The reason I took a different turn on my own journey couple of years ago was that I had lost a person whom I really, really wanted in my life. Yet, my life was a complete mess and so was I. He was perfect for me, someone I had waited for my entire life, and then he was there, and it all fell apart. It was the push I needed to really seek help for my own problems. So, for me, was the timing bad or exactly what it was supposed to be? 🙂 It didn’t end up being the great romance in the conventional sense, but it changed everything for me. He is still around, supporting me and encouraging me on my way, and there is still hope for romance in the future. If it ever happens, it would be completely different to what it would’ve been, had we embarked on a mutual journey while I still had issues that needed to be dealt with.

While you’re in pain, it’s hard to see the future and think that things might be different. You don’t know what is going to happen. What if you learned something precious from this experience and next year, the real love of your life will enter the scene? What if you helped her to see something she really needed to see? Obviously, all of this isn’t a great help when you are in the middle of a painful situation. Besides, if you focus on what might happen next, you’d miss out on what is happening right now, which is what leads to the next moment.

All you can really do is to take care of yourself and be kind and compassionate to yourself and observe. Try to make choices that are healthy for you, and try not to hurt others in the process. Life unfolds before you all the time, and a year from now, you’ll look back and see what you can’t see right now.

Michael, your last message made me smile. In your original post, it struck me how much you assumed control over how this relationship played out:

“As things have got more serious and we’ve ended up in a relationship after much ‘wooing’ on my part, surprise trips, romantic dinners, I wanted to show her that she was special and that she didn’t have to be the person always giving in a relationship, as had been the case for her previously.”
“My first feeling was not being good enough, feeling like I should’ve given more or myself and tried harder.”

Sounds to me like you tried very hard, and yet you tell yourself you should have tried harder. “If only I’d done it right, I could have made this relationship work!” As if you are the only person in this relationship. As if relationships are a videogame you can win if you’re good enough and know where the ammo pickups are.

You did what you could, man. And you’re still doing the right thing now, by giving her space. Cut yourself some slack and just allow yourself to grieve a little for what could have been, rather than trying to figure out how this could have been prevented.

All my best wishes.

Thank you Michael for being courageous enough to express your feelings and being open to others perspective. This post has confirmed to me that the feelings I am currently experiencing can also pass with time. I too met someone who I honestly had no intentions on getting to the place where I found myself at presently. I unexpectedly found myself loving him more than he loved me at least this is what I told myself for his lack of effort towards the simple things like a simple goodnight or good morning or that what it seems because I kept saying actions speak louder than words and his actions were weak. I will post my story in hopes that others can give me a more direct insight to how to overcome this hurdle. Again thank you and I am happy I found this site. Overall I am feeling resentment and this is no one else fault but mines. Thought of stupidity and lack of awareness makes me feel like I should have slowed down and knew better than to try to mend my fragile heart.

The one thing I did not do in my current situation is be brave and true to myself the first time
I said to myself “really? what am I doing here. I want to be home in my own bed with my own coffee.”
I thought I had control of the odd situation from my own perspective, but the seeds of the truth were
taking root in my mind. It is/was a long distance relationship/?friendship? now. I waited too long to
speak up. An old pattern. So we were derailed by someone who is not a nice person but portrays herself as one. Maybe we could have worked it out. Chances not.But I don’t want this to feel pain and I confuse myself by telling myself that I just feel left out of family gatherings. I am still welcome in all friend gatherings.My friends keep redirecting me back to valuing myself and to see my self in the
amazing valuable way they see me. I want to stop being stuck here.

Thanks everyone.

Hi Michael Smith

Saw your posts earlier but did not have an appropriate response for you until just now.

You are a kind soul. The real test begins now for you : are you able to be kind to yourself as well after what has transpired in your love life ?

Pls do not let Michael down. Whether your partner realises her mistake or not for letting you go, thats not important. Whats more important is that you are able to maintain your composure, kind-heartedness and love for yourself and for your future partner. Do not let resentment, guilt or any other negative emotion make a house in your inner being.

Once you have grieved, can you pls have faith in my faith that everything happens for our highest good. Sometimes, we are not able to see that due to our short sightedness as a human. Life only gets better if we let it flow. I know you will be fine 🙂

Blessings,

Jasmine

Dear Michael,
Your situation was much more involved than the one I have been dealing with; yet I can certainly correlate some feelings I share with what you are presently going through. I wanted to first express my apathy for the pain in which you are feeling, and secondly let you know that it is nothing you did wrong.
I knew the man I was dating for three years prior to becoming romantically involved; I knew (and accepted) two things that many women could not; he had a complicated emergency services schedule and he had a child. We had so many good laughs and a lot of fun during our time together, although the relationship was relatively short-lived.

One day, he told me that he did not see anything long-term with me and that things needed to end sooner rather than later; I had done everything I could to prove that I would support him in every aspect and be a perfect female role-model for his child.

What makes you much stronger than myself is that you gave her space; I have bombarded him with question after question as to what happened and “could I have prevented this.”
The truth is, even if you were to ask her, she would not be able to articulate an answer. Sometimes people make decisions on feelings that even they cannot explain; it is so hard for those that were deeply involved with them.
The way I figure it, is that the person who could not answer those questions of “why,” will be replaced by someone that one day you will look at and say “now I know why me and ____ did not work out.”

You sound like the man of my dreams Michael; stop being so hard on yourself. She could not have picked a better man to help show her that not all men are like the ones that she had dealt with previously in her life.

Keep your head up 🙂