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Less of confident due to losing virginity

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)
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  • #379165
    blue
    Participant

    Anyone can help me to get over feeling of less of confidence to begin new relationship as I have lost my virginity with my ex. I am 38. I broke up one month ago, My ex relationship last for 4 months and its was my first time to have sex ass I wanna to have baby. The relationship ended because my parents do not agree because my ex economic condition so bad to be a good husband for me. I am thankful

    #379180
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    If I understand correctly, you are a 38 year old woman living with your parents. You had a 4-month relationship with a man whom your parents disapprove of. You lost your virginity to that man and you are feeling less confident about having a new relationship (that will lead to marriage and children) because you are no longer a virgin.

    You were a virgin for 38 years: what were the reasons for you not getting marriage in all the years of your adulthood while being a virgin?

    anita

    #379195
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I was not really pretty, just so so ok; i focus on work in the office, earning money and taking care of my parents, and i am  a home girl so that time goes by and i did not get to know any guys. Singe men at my age all have got married and have children. Recently a miss-matcher introduced me to this guy, but his economic condition so bad; if i marry him i would be the breadwinner, which is why my parents disapproved. Now some friends introduce me to new guys, but i feel i am not confident enough because of virginity. Thanks a lot for your consultation

    #379196
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    You are welcome. I know of traditional societies, such as in India- often, a grown, married son lives with his parents, wife and children, and a grown, married daughter lives with her husband and and his parents. I wonder if you have a brother or brothers, or other sisters, or if you are an only child and therefore your parents rely on you only for financial support?

    anita

    #379202
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    My family have three children, my older brother and younger sister,, all is single, my family is ok with finance, i dont have to support my parents, i live in the countryside

    #379203
    blue
    Participant

    I earn money ok for a single life, but my family worried i will live in hell marrying that guy

    #379207
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    You wrote that you feel less confident about starting a new relationship because you are not a virgin anymore. You also wrote that you are “not really pretty”, another reason for not having been confident before, correct?

    Imagine you meeting a good man who wants a peaceful life in the countryside, a man who will be so very happy to find you, a good, honest woman (I imagine) who lives in the countryside and wants a peaceful life with him. Imagine this man thinking that you are beautiful!

    I think that this man will understand that at 38 you lost your virginity because you were anxious to get pregnant, feeling that you were running out of time. A good man will understand.

    *I will be back to the computer in a couple of hours.

    anita

     

    #379217
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Tanita,

    I feel so gratitude for your time and kindness in helping me. I feel better with youe sweet consultation. You really understanding and attentive and helpful. Thanks and I wish you health and prosperity to help more people. Thank you

    #379219
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    You are very welcome. Thank you for your kind words of appreciation. Please post anytime you want to express yourself and I will be glad to read from you, and reply. I wish you the best!

    anita

    #379888
    anita
    Participant

    Thinking about you, blue, ten days after you posted last, hoping you are safe and okay!

    anita

    #379897
    Maria
    Participant

    Hi blue,

    I already replied to you in some other thread. But I forgot to mention an important thing! 😀

    Never block your feelings! You’re absolutely free to feel less confident as losing virginity is a huge step. You have the full right to think about it like that. I found this thing somewhere on the web:
    https://custom-writing.org/blog/emotional-intelligence-for-students-why-is-it-important

    If you scroll it down, you’ll see a part with tips. Most of them are general. But here is the second tip I’d have placed on the top of the picture in big letters: THERE ARE NO WRONG EMOTIONS. What you should do now is to transform this feeling into the opposite one.

    I’d be happy to hear more from you.

    #379950
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I was touched by your attentive consultation. To tell the truth it is ok a little bit after your consultation, but I am still in a feeling of guilt.I blame myself why at this mature age I let that shameful thing happened…hic. I am quite conservative, and I approve of those who dare to live, but when it my turn, I am so weak… Now i just hope time will heal, and I will try to read more constructive stuffs to help me

    Thanks again Anita

    #379951
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Maria,

    Thanks a lot for your useful material. I will work on it. I hope with time I will have enough capability to transform the bad emotions into positive ones. Thanks again for your kindness. You are really helpful

    #379969
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blue:

    You are welcome. You mentioned guilt and shame in your post today. These two are powerful emotions/ states of mind. I know them only too well. Shame in a small amount is supposed to steer us away from wrong behavior and toward right behavior. Too much shame steers us away from life itself, as we withdraw from people and situations that would make our lives better, and we suffer unnecessarily. Guilt is supposed to steer us toward admitting our wrongdoing and correcting it as best possible. Too much guilt causes us useless, unnecessary suffering: we suffer and nothing good comes of our suffering, not for ourselves and not for others.

    Maybe it will help you to share more about your experience with shame and guilt, on the topic of your thread, or otherwise. If you choose to share more, I will be nothing but kind to you. But please do not feel any obligation to share anything at all beyond what you already shared. I want you to be comfortable here.

    You wrote an interesting sentence that I would like to read more about (but you are welcome to not elaborate on it): “I am quite conservative, and I approve of those who dare to live, but when it (is) my turn, I am so weak”.

    anita

    #380006
    blue
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I had been dating before, but i had been taught to keep the limit and i kept it to 38 years old. Recently at the age of 38 i am afraid it is too late to have normal healthy baby; for the sake of the future baby, i should try to overcome the social rule to have sex before marriage. I thought the guy is sure to be my husband,as i have been looking for a single guy for too long (at my age there are hardly anyone). At that time i just think of that. And i want to be a mother so much, i even think single mom is ok. I admire those who chose to be single mom. They dare to live their life. We planned about wedding ceremony when the break up happened, which made me shocked and did not know what to do next. I know at this age i should be responsible for my life, but i feel not ok. I am afraid social norm will not accept my immature thought and deed. i still feel ashamed and guilt, as i could not controlled myself well at that time to let that happened. I know i cannot turn back the time but i am quite not confident as previous to begin any new relationship

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)

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