June 13, 2019 at 2:00 pm #299031
Yeah, it was an edit.
It’s a HUGE deal for me, she means the world to me even if at times I feel over her, emotions change all the time. I can feel rage and think “why am I not good enough to see her more?”, I can feel that we are fine and disapear for a bit, depressed, happy, etc. It’s EXTREMLY unhealthy how I feel. I feel good when I am around her, I like listening to her stories and supporting her.
I dunno how I feel.June 13, 2019 at 2:08 pm #299035
You love her, that is what you feel. I told you this is a love story. Your love for her is evident and even though she is not available enough for you, not even close, she does value you in a way that other people in your life do not. You sensed that, from the beginning, and that is why your heart opened to her. Even if you didn’t figure it intellectually, you figured it on that instinctive/ emotional deep level, that she values you.
This is why I think she will be interested in making herself available for you if you let her know clearly what you want.
Why don’t you rest for the rest of the day, take it easy and see to it that you are good to yourself. Then later in the evening or maybe tomorrow, your mind will be more clear and you will figure out what to do. If you decide to write/ type that letter to read to her once you see her, let me know if you need help with it.
What do you think? Rest, regroup and let me know later/ tomorrow?
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 2:42 pm #299041
I will be away from the computer for a while. I would very much like to read soon from you, read how you are feeling. One more thing- when I wrote that she values you- I value you too. I too see you the way she sees you- I see you as the loving, good man that you are. And I am a real person behind these typed words!
Hope to read from you soon.
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 2:52 pm #299045
Apparently she’s off she text me, she’s up island.
And thanks, I value you too.June 13, 2019 at 2:58 pm #299047
Oops double post.June 13, 2019 at 4:02 pm #299049
I am so glad to read from you!!!
She texted you, up island, meaning you will be meeting with her…?
Thank you for valuing me too, meaning we value each other, and that is alright with me.
I’ll be back to the computer tomorrow morning, in about 13 hours from now.
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 4:15 pm #299051
She’s spending time with her man the other end of the island so it will have to wait until tomorrow, I just want it done with.June 13, 2019 at 4:24 pm #299053
I know this is a huge deal for you, so I will keep my computer on longer than I intended and check once in a while for the next few hours, just in case you post.
anitaJune 13, 2019 at 4:28 pm #299055
Nothing will happen but me going down for a nap right now.June 13, 2019 at 4:33 pm #299057
Good nap, then, blkhwkdwn1. I hope you rest well. Till later-
anitaJune 14, 2019 at 3:23 pm #299213
She’s still out of town with the man and can’t take my call. I was panicing and text her I tried calling but have been unable to due to panic and anxiety and had to leave early because of this, she text she will call me if I want but she’s out today and works the next 3 days. Told her it’s about those feelings I was mentioning to her and I don’t wanna have them and want to get over her and I really don’t wanna be like that 1 friend she had. Probably fucked up texting that to her though. If we end up talking it’s probably best I end things now, it’s getting weird. Maybe some other time we can reconnect.June 14, 2019 at 6:47 pm #299215
I understand. It’s been such a long time that you’ve been wanting more and getting less, a few years of this hoping and wanting and getting disappointed routine and you are tired of it. You can text her a short text telling exactly what it is, in a couple of sentences and then block her from your phone, if you want. You can do that if it brings you peace of mind?
anitaJune 14, 2019 at 8:40 pm #299243
Depends what she says, if she says no to me taking off then i’ll figure something out. Maybe stop the phone calls and hangouts for a long time? just go by text whenever she texts me, I wont text her and i’ll worry about myself.June 14, 2019 at 9:51 pm #299247
Well we talked about it but I was too nervous to talk about everything. She’s not into holding back your feelings because what it does to the inside of your body and when she told me about her friend that friend dumped her (not known eachother long) because his feelings she was having a bad day and didn’t mean to give me all that info but needed to share because that’s what we both do together she was saying. Also said sometimes our communication comes and goes, so maybe I should slowly let it die like in the past i’m thinking? then maybe bring it back…idk. Told her I had to go home early from work due to me having panic attacks and anxiety all day almost throwing up because I dunno what she was going to think of me doing this. Also talked of a workshop she wants me to go into soon when she’s fully certified that will help me with what’s going on inside my body. Also let her know what I like most is spending time with her, so thanks. She still wants to hike in August and talk on the phone before.
Before we talked she thought we were fine unlike the friend that was uncomfortable talking to her because of the boyfriend, but I said I was thinking of disapearing for a while but maybe I should talk to you first, then called her cell for 15.June 15, 2019 at 6:24 am #299285
I suggest that you make a decision- to tell her the truth about what she means to you, the truth you told here on your thread for years now. Tell her, hold nothing back. I think she will be okay with your honesty with her, she will cherish it.
If you tell her that you miss her so much, it doesn’t mean that you are pressuring her to see you more often, it just means this is how you feel- you miss her and wish you can spend time with her more often.
Make the time you do have with her, on the phone and in person, of more use by telling her the truth of how you feel. I can imagine what a wonderful thing that would be.