Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Living Alone and Coping Skills
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Bluesman.
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November 28, 2014 at 11:46 pm #68526
AnonymousInactiveHey everyone!
I love being part of this community. All of you have such positive energy and insight to go on with life. I really appreciate the thoughts shared in the forum and today, i want to ask about what i could do about my situation. Basically i am 22 years old – have just started a new postgrad program in a prestigious university and moved to a new city in the process. Before i venture into the problem, i would like to add that i have had bad depressive phases before and recurrent social anxiety – Over the last year, after a great deal of inner work, it has mostly become normal mood swings and no longer the disruptive types anymore.
The thing is, i struggle with the future and the present. My present comprises of me finding my own apartment which i really love – it is my safe haven and really an expression of me to say the least. I feel more independent living alone but here’s the catch: University hasnt turned out too well – i havent been able to make friends there and most of the people who do turn up to class are kinda mean and juvenile in their ways. I have formed these conclusions after making a lot of effort to mingle with different people there but havent really found my types per say. I know that over time, it will all be fine. On top of that, lots of exams going on and the hunt for internships and job continues. Its been so stressful lately.
Still, the problem is that i find my course work really boring and dont get along with my classmates much. Thankfully, i do have some wonderful close friends and an awesome boyfriend but sadly, they dont live nearby – very far off or inter-state. So isolation is turning out to be quite an issue lately despite the fact that i do indeed enjoy my space because i have introverted traits as well. At the moment, i wont be moving out in the next 2 years and honestly, i dont mind at all…my rent contract ensures that i cant get any room-mate though..Thankfully i do have some old friends living a bit far away in the same city. Next month, i have taken up volunteering activities to ensure i leave the house and see more people..sometimes it can feel really weird without them.
Do you have any tips on managing oneself emotionally while living alone and managing all the stress? Sometimes when i slip into a bad mood, it gets hard to maintain the stuff which keeps me sane…
Any thoughts would be appreciated 🙂
Regards,
MoonNovember 29, 2014 at 5:57 am #68530
AnneParticipantThis is something I’m struggling with a lot too! I find it very hard to know the difference between seeking out companionship in a healthy way, and when I’m just being overly needy. So I have no advice unfortunately 🙁 But I am reading along and empathising!
November 29, 2014 at 6:21 am #68533
InkyParticipantWhat helps is to realize that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. This will not last forever!
The other thing that’s helpful is to have set routines so you’re not stewing in your loneliness. Or, if you are, it would be for less than an hour because you have other things going on as planned!
Even if you find one friend, one pal, one kindred soul that would be great. Obviously, it won’t be a current classmate, but it might be someone at an event, place, etc.!
Hang in there!
November 30, 2014 at 2:08 am #68561
KatieParticipantHi I have lived on my own for many years and I also work from home. I should add that I live in a city far away from friends and family. Its far from ideal and I really struggle at times. Here are some of the tips which have helped me:-
1. Try to get involved with the locals (not students) too. You sound mature and sensible so you might find you have more in common with local young people who didnt go to Uni.
2. Check out http://www.meetups.com to find local socialising opportunities in your city. If they dont exist set one up!
3. On days when you are not meeting anyone then make sure you keep a routine like Inky suggested. For me this involves things like listening to local radio in the mornings. I love the local presenters. They are funny and help me to feel part of the local community. I also go for daily walks just to get out and mingle. It does help.
4. Are you a church goer? Attending local church services is often a good way to meet nice people.
5. Exercise is also important for your well being. If you are unfit you can start exercising at home but try to go to local classes too. A great way to meet new friends.
6. Keep busy and positive. This is the most important tip!I hope these ideas help. If anyone has any other ideas please share them!
December 1, 2014 at 2:52 am #68599
renParticipantHalo~~~ How r u??
my name is yen wern, 21 yrs old, i’m frm malaysia
(plz apologize if my eng is not tat gd, n i like use shortcut in typing :p )
i oso face the same problem with u for 3 years
but thankfully i’m trying to improve myself with this few ways
hope that u’ll find it helpful~~ 🙂
(my nerdy activities 😛 )
1. try to google some gd place nearby the local place u stay.
but be aware of ur personal safety.2. hang out bookstore/ library
3. coffee shop (read books & hv coffee for a lovely afternoon)
4. attend / sign up any classes u like (painting/ yoga / gym/ dance/ …)
5. find a part time job u like
6. write diary (express anything u want – according to research,
consistently write diary for 20 mins for 4 days/ week can cope with anxiety, depression)7. pick up some free online course (coursera, MIT open course, allison, edx , etc)
8. regularly exercise (running/ cycling/ climbing/ hiking…)
9. sometime i like to do calligraphy (i’m chinese, haha)
10. go to new place, sit down quietly sketching the view, drink tea….
11. play chess/ board games/ checkers/ any games online wif other players
12.write blog/ write something inspire people
(eg: send warm regards email to fren/ encourage who nid help in tiny buddha forum)13.read some books/ thriller/ novels/ new field tat u nvr heard b4
14. learn new skills – knitting (& present for the loved one)/ singing/ online business….
15. pray / speak to God/ go to church
16. watch entertainment show/ funny pictures (as for me, i like to watch running man korean show/ big bang theory / go pinterest find some humor pictures – share to fren/family) 😀
17.can try mingle wif ppl surround by Actively asking them questions
(ask about them, be curious about people, sure they will have a lot of stories to tell u 🙂18. give smile, juz ask , how r u doing, u look nice in this dress/ i like ur shirts / anything / what a nice writing!
(at first, u dun feel normal to do it, but once u sincerely trying to
FIND SOMETHING GOOD IN PEOPLE,
u will feel easier to mingle wif them 🙂19. give parents a call (use we chat/ viber/ line/ wataaps / skype….)
from wat i knw, parents are the one who will not feel disturb if we call them everyday~~
haha! i disturb my mummy and dadddy everyday when i’m bored!20. actively call ur frens/families – ask how r they doing – share some joke – make them happy
(at first, i was sad about no one calling me after i transfer degree to a new university, but after that i found out, i’m the one who is too free to think about anything nonsense, so i try to GIVE my call/fb/ watapps them actively )
in order to receive, u muz give first 🙂
21. consistently do some volunteer nearby ur place ( u can search online)
(like for me, i like children, so i’ll choose to teach, buy something for them
care for them )22. i oso saw some volunteer grp, they even doing some skype wif children, teach them to read whenever they r free, make some birthday cards/ any celebration cards to them
( u can choose any volunteer base on ur interests)
December 1, 2014 at 3:18 am #68600renParticipantsorry, i’m so nagging,
recently i oso bother by this problems even more since i move to
new house, and not staying wif frensso i will translate the methods frm book i read ytd
really hope tat tz can help u n ppl who read tz 🙂23. clean n organize the place u stay, u can even decorate it
24. find the book/ magazine/ anything online abt staying alone
25. talk to fren who r close to u via phone/social medias
26. contact frens tat u long time didn’t connected wif
27. organize ur closet – which one u dun nid ady can donate to those who nid
28. watch drama/ famous/classic readings/ movies
29.raise pet
30. learn to cook some nice meals/bake for urself/ even u can share wif hse mate/ neighbour
31. take public transport juz to enjoy view outside
32. plan & travel
33. go to beauty shop
34. spend more time in choosing things tat u usually use (patterns, colors, types…)
35. try new clothes/ shoes/ makeup
36. organize ur finance
37. give some surprise gifts to loved ones ( can use post office services)
38. find out new place wif special items/ food/ clothes/ anything u like
39. find special things/ charming about the place u r staying now
40. go n visit the your relatives/ previous master/ teachers
*41 don’t compare urself wif others too much – be appreciate what u hv
(write things tat u r GRATEFUL -EVERY SINGLE DAY – u will find out this is so amazing!)42 find some people / a person tat u admire, then learn frm them (can frm books/ magazine/ tv show….)
43 value ur the time u r alone
44 prepare urself for ur ideal job (can find out wat is the ur ideal job requirement, try to accomplish them as u can )
45 force urself to speak wif stranger
46 read / watch some encouraging books/ drama/ tv shows
47 set targets for urself
48 if u r gd in writing, u can write and then posted in ur blog to help ppl
or even u can send to newspaper or magazine, use tat money donate to ppl who nid it
49 u can oso learn about new apps/ software
( eg: photoshop/ illutrator / adobe premire pro / ….)
50 learn new language…..
51 attend for a talk
maybe thr r too much
but i hope u can be plan and be more busy
and be happy !
yeah!
cheers!! 😉
bless u~~~ 😀
sorry to be so nagging 😛 haha
December 1, 2014 at 3:28 am #68601renParticipantfor most of the method,
i thk be busy is important
u hv to plan wat to do tmr
in order to be busy
write diaries / record ur mood whenrever u feel like doing it
oso vr gd since no one is nearby us, so v can express it out
without fail
all in all, focus in GIVING ( what can i do to help people will
make ur life flourish! )u can find a few types of volunteering if u wan! 😛
use the some money frm part time job to donate/ buy things for them
u will feel AMAZING! 😀CONNECTIONS WITH GOD is oso vr important
even i dun hv any religion, but i still believe
there is someone who will watching us frm divine
juz talk to Him/ Her
whenever u like in heart/ writingn b sensitive!
bcos every thing happen is wat Him/Her wanted to talk to u~~ 😉
u will somehow get some inspiration frm praying/ talking to God
December 1, 2014 at 4:57 am #68608KatieParticipantThank you so much lovable for all those tips. I am really happy that you shared them with us 🙂
I am going to print them off and do as many as possible!Big hugs ( ) to you for sharing
December 1, 2014 at 5:46 am #68612AnonymousInactiveThank you everyone 🙂
December 2, 2014 at 1:44 am #68644
AnyoneParticipantHi Moon,
This happens with me when I’m far from my family for long, and I end up expecting from people around, that I don’t get along with them much, why should I? Not mandatory to be compatible with everyone, right?
And, as you said, you have close friends and a boyfriend, why not take out time to meet them or to express what you’re going through. I’m sure you’ll find solace.
All the Best!!!
December 4, 2014 at 5:37 pm #68778
BluesmanParticipantGo where ever the invites take you.
no sense swimming up stream or against the currents.
I remind myself often “good fortune rarely shines upon those who say no”
And know, you are where you need to be right now. -
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