Home→Forums→Tough Times→Let her go?
- This topic has 1,011 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 2 weeks ago by
anita.
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May 31, 2019 at 4:35 pm #296685
AnonymousInactiveJust had dinner and called her for 15 minutes, she had to do some stuff. Having car troubles, told me about her boyfriend and she’s in love with him, one of her daughters was in emergency, going to see one of her best friends on Tuesday all day (not seen her in 7 months, she lives far away on another island) and have a girls night, I am her only friend that calls her and calls me one of her good friends, not heard from that crazy woman and plans to ignore her whenever she calls. Will talk later next week though, maybe sat (next week) we will hang out or something. Also that if she wanted me to call her once a month? then I said 2-3 times a month is probably too much, she said sure. Also her man likes the things I like apparently.
The crazy woman is the ex boyfriends sister I mentioned.
May 31, 2019 at 7:28 pm #296691AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
The ex’s sister, I see. Well, things as usual then, and you are one of her good friends. I know you are special in her mind and heart. You know it too. So next contact is a phone call later next week, and maybe hang out Saturday. I hope her daughter that was in emergency is okay.
Have a good weekend, blkhwkdwn1, always a pleasure communicating with you!
anita
May 31, 2019 at 8:08 pm #296697AnonymousInactiveThanks, you as well for having a good weekend and a pleasure talking to you. She’s fine, a skateboard accident. She’s moving back far away to where she was before she moved back home, to where her ex boyfriend is. Who knows, maybe my friend will move far away soon now that she has a boyfriend she loves and go live at her retirement home where her dad is i’ve told you about a few times. I’m sure she does have a place for me somewhere, she did tell me “i love you” on the phone way back when I had my first day at councelling and she called to make me feel calmer, obviously friend love though.
June 1, 2019 at 7:36 am #296725AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
You are a bit too optimistic about her beginning relationship with her now boyfriend. For one, most relationships do end in breakups. And there is another thing: lots and lots of people are … well, not nice people on the long run. She is a nice person but I don’t know about her boyfriend. Look at how consistent you have been all this time, I don’t think you ever mistreated her in any way, since page 1 of this thread and before! She can trust you to… always be on her side, to care for her well-being. I don’t know about her boyfriend, didn’t read his posts!
What I am saying, better you don’t assume her new relationship is long term or forever. You wish her the best, so do I, but statistics indicate what I suggested in my first two lines here.
anita
June 1, 2019 at 3:40 pm #296863AnonymousInactiveI aint gonna wait for her or anything, might just start working on myself. Been thinking about asking her if she wants to do something different on the phone because the conversations can be quite…boring. Her man introduced her to wim hof at the lake and she was talking about that (she knows I like wim hof), might ask if she wants to learn new things to talk about that interest eachother. So like give her 2-3 months to learn all about wim hof and she gives me something she knows about and then at 2-3 months we discuss it because it’s only so much life learning you can do everytime you are on the phone about our lives and what’s going on, need more…variety.
And yes i’ll be around. Sometimes I will be less active then other times, but I am just a phone call or coffee or hike away.
June 1, 2019 at 3:57 pm #296869AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I will google wim hof later, don’t know what it is. To make your phone conversations more interesting, you can play a game with her, a game of questions and answers aimed at getting to know each other better, which is something you said you want to do (you said you want to get to know her better, to be exact). I don’t have such a game handy, a list of questions and such, but I have a feeling it is available online or in a library, questions to ask each other being part of the game.
anita
June 1, 2019 at 8:17 pm #296919AnonymousInactiveYeah I should probably get back into that, I did start that when she answered the phone in the bath tub. I can probably ask her “if you could move right this second to live anywhere in the world you wanted where would you go and why?” and stuff like that. Anyway I will let you know what happens later on sometime. If she can’t do the hike I will ask if she wants to go to that coffee place and walk to the water, the one I had that amazing day with her a few summers ago where I said I felt no nervousness and felt like I could talk forever with her.
June 1, 2019 at 8:33 pm #296927AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I remembered after I posted you last that you did play that game with her before. You can put together more questions different questions, things you really want to know about her, that can be exciting!
A few summers ago when you felt no nervousness and felt you could talk forever with her- what a special feeling that is, a special experience. So many of us are so nervous so much of the time, around people, that when we are not… that is a breath of fresh air, best feeling!
anita
June 2, 2019 at 9:06 am #297019AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I googled Wim Hof, also known as The Iceman, a Dutch extreme athlete noted for his ability to withstand freezing temperatures, swan under ice water , set a Guinness world records doing that. He coined the WHM and claims it can cure or help with some diseases, some controversy there regarding his claims. I read a bit about his personal life as well. What is your personal interest in him and hers?
anita
June 2, 2019 at 2:57 pm #297069AnonymousInactiveHe also went up mount everest in his shorts, had to come down short of making the summit because of a foot injury, and ran in a desert without any water.
I just like him, also his wife commited suicide by jumping off a building which is what I was gonna do so that part kinda jumps out at me, almost like the timing was calling for me to learn this.
June 2, 2019 at 3:07 pm #297071AnonymousGuestDear blkwhwkdwn1;
Yes, I read about his first wife, didn’t want to mention it in my very first summary in my last post. Ran in a desert without any water.. I can do that myself, for a while anyway.
anita
June 8, 2019 at 12:36 pm #298023AnonymousInactiveWell we hung out for about 90 minutes. Did not go for that coffee and sit on a bench where the water is like that 1 day, she was hungry so we went to a vegan place and took it to go and sat on a hill next to the water (warm and sunny day) right beside the homeless, she wanted to sit by them. Her ex is going to be finding his own place now, got his first welfare check. Her 2 daughters are going to move in together (the one moving far away decided to stay instead) and she is going to be moving far away to be with her boyfriend at his little house but still plans to be around town often for her daughters and her job. She goes on hikes with him often and plans to do lots of them on the island here and she never really got into this stuff until the day me and her went back in late Jan, now she loves them. She’s going to be bringing him to her dads to check the place out, asked if she will move to her dads for that land I mentioned as her “retirement’, they will think about it but maybe down the road sometime. Her boyfriend has a LOT in common with me apparently,
I dunno what to make of this developement, what is going to happen between us if she moves far away?
June 8, 2019 at 1:29 pm #298025AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I read your update in a bit of a hurry but reads like she will be in town often after she moves far away, so it will be possible for you to see her, maybe even more often than for a long time. I will be back to reply more to you when I return to the computer in about 17 hours from now.
anita
June 8, 2019 at 2:28 pm #298027AnonymousInactiveI’ll probably just text her. When she told me the latest developement (she’s not even told her mom yet) I was smiling but kept thinking “wtf does this mean for us?”, she was all excited but I was just smiling and gave her a high 5. When we sat down to eat (like a picnic I guess) she found some spots in my arm that hurt.
When it got closer to when we were meeting up my legs felt more and more like jello and was thinking how lucky I was getting to hang out with her. Then saw her and it went away slowly as we started walking, started talking about how it went with her best friend she just visit all day, then my work stuff, then her stuff. I dunno why I care so much, things will never be anything more then what I have always got…I mean she wont see me for 2 whole months, that’s 60 whole days. Or more. That’s quite a long time to go away for a friendship, especially when people complain they only get to see their friends once a week or once every 2 weeks. Try going many months. Told her I would call her in a month and we can go hiking in August.
June 9, 2019 at 7:04 am #298087AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
June 9, 2017, exactly two years ago, you wrote about meeting her three days before (June 6): “we walked by the water and sat at the bench by the docks on the hot sunny day talking about her problems, my problems, moving forward, etc. We flirted a little bit too because that’s what I love to do when I’m around women, had our arms around each other a little on the bench, she held my hand and really appreciated me helping her out and I walked her back to her car and took the long walk home because it was a nice hot day out. She’s still planning to move far away from me though, but it won’t be for a year or 2”.
June 8, 2019, yesterday, you referred to that 1 day being June 6, 2017: “we hung out for about 90 minutes. Did not go for that coffee and sit on a bench where the water is like that 1 day, she was hungry so we went to a vegan place and took it to go and sat on a hill next to the water (warm and sunny day) right beside the homeless, she wanted to sit by them… and she is going to be moving far away… what is going to happen between us if she moves far away?
… When we sat down to eat (like a picnic I guess) she found some spots in my arm that hurt. When it got closer to when we were meeting up my legs felt more and more like jello and I was thinking how lucky I was getting to hang out with her. Then saw her and it went away slowly as we started walking, started talking… I dunno why I care so much, things will never be anything more then what have always got.. Told her I would call her in a month and we can go hiking in August”.
It still reads to me like a love story, a very special and unique love story. The way you love her is so very precious, unconditional, a tender love, quite selfless. It truly is a beautiful love story for me to read throughout all these few years.
anita
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