June 12, 2019 at 9:23 am #298677
She never let me, saying she’s confused and stuff. Or ignored it like when she told me of her friend that friend dumped her due to his feelings for her and told her I was thinking of doing the same thing, but she changed the subject. That time I text her whatever happens in her life I hope she does well and I would see her at my work, she called me 3 minutes later and wanted to know if we are cool.
I’ll try doing it tomorrow, her man is back today so she can be with him.June 12, 2019 at 9:41 am #298681
I would tell her something like this: “you know how much I like you, don’t you. I enjoy spending time with you so very much. I want to spend time with you more than once in three months, but only if you want to spend time with me. I don’t want you to feel obligated and I don’t want to pay for a massage just so to spend time with you. I don’t want to feel like a charity case, I want to spend time with you because you really want to.
So, I am asking you to make a choice: either find the time to spend with me once a month or we end contact. Will you make this choice?”
anitaJune 12, 2019 at 10:04 am #298687
I find those ultimatums a little too harsh for me to say to someone, friends are optional in peoples lives (then again so are boyfriends/girlfriends). I’ll probably just stick to telling her that I am taking off for a long while, I need to get over her and that day we met up my legs were feeling numb and I was feeling like the luckiest man in the world and I want that to go away. Also I want more then 1 hangout every 3 months and knowing i’ll only be an option to you rather then a priority I have to go. I don’t wish anything bad on you and i’ll never talk shit about you and I still wish you nothing but happiness. Maybe one day many years from now i’ll randomly see how you’re doing, or maybe this is it.
Then I will probably just say “well that’s all I wanted to say so I am going to hang up now” then hang up. Hope it does not turn into a long conversation, I just wanna say my piece then vanish and for her to just accept it that way it was laid out for her. Just let me talk, her to accept and not talk and that’s that.June 12, 2019 at 10:24 am #298691
I understand. I suppose what I suggested can easily be understood as an ultimatum, or placing pressure on her. Your plans reads more reasonable, if I understand correctly, you will tell her how you felt last, your legs feeling numb or like jello and feeing like the luckiest man in the world, wanting to see her more than once every three months or so, wanting to be her priority but knowing you are not a priority for her…and you don’t want to feel all these feelings. So you are ending contact with her. And you wish her well.
The you hang up.
I suppose it is a good plan. Maybe you should add that you don’t want her to call you later as if you didn’t make this call, ignoring what you told her. She needs to understand that you are suffering because you are not a priority for her and that really, what she gives you is not enough for you. She needs not offer you again the same, which is not even close to what you want.
anitaJune 12, 2019 at 10:34 am #298695
Yup that reads right to me.June 12, 2019 at 10:41 am #298697
I hope you let me know how it goes, when it takes place. I feel that this is a big moment to come, this decision, when it is carried through.
anitaJune 12, 2019 at 11:41 am #298699
Will do, just text her I need to call her tomorrow and it will take just 2 minutes. If she’s going to be out I guess I do it via text.June 12, 2019 at 1:32 pm #298719
I will look forward to your update. I believe it is the right thing for you to do. It is you taking care of yourself, no longer accepting being an Option when what you wanted all along was to be a Priority.
June 13, 2019 at 11:36 am #298973
- This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by anita.
Wondering if you made that call/ text???
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 12:36 pm #299009
She’s working, i’ll have to wait until later. I don’t wanna ruin her work day. Had to leave work early, I had non stop panic attacks thinking about this and I’m SO depressed thinking about it.June 13, 2019 at 12:41 pm #299011
You are and always have been very considerate of her. I hope you let me know later.
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 12:43 pm #299013
Would it be better in person? like ask when she’s off and i’ll meet her.June 13, 2019 at 1:25 pm #299023
Better in person except for the jello legs you got last time before you saw her. Before last time, there were times you lost your mental focus when in her physical presence.
If you can keep your focus, if you can follow what she is saying and be engaged in a conversation with her, then in person is better.
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 1:35 pm #299025
What if she doesn’t want to friend breakup? what if she says to just take a break or something. She did call me one of her “good” friends, how we will always be together and get through everything together (just after Xmas) and her only friend that calls her on the phone, mentioned it a few times so she must like that about me to.June 13, 2019 at 1:47 pm #299027
I had no idea how I missed “Had to leave work early, I had non stop panic attacks thinking about his and I’m SO depressed about it” three posts ago. Maybe it was an edit… My internet went down for a while, so I missed that part for a while.
Well, I knew it was a big deal for you, but I didn’t know how big it still is. Once in a while you feel less for her, sometimes nothing and then it comes back. I am returning then to my suggestion yesterday, the one we both dismissed, that there should be a conversation between the two of you that will be of a different nature than the I-will-disappear-and-maybe-call-you-in-a-few-years plan. I think best you prepare a letter for her and read it to her in person.
How are you feeling now?