Dear Hello,

you are very welcome! It’s great news that you’ve managed to push the day of the move forward, to January 3. It’s only 2 and a half weeks away. Fantastic! The sooner you’re out of there, the better.

I also was able to get further confirmation today on even more lies and that he has in fact been unofficially labeled as suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. … I understand this disorder and have given him over two years to address his issues and look inward. Nothing has come of it other than exhausting me, bringing me down, him spending every penny I earn, and losing myself.

Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personality disorder are almost never willing to change. They don’t see themselves as having a problem – it’s always the other party, not them. The only time they go to therapy is when they are forced to (like you forced your husband to go once), but it doesn’t really do anything to them.

You thought that he was an honest person, and that if you ask him lovingly, and are honest and transparent with your own issues – that he would start opening up and realizing the truth. But unfortunately, he wasn’t interested in any of that, but only in how to keep you under his spell, so to speak. To keep manipulating you so that he gets what he wants.

You’ve tried everything, but unfortunately he was unreachable, and will probably stay like that. When he realizes he can’t win you back, he’ll probably start looking for the next victim to latch onto…

I’m so excited to move forward.

I am excited for you too! And please keep us posted on your progress!

Dear Hello,

he did not handle this news well even though I’ve been telling him for over a month what my plans were. He then started trying to sell me on he would help me move my things , that we should do it “together” and that he was under the impression we would share a mover for the big things.

Is he also moving out, on the same day? Because only in that case would it make sense to even talk about sharing the movers truck. But I think it’s only an attempt to mess up with your plans and delay them. It’s best if you do it alone, so he cannot throw a monkey wrench into your plans.

When he suggested he help me move I did not agree but I didn’t fight it either. He was starting to get hostile so I just backed away.
Bottom line is I’m not sure if I need to bring this detail up again with him before the actual day or leave it be.

I think he started getting hostile because he is still trying to control the situation and prevent you from executing your plan. So I agree with anita: the best is to tell him as little as possible. Don’t even mention moving unless he brings it up, and simply wait for Jan 3. That way he has less chance of sabotaging it!

Good luck in the following days, and post anytime if you need help!

Dear Hello,

how have you been?

I’ve been watching some videos about narcissism and came across a great one, by a clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani. She talks about another manipulative technique narcissists use when they want to win the person back: hoovering. They “hoover” you, i.e. suck you back into the relationship by telling you how precious you are and that they’ve finally realized it, and to give them another chance. It’s kind of a love bombing, only after the relationship is over.

Your husband might try that too, so I just thought to warn you.

The video is on youtube, it’s titled “What it’s like to break up with a narcissist“, and the publisher is MedCircle. If you enter the search phrase “what it’s like to break up with a narcissist medcircle”, it will show up first in the list of results.