June 9, 2019 at 8:43 am #298101
Thanks, it has been a long read hasnt it? Not sure this is love though, I just really like her and wish her the best and it was extreme infatuation in the beginning. Anyway I did end up texting her. Told her I had a good time today and just wanted to say again I am really happy for her news and I am happy for her and everyone else involved. That I am unsure what’s going to happen between us when she moves, don’t know if we are going to hang out and keep talking. She said aw thanks, that it was good seeing me and that she will still be around a bit and she will definatly still keep in touch.
Funny how she picks a guy that has a ton in common with me though.June 9, 2019 at 8:49 am #298103
“she picks a guy that has a ton in common with me”- I got that, yes. I wish it was you though, with her. I wish it was you.
anitaJune 9, 2019 at 10:21 am #298111
Eh that’s fine, had some nice memories. My only wish I had/have was I wish I was a priority but I am not, that’s why it takes 2-3 months to get any time with her unless I pay for it (her job).June 9, 2019 at 10:26 am #298113
Then I wish you were a higher priority for her and that you spent more time with her more often. I was wondering when I went back in your thread, Dec 2016 you wrote that she was single 2.5 years at that point, if I remember the time correctly. Is her current new boyfriend the first boyfriend she had since summer 2014 (2.5 years back from Dec 16)?
anitaJune 9, 2019 at 10:37 am #298115
Yeah, she’s been single the whole time.June 9, 2019 at 10:50 am #298117
That is five years of Single, a long time.
June 9, 2019 at 11:08 am #298125
- This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
It is, but she never thought of me that way or I probably would have pursued it. I am really just a guy she used to work with, nothing more. She’s also about feminism and women friendships (her dance she teaches and attends to are all women only and her mother does women only things like women empowerment) and does not really like men she’s said in the past including recently (not all of course). She holds me up there with another guy (me and him are buddies) she used to really like working with and how nice he was, he was like a little brother to her, the day she had that goodbye party we threw her before I made this thread he drove her home and she said goodbye to him and just kept looking him in the eyes without looking away having a moment, me and her have done this before too. She holds her new boyfriend at this same place, she’s told me a few weeks ago when she called me from her boyfriends I am up here with those 2 as well.June 9, 2019 at 11:38 am #298127
I will read and reply when I am back to the computer.
anitaJune 9, 2019 at 5:13 pm #298153
I was out longer than I thought. Will be back to your thread tomorrow morning, in about 13 hours from now. I had some thoughts regarding your recent post while I was out, and will reply tomorrow.
anitaJune 9, 2019 at 11:52 pm #298201
That’s cool, I was at a work buddies place since 5PM anyway. Sleep well!June 10, 2019 at 8:06 am #298257
I had you on my mind first thing this morning but I wanted to read some of your earliest posts before posting you, so I did. Before I go there, my thoughts yesterday were regarding what you wrote earlier yesterday: “I am really just a guy she used to work with, nothing more”. It is not true. When you had a sort of a picnic the other day, there were homeless people there, people she didn’t know personally at all. Most or almost all people would choose to sit away from the homeless, except for her. She wanted to sit close to them. So you see, even total strangers who are homeless, are more than .. just homeless strangers to her.
Now my thoughts this morning: what I figure about this woman, is that she sees the value in people, she bothers to stop and … see person’s value while most people walk away and move on.
Early in your thread you shared how you are used to “feeling this bad and sad”, that you believe that you are “supposed to suffer”, that you are “so toxic inside”, so much so, that you “really can’t get help”. You wrote how your mother was a junkie who dropped you down the stairs as a baby and “decided that I was not worth having in her life so she split.. I probably deserved it though”. You wrote later: “friendships don’t exist, neither does family. It’s just you… and you are thrown into a world that wants you to feel like you’re a worthless piece of shit and you either sink or swim.. The longer I go on the more I feel as if there is no good in the world, only people with their own agenda not giving a crap about anything else”.
In the context of this experience of life, no wonder this woman who stopped and showed you that she values you, that you are worthy, no wonder you’ve been appreciating her for so long, drawn to her, wanting to spend more time with her, more often.
It is not uncommon that a person goes on living for years being overlooked as a person of value. Something inside dies a little every time we are treated as worthless. And then, when someone treats us otherwise, it is like an unbelievable breath of fresh air, and it motivates a person to want more… and more of that feeing, of being valuable, worhty.. in someone’s heart and mind.
June 10, 2019 at 12:35 pm #298327
- This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
Been reading what you wrote but tbh I have no idea how to respond to it.June 10, 2019 at 12:43 pm #298329
You don’t have to respond to it. I appreciate you acknowledging my post, but it’s okay if you have nothing to say about it. You can write about anything you do have something to say and I will be glad to read what you post, and as always, I will reply.
anitaJune 11, 2019 at 6:29 pm #298585
Been thinking a lot about it lately, just want your opinion.
So I am thinking of calling her and telling her that I am taking off for a long while (5+ years maybe) from our friendship, need to get over her and I feel like an option to her rather then a friend because I only get once every 3 months and that’s not enough so I have to leave. Maybe one day I will reach out and see how you are doing. Her boyfriend is back tomorrow for 2 weeks so if she’s too busy to talk i’ll text it to her instead, which I know is wimpy and I hate texting things like that to her, which I never do I would talk to her instead on the phone.June 12, 2019 at 5:56 am #298609
I know that the time you spend with her is not enough for you and understandably so, once every 3 months is way too little time to spend with the person you like most in the world.
You told her similar things before, that you will take off or disappear for a long time. My opinion about you doing it again depends on what happened when you did the same thing in the past, what were the results?