his feelings as well. 🩵

Are you his first girlfriend? Has he been through a break up before?

I understand, I found telling boys what they didn’t want to hear a bit stressful when I was in high school. 🩵

One option is to mostly talk about yourself during the break up. It’s not you, it’s me kind of thing. This takes some of the stress off of them. I don’t know if you have any ideas for what you’d like to say?

Lessening the amount of time you communicate and spend time together can be helpful as well.

My favourite break up I had when I was in college was spending one last date together. Because we were meeting up when I said that I needed to talk to him about something. He said I think I know what you want to talk about. How about we focus on having a good time right now and talk about it later?

I hope some of the ideas help! 🩵

Hello Laura,

I am guessing that your boyfriend is really into you. And he was being honest and upfront with what he wants. I don’t think that is being fast moving or crazy. Just being honest and letting you know how he feels. Now, it is your turn to be honest and tell him that you do not feel the same. Upfront and honest. The longer you let him think you feel the same or don’t feel different is like lying to him. Say it to him. Be honest. Hurt him a little now is better than trying to figure a way out of the wedding. Or saying no when he proposes to you.

I understand being in high school and having feelings and planning on the future. Being shy about sharing feelings. But, not being totally honest is only going to hurt more later. Time to let your true feelings show.