Hi Laura:

Welcome to the forums, I am glad you posted 🙂

A month is all it took him to figure that the two of you are going to have kids, travel the world and grow old together…?

Instead of getting to know you slowly, he’s imagining a whole future with someone he barely knows.

Well, his is not unusual that teens jump into “future fantasy mode” quickly — talking about marriage, kids, forever — because it feels exciting and romantic. It may be a combination of immaturity, idealization, inexperience and perhaps an anxious or clingy attachment style, on his part.

The way he talks about your future together can feel sweet at times, but it can also create pressure. Even if he doesn’t mean to, that kind of intensity so early on can make any person on the receiving end feel guilty or trapped, like you’re responsible for protecting his feelings. You’re not. His emotions are his to manage.

It makes total sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re not doing anything wrong by realizing your feelings have changed — What is important is being honest, because staying in a relationship you don’t want will only make you feel worse and will confuse him even more.

It also sounds like you two want very different things, and that’s okay. Liking different lifestyles, values, or even hair choices doesn’t make either of you bad people — it just means you’re not the right match. You don’t have to stay with someone just because he likes you a lot.

You don’t need a dramatic breakup speech. Something simple and kind is enough, like: “I realized my feelings have changed, and I don’t want to lead you on. You’re a good person, but I don’t think this relationship is right for me.”

It might feel scary, but being honest now is kinder than pretending. And your best friend dating his best friend doesn’t mean you’re trapped — their relationship isn’t your responsibility.

You’re allowed to choose what feels right for you.

🤍 Anita