Dear Princess123:

You wrote that you are afraid/ scared of him, afraid that he will hurt you more, like he threatened that he will. But you “have a soft corner in my heart for him”- for the man who hurt you already and threatens to hurt you more.

You are confused because when he is not mean to you, calling you a prostitute and threatens you with harm, he “acts nicer or too nice”.

Do you watch or did you watch cartoons where an evil character is always bad and never nice? There are such cartoons, even movies. But in real life people are not always bad or always good. Every bad person is sometimes nice to somebody.

You are also confused because “he never accepts his wrong doings”- no one will be  in prison if the only way to find a person guilty is if they accept their wrong doings. People often deny wrongdoings and crimes. It doesn’t mean that they are not guilty.

You are confused because he gets angry and blames you, so you wonder maybe you are guilty. Lots of people have strong control over others by blaming them, shaking off their responsibility for their own actions and assigning that responsibility to others, often their own victims.

You wrote: “I don’t want to waste all my life correcting a person who has no idea about the basic values of life”- I say, correct your understanding of people and life, as I suggested above.

Also correct your own basic value of accepting abuse: it is not a good value to submit to abuse.

If you are too scared (and you have too soft of a heart for him) to go to the police and immigration, and you are afraid of him, “may be he is  planning to kill me”, what are your plans then?

anita

Dear Princess123:

You asked: “now im just confused this Person said me he really likes me and love me and planning to marry me but I feel like all he want from me is only Sex?”

-Yes, this is all he wants from you. This is my answer for the following reasons:

1. He told you that he wants to  marry you within one week only of talking with you. For a reasonable person (and you would want to marry a reasonable person!), it is too short of a time to form such an intent.

2. It is very easy for anyone and everyone to say anything they want to say, it takes a minute or so, doesn’t take effort, the words come out easily. Therefore, there is a difference between a person saying he wants to marry you and a person taking all the action to do so.

3. If he told you that he wants to marry you in front of people who matter to him, his parents, maybe, his family, that is one thing. But no one was present when he told you these things, only you. This means he can easily deny that he told you these things.

4. He wanted to have sex with you right away when he met you, got angry when you didn’t want to, and then pressured you to have sex with him anyway, didn’t matter to him that you  were uncomfortable (“he again wanted to kiss me and hug me again and again and I wasn’t comfortable at all.. I was saying him I am not comfortable”).

He negotiated with you, suggesting to have sexual acts other than intercourse (“he.. said alright we won’t have sex but apart from it we will do everything”).

5. When you resisted him, “he continued to insist me and asking me for his sake just for once, just for once Sex”-

– did you notice that he said “just for once”? Meaning he wasn’t thinking about a marriage with you, a lifetime of sex. He wanted it just that one time.

6. He figured that his friend had sex with you, so he should too: “he started insisting me and asked me than why did I have Sex with my ex (his friend)”. He talked and acted as if your body belongs to him and to any man who wants it. His friend had the use of your body, why not him as well… at least “just for once”.

— I understand that you need the feeling of someone loving you, but what he offers you is not love. He wants to use your body for his pleasure, at least once. After the one time, maybe he will want more.

My advice therefore is that you have no contact whatsoever with your ex boyfriend and that you have no contact with your ex’s friend as well.

Also, do not engage in any kind of interaction with any man who does not want to hear what you have to say, and who doesn’t care how you feel.

Anytime you would like my advice regarding a man who you will meet in the future, please post and I will be glad to read and reply to you, sharing with you my thoughts about the man’s intents, and what his behavior means.

anita

Dear Princess:

It is your right to not let a man use your body for his sexual needs. You are not hurting him for depriving him from using your body. Let’s say ten men are interested in having sex with you, should you have sex with all ten so that none of the ten men feels hurt, no one feels left out?

You wrote that he told you that he “is ready to tell his Cousins.. and Family about me”- how did that come about, did you ask him to tell his cousins or did he say it on his own initiative, and if he did say it on his own initiative, what did he say just before and after he mentioned telling his cousins/ family-

– and what did he say that he will tell them?

anita

Dear Princess123:

“after 2-3 days I asked him what are your future plans about us”-

1. You can’t get to know a man well enough in 2-3 days to make future plans with him.

2. You should not ask a man what are his future plans for you. You should be in charge of your future plans, plan it with a man you know well. You should not ask a stranger (a man you spent 2-3 days with) what he plans to do with your future!

3. You got to know him well enough to question his motives (“did u come here to have sex?? did u?…I feel like all he want from me is only Sex?… u can talk about romance and kissing and hugging on call but not on this..”), so really, you shouldn’t think about future plans with a man whose motives you question.

4. People say all kinds of things, you shouldn’t assume all that people say to be the truth. It is simply too easy to lie and lots of  people lie. It is common for men to tell women all kinds of things so to have sex, for example: “I love you”,  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you”, “I will find an apartment for us to stay in together”, “I will marry you”, “I will tell my uncle about us”, etc.

How much time does it take for a man to say any one of these sentences? How much money does it cost a man to say these things? Does it take any effort to say these words?-

– and yet, many women take these words in as if they were something so precious-

– these are only words.

* I will soon be away from the computer for about 14 hours. If you post before I return to the computer I will be glad to read and reply to you when I am back.

anita

DearPrincess123:

You are welcome. You wrote that “he is a very religious person and for a person like him marriage should be first priority not sex or living together”.

– he tried to have sex with you the moment he was alone with you for the first time – this means that he is okay with having sex not being married, and that his first priority (and maybe his only priority) with you was to have sex with you.

And so, now you know that a person who is very religious, or appears to be very religious, can have sex as their first (and only) priority.

Therefore, next time you meet a very religious man, you will not assume that he will want to marry you. He may want to have sex with you and not marry you.

— if you do want to get married and not have sex before marriage, and you meet a man you like who shows interest in you, meet him in public places only, not alone in your home or his home or a hotel, or any such place. Get to know him over time and post about it here, if you want.

anita

Dear Princess123:

Congratulations for making that call.

It really doesn’t matter what he says to you because he is not an honest man. So please don’t pay attention to what he said to you or what he may say in the future.

He has shown  by his words and his behavior that it is unwise to look for truth in what he says. It is too difficult to separate truth from lies, why bother.

Better be involved with an honest man, then you don’t have to do the impossible work of figuring out every time you hear him, what of what he said was true, and what was not.

anita

Dear Princess123

He throws you away, then wants you back, he calls you names, you are forever arguing… he blackmails you, and manipulates you.

You don’t need someone like that in your life.

now while writing this my bf video called me 5 time 2 misscals .because i m nt replying him and told him i m just sleeping.he is texting me if  i am okey? or dont hurt ur self ,i am getting tense .

i dont get this man seriously what he wants?

Like others have said, block him from your phone. Refuse to play his games anymore, because that’s what they are, psychological games. Drama games. He is manipulating you. Asking you if you are ok, asking you not to hurt yourself… all this is meant to remind you that you are the one with the problems. Either that or he wants to know that you are falling apart without him… it gives him control and satisfaction if you do.

What does he want? To treat you any way he wants. Disrespecting, blackmailing,  arguing over every little thing, turning things around to make it look like you are the one who is at fault….

Ask yourself – do you really want someone like this in your life?

Next time he calls, no excuses. Just simply say, ‘it’s over between us. Please do not call me again.’ And cut all contact.

Let your friends and relations know they might receive some calls/texts from him and that he is seeking revenge because you are trying to get him out of your life. They will understand.

Life is too short to let this person make you unhappy over and over again.

With best wishes,

Jay